Overcoming the Fear of Losing

RunningWithScizors

RunningWithScizors

Aspiring Trainer
Member
Well, I've decided that I want to become a better Pokemon TCG player in 2014. According to a number of my friends, this will involve practice. However, I've been having trouble developing the courage and the will to practice lately because the fear of losing is holding me back. Everytime I go up against the Expert-level players on PTCGO, I lose. Pretty badly. It gets so bad that it demoralizes me and affects my play. I've always had a win-or-go-home mentality, and now I've got to shed that. Can anybody help me?

MODERATOR NOTE: As SR mentions a few posts down, you can use this thread to talk about fearing to lose in general. Are you afraid of losing? Why do you think that happens? Do you have any ideas on how to overcome it? Maybe you seek advice on it? Feel free to discuss it!~Chaos Jackal
 
Just remember that every game, win or lose, teaches you something, and helps you get better. I just played competitively for the first time ever on Tuesday, and I lost every game, but I learned so much.

Also, this should be in the TCG subforum.
 
Well, it's kinda hard to learn anything when you've lost a game as quickly and thoroughly as I always do when I lose (both over-the-board and online).
 
Well, research meta decks and put together a strong deck. Once you get a good deck together you can really start learning, and the people here can help you with putting together a good deck. :)
 
Since this focuses on losing in general and that topic can be applied to several things, I've moved this topic to Miscellaneous Discussion.

A bit of advice. Being hesitant or just thinking about winning until it hurts will not reduce your fears, they will make them worse. Practice will make you better but more importantly you should experience, learn, network, and grow with people in the field you want to be good at. In talking things out you can also learn to be more confident in your decisions (when you have good ideas), and you will retain information better by writing/typing it out/talking about it. In order to be successful, it's really a whole process of tearing yourself down and building yourself back up. It's not easy. Be humble, willing to admit your mistakes, start small, try new methods, research, listen to those who have been around the block a few times - even if they are your enemies (realize they aren't perfect either). As you get more comfortable with the process, your fears should diminish. That's my two cents.
 
Quit. Your situation is a very valid one that's consequences can spread to more important areas of your life. You need to take a break for a while, and only come back when you become content with losing.
 
Shining Raikou said:
A bit of advice. Being hesitant or just thinking about winning until it hurts will not reduce your fears, they will make them worse. Practice will make you better but more importantly you should experience, learn, network, and grow with people in the field you want to be good at. In talking things out you can also learn to be more confident in your decisions (when you have good ideas), and you will retain information better by writing/typing it out/talking about it. In order to be successful, it's really a whole process of tearing yourself down and building yourself back up. It's not easy. Be humble, willing to admit your mistakes, start small, try new methods, research, listen to those who have been around the block a few times - even if they are your enemies (realize they aren't perfect either). As you get more comfortable with the process, your fears should diminish. That's my two cents.
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Well then, what does one do if one doesn't even have the courage to even start practicing? (And I absolutely, positively will not quit or take a break, no matter what happens, because I love this game too much.)
 
If you can't even be bothered to practice the game you're wanting to excel at because of your fear of losing, then you might want to take Juliacoolo's advice. What you're saying is like playing a video game for the first time and refusing to play the tutorial due to the fact that you might perform poorly. It doesn't make any sense.

Take a break and ask yourself why you're so afraid of losing. Learn from your past mistakes and the victories of others to make yourself a better player.
 
Guys, I think you're being hard on me. What I need is motivation, some tips and tricks to light a fire under me so I actually can develop the courage to practice, not calls for me to quit. Especially this close to a major tournament.
 
Motivation, you say? It's right in front of you. You don't like losing. Then learn to win. Consider practice as what it is, practice. Nobody cares what happens in practice, what's important is the main event. Practice makes perfect. If you don't wanna practice, you can try and win just like that. But you need to be really good in order to win like that... or very lucky. Most probably, you'll lose, and believe me, losing in a tournament is much worse than losing in a practice Internet match.
If you don't like losing, yet just jump in without preparation, it's probable you'll either end up quitting or getting miserable, and having your whole life affected over a game isn't worth it. So you can forget about winning or losing in practice and only care about the performance in the tournament, or you can quit for a while, like JC and Guts said, until you find the reasons behind your attitude.
 
Not liking to lose goes way back. It seems like whenever I would pour my heart and soul into a contest - be it a county fair, a Halloween costume contest, or a Pokemon tournament - and I either didn't win or performed less than I'd expected, I'd feel upset. I'd even get upset when I got 2nd or 3rd place when what I wanted was Best In Show. It seems that all my life has been a party, and what I've been striving for is the goodie bag. And its taking me this long to find out that that's not healthy.
 
RWS, getting 2nd or 3rd isn't even that bad. The problem you have, is you think not getting first place in something or wining is bad, but you should learn to seize the small(er) victories.
 
Well, it's upsetting when you've only won a small victory when you've strived for a large victory. It's even more upsetting when you've gotten no victory at all.

How exactly can I learn to lose with grace and not get all frustrated and demoralized when I lose a lot?
 
When you lose, you were outplayed, not out person-ed. Doesn't mean that you're lesser than your opponent. Losing is just a part of life, and makes the wins that much better. Don't be frustrated when you lose. Have fun with it. Winning can be fun, but if you only enjoy winning, then it might be just the winning aspect that you enjoy, and that's not good.
 
Trying playing really aggressively (pretty sure there's a style to do that in the tcg) for a few games.

If you expose yourself to the extreme and get that experience I imagine it'd help with you being hesitant and not putting your best foot forward.
 
Most of the time, winning is superficial. The satisfaction that you get from winning, should come from the effort you put in.

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Well, it's upsetting when you've only won a small victory when you've strived for a large victory. It's even more upsetting when you've gotten no victory at all.

How exactly can I learn to lose with grace and not get all frustrated and demoralized when I lose a lot?
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You aren't the only person in a contest or competition who is striving for a large victory. Most people will out in the same effort, maybe even more to win a competition and still possibly come dead last. Those people have two options: get upset, and get less motivated in the next competition of challenge you face, and lose once more, until it just becomes a spiral, OR have pride in the effort they put in, and learn from your mistakes in what you did.

If you stay with the attitude you have now, please, do not ever enter the lottery.
 
Well, there's a big difference between entering a lottery and enterning a Pokemon tournament:

When I buy a lottery ticket (which I've only done twice), I do it with the knowledge that I don't have much of a chance of winning, and if I do, hey, cool.
When I enter, say, a Pokemon tournament, I do it with the belief that I have a chance of winning, and if I don't, that disappoints me.
 
I have a chance of winning
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You even know that you only have a chance at winning, yet still get disappointed.
Advice: Slow down, and stop getting ahead of yourself.
 
WanderingWolf said:
You even know that you only have a chance at winning, yet still get disappointed.
Advice: Slow down, and stop getting ahead of yourself.
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I'm confused. What exctly in my train of thought implies that I have to "slow down" because I'm "getting ahead of myself?"
 
RunningWithScizors said:
WanderingWolf said:
You even know that you only have a chance at winning, yet still get disappointed.
Advice: Slow down, and stop getting ahead of yourself.
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I'm confused. What exctly in my train of thought implies that I have to "slow down" because I'm "getting ahead of myself?"
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You think too quickly when it comes to approaching a competition. You know that you only have a chance of winning, but your faced paced thinking it sending you past that, and you're instead thinking that you're the worst if you lose.

Then again, I could be wrong, since I'm basing this off of what I've interpreted your situation to be;.
 
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