Writing You had my heart (Watch me fail at song writing)

[PDC]

[You had my heart]

I think I know by now
The grasp you had me in
But now I think its over
Just like it should''ve be
Now as I lay here
Alone
I try to remember
What was it like
To not fell so cold

[Chorus]
Now I realize
What it is, to create my own demise
As I said before
Nothing but bitter tears on the floor
I don't know what i've done
My only reason is Because
You had My heart
[Chorus]

Just an open stage
With the curatains drawn
One poor actor
Trys to hide the harm
What has he done to himself
He left her all alone
It's a brutal world out there, especially for those who need a true home

[Chorus]
Now I realize
What it is, to create my own demise
As I said before
Nothing but bitter tears on the floor
I don't know what i've done
My only reason is Because
You had My heart
[Chorus]

Now I open my eyes
And I wonder why
I knew what I have done wrong ( All Along )
Please, take me back
I don't want to have this knife in my back
But she finally moved on

[Chorus]
Now I realize
What it is, to create my own demise
As I said before
Nothing but bitter tears on the floor
I don't know what i've done
My only reason is Because
You had My heart
[Chorus]

(Why must it end this way)
(Why must it end this way)

Just me, waving goodbye

I fail so bad its not even funny.

Also this is devoted to Blake... not sure exactly why but it is.

 

[MrGatr]

^You don't fail, you actually are pretty good, I was wondering if this was supposed to be a pop song or a slow rock song, I can't tell

 

[Shivershaft]

Very straightforward, typical breakup, I want you back, song. Nothing wrong with that, kinda like it. You have a melody/Progression in mind? I'm trying to figure it out, having some trouble xD

I see this song having a strong resemblence of Weatherman by +44, just by the way the syllables work. The chorus definitely wouldn't be the same, and this is a tricky chorus, but the rest of the song can be played to Weatherman.

One more thing, This is just a personal thing when it comes to straightforward break up songs but, I think that this song should definitely have more of a poppy, upbeat, beat. Why? Not only will that draw attention from our lacking mainstream, but it'll balance out nicely. Obvious downer lyrics paired with and up beat, it neutralizes, that way this doesn't sound all emo and whiny. Some people like that, I do on occaision. Whatever sounds best, do you play any instruments in which you can provide the progression? I'd really like to hear what you had in mind.