Writing Nightmare

[zappy800]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

Ugh finally the last chapter. It is pretty much up to the other chapters standards but I have one complaint. The wall of dialogue at the end it is a little difficult to tell who was talking at the beginning.

 

[DNA]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

You should be able to figure it out just from this:

Two weeks had passed since the fateful day when the Pacters squared off against Ura and Blackheart. On a certain night, Cepheus visited Deus once again in a dream, to ask of him some very pressing questions.

“Deus...nice to see you again.”

“It’s been, what, two weeks since we’ve talked? I’ve missed your company.”

Was that not clear enough?

 

[zappy800]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

No I meant farther down besides I probably missed a line. It doesn't really matter though I figured it out later on anyways.

 

[DNA]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

Can you point out where, so if something needs fixing, I can see where it is?

 

[zappy800]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

Can you point out where, so if something needs fixing, I can see where it is?

No I can't I just figured out what my problem was I skipped like 2 lines hehe sorry about that. When will you post the second story here?

 

[Luckyfire]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

And I expect Lucky to make good on her promise to review this. Yes, I'm staring at you.

O_O

So uh... anyways, the finale was a little plain, but great to read. The flow in it was quite smooth, and the dialogue at the end was well placed. All in all, you did a great job.

 

[DNA]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

Can you point out where, so if something needs fixing, I can see where it is?

No I can't I just figured out what my problem was I skipped like 2 lines hehe sorry about that. When will you post the second story here?

Eventually. I'll probably go proofread it again, and rewrite some segments. I know I can't really write fight scenes very well, and, just like Nightmare, the sequel has a few towards the end...and dispersed throughout the middle. Ugh, it kinda makes me cringe when I have to write one, because although I write a lot, I don't feel like I get any better.

And I expect Lucky to make good on her promise to review this. Yes, I'm staring at you.

O_O

So uh... anyways, the finale was a little plain, but great to read. The flow in it was quite smooth, and the dialogue at the end was well placed. All in all, you did a great job.

Thank you. Did you have any other remarks you wanted to add (about the story as a whole and/or specific parts), or was that all?

 

[Luckyfire]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

Hmm, the story as a whole would have needed a bushel of action. The beginning was nice, the middle had more fighting scenes, and the end... I pretty much already covered it all in my last few posts in this thread.

 

[DNA]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

Hmm, the story as a whole would have needed a bushel of action.

In order for what to happen?

 

[Luckyfire]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

I meant for the action to be more interesting or warped.

 

[DNA]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

..."Warped"? What do you mean by that?

 

[Pineapple X]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

Whoa. The end. I've been reading this story since I registered - for some reason just not commenting anything. This has been an amazing story! I've really enjoyed it.

...and now I tell you this is awesome ;-;

 

[DNA]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

You are not the only one who's been reading it since the start and never bothered to say anything. I hope that now all the lurkers will finally come out of the woodwork.

Here, have a tissue to dry your tears.

 

[Luckyfire]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

..."Warped"? What do you mean by that?

/me throws a dictionary at DNA.

 

[DNA]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

So, if I included a lot more action in the story, the entire story would have appeared a lot more contorted and strange?

...How would that have helped anything?

 

[Luckyfire]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

No, I meant a little more action, not a lot more.

I guess I meant for some parts to be funny or something.

 

[DNA]

RE: [PG] Nightmare - Chapter 25 (End) up!

I think you need to better pick what adjectives you choose, dear girl.

In any case, Cycle is a bit more light-hearted than Nightmare, so you should get a few giggles out of it while trying to follow the plot. It takes a lot of elements from a bunch of different franchises and such for its story, so you might end up recognizing some concepts.

If you want a spoiler for something that will happen, here:

Spoiler

POKEMON BATTLES ON MOTORCYCLES!!!