Writing Ricochet

Zenith

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Member
This is a fic that I have been planning out for the better part of a year. I decided to start actually writing it now that I have fully plotted out a beginning, middle, and end. It's...this chapter is a little bizarre. Its main purpose is solely to set up the entire rest of the fic. It jumps around a lot in terms of both style and time. You might not get a lot of it. Needless to say, a lot of this stuff will become important later.

Anyway. Here it is.

Ricochet.

Chapter 1: The One With the Hoenn League

“It was always going to end this way,” she said in her monotone. “There was simply no other outcome. Even through the complications, through the war and violence...this was always going to be the result.”

As she walked forward, she picked a black and white ball from her belt.

“But you knew all of this. You knew that it was just going to be the two of us in the end. How long did you know? How long did you let the antics ensue, the players scramble when the climax was inevitable?!” She said the last words with sudden fury, throwing the orb onto the glass-like floor in a flash of light. A shadow appeared behind her and spread its wings.

“I didn't find out until later,” he replied. “There were...complications. If I had known anyone would be hurt but myself, I wouldn't have let it happen. Especially...especially not you.”

He threw a ball of his own at the ground; after a flash, a pillar of light and flame appeared, its feathery wings spread wide.

“This is my burden. I'll only ask you once more,” he pleaded. “Stand aside.”

“Do you really think it'll be that easy? After all I've been through?! No. We do this the hard way. Attack!”

And the shadow and the light clashed.

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“You don't have any idea what you're doing, do you.” The green-haired, white-skinned female crossed her arms. “I'm seriously thinking that you only got eight badges by luck. What was that supposed to be?”

“I...almost know what I'm doing,” came the response. “I winged it. Look, we won, all right? We're in round two. Don't judge me on my methods.”

“Well, it was just Kennedy that time. You've beaten him billions of times. But what if you fight someone actually competent next round? You'll be in trouble!”

A young man, clad in a fashionable striped suit and bowler hat stepped forward. “I'm right here, you know!” Kennedy shouted. “That's not very nice.”

“Look, she's sorry, Kennedy. But I'm just battling the only way I know how. I don't see why it's such a big deal. I mean, I didn't get the badges by sucking.”

Aiden sighed and shook his head at the disparate scene in front of him. To his left was his best friend Kennedy, who was arguing with his Gardevoir. The conversation may have shifted to what the proper topping for a waffle is. Aiden wasn't bothering to keep up. The two were rather argumentative at times.

To his right was Blaziken, a red, orange, and tan anthropomorphic chicken. He was mostly leaning against a wall, not offering anything to the conversation at all.

The four of them were standing in Aiden's hotel room, a cramped, finely polished but bare suite. He wasn't entirely sure why Kennedy was in his room in the first place.

“Kennedy,” he broke in. “Why are you in my room.”

Kennedy thought about this briefly before coming alive with his answer. “Oh! Oh oh oh. I found out who your opponent next round is.”

Aiden waited for a bit.

“Oh! You want to know. It's a girl named Danielle. She has a Rotom and a Goruugo and stuff.”

“What is a Goruugo?”

“It's a ghost robot! It is fairly nifty. Ghost-slash-Ground type, mostly focusing on physical attacks. It's slow, but strong.”

“Alright. If it's Ground then Milotic should be able to handle it. Even if not, Absol can target its Ghost part as well as Rotom. I don't see any real difficulties.”

As it stood, Aiden currently had a full party – first, there was Gardevoir and Blaziken, his closest friends on the team. The other team members were the shy and perpetually nervous Absol, the somewhat lazy but sympathetic Altaria, the dimwitted but strong Miltank (borrowed from his grandparent's farm), and the motherly, unflinchingly kind Milotic.

“What mostly worries me is the 'stuff', and what constitutes it,” Aiden crossed his arms and thought. “I guess I'll find out when we battle.”

“I'm sure you'll do fine, dude! You're awesome. You beat my Swampert/Honchkrow combo,” Kennedy slapped Aiden on the shoulder.

“Not like it was that hard...” Gardevoir muttered.

“Yeah, I think I'll be fine. Thanks for stopping by! I'll see you later,” Aiden opened the door to let Kennedy out.

“No problem! I'll be here for the rest of the tourny to cheer you and Jackie on. Good luck!” And with that, Kennedy left the room. The level of excitement promptly shot down about twelve points.

Aiden sat down on one of the beds, and put his hand to his chin in a manner that said “I'm thinking.” Gardevoir sat down next to him.

“Do you think you'll be able to win this?” She asked in a soft tone. “I understand how important this is to you.”

“We all do,” Blaziken agreed, moving from his position against the wall. “All of us are ready for the rest of the tournament. And I think we'll do pretty damn well.”

Aiden sat silently for a second. “...Thanks, guys. I think I'm going to go for a walk.” He got up and grabbed a blue coat. “I'll be back in a bit.”

“All right. Take it easy,” Blaziken nodded.

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Aiden was a fairly average human being. Everyone had basically counted him out in the first round, mostly because he was up against the eccentric (and popular) Kennedy. Now he was considered the tournament's dark horse candidate, especially since he had basically come out of nowhere.

As he walked, the streetlights began to light up, shining down on his glossy black hair. He held his jacket closer to his body for warmth. Ever Grande was cold at night, he thought.

He looked around at the stores lining the streets. Most of them advertised being official sponsors of the Hoenn League, like that would draw in more customers. And sometimes it did. There were tons of tourists from the other regions in the country – Kanto, Sinnoh, Johto; even some from Sevii. While the Hoenn League wasn't as large an event as the Indigo League (still the largest tournament in the world) or even as noteworthy as the Sinnoh League, the Hoenn League still managed to draw quite a crowd every year.

Aiden sat down on a wooden bench in front of a flowery park. A few Taillow came up to him, but left when they saw that he didn't have any food. He leaned back and sighed.

Can I really do it? He thought. He had gotten all eight badges quickly enough. Only a few leaders gave him much difficulty. Sure, he didn't breeze through the gyms as quickly as Jackie, but he did it within the time limit anyway.

While lost in thought, he managed to miss the binoculars peeking out of a bush behind him.

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He was average sized, both in terms of weight and height – his listed attributes of one-hundred-forty-pounds and 5'10'' seemed fairly accurate. His hair was black, his eyes were dull blue, and he was wearing a navy blue jacket, zipped over another shirt (probably a t-shirt), as well as black pants.

This was all written down in a tiny notebook, which already had tons of things written in it, including all of Aiden's Pokemon and what moves they knew. These would all be important for the battle.

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“Well, folks, here we are at the first match of the Hoenn League's second round! Up today are two rookie trainers, the techno girl Danielle and tournament dark horse Aiden!”

“Techno girl, Bob?”

“Techno girl, Frank! I could not think of a better description. Please forgive me.”

“And I do, Bob! Anyway, let's get to the match...”

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It was freaking hot out. That was all Aiden noticed while standing at the far end of the stadium. It was hot, and the field was a desert. With some rocks, and such. Pointy rocks. There's something! Now he knew what the field was like too.

His opponent was a girl with brown hair in a ponytail. She had a messenger bag, and also a tank top and khaki jeans. She was shorter than he was.

He heard the referee shout something, and she took two balls from her bag. Aiden grabbed two balls from his pocket, and they both threw them into the air.

Raichu and Goruugo versus Absol and Altaria. The battle had begun.

Except you don't get to see it.

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“What? Why not!” The scientist shouted in anger. “That battle could be important! How am I supposed to understand this if I can't see it?”

“Oh, hush,” came the reply from behind the huge desk chair. “It's not that important. The reason you can't see it is because there's something in there that we can't allow you to see.”

“Why?”

“Because if we let you see it, you won't have to work to figure out this problem. We need a second opinion on it, because this is a very delicate matter. It could change the entire plan.”

“Alright. I'll get to work on it right away,” the scientist walked out the door, and closed it with a click.

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“Hey.”

Aiden's hotel room door opened just as he closed his suitcase. It was Kennedy.

“Listen...I'm sorry about your loss. But at least you lost to Jackie! She's actually good. You beat both me and that Danielle chick, though. That's good? Top sixteen! That's not an honor most people can claim.”

“It's alright, Kennedy.” Aiden sighed as he sat down on one of the beds. “It's not a huge deal.”

“Me and Jackie are going to Kanto.” Kennedy sat down next to him. “There'll be a whole new league there. Should be enough time for us to get all eight badges and enter the Indigo League. I'm sure you'll do even better.”

Aiden sat there for a bit. “Thanks, Kennedy. I think I will go. I'll tell my team in a bit.”

Kennedy stood up. “Alright. Take it easy, man. I'll see you at the Indigo League!”

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“Alright, guys. We're going to Kanto. Miltank is going back to my grandparent's, and both Altaria and Milotic have expressed interest in going back there as well. I know that you two are coming with me,” Aiden gestured to Blaziken and Gardevoir, “so that just leaves Absol. You coming?”

“I guess I will...if that's okay. I don't really have anywhere else I want to go...or anything...”

“Alright! Great. The boat leaves in an hour.”

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Aiden stood at the dock, looking back on the huge stadium in the distance. Wingull and Pelipper flew through the air, squawking at nothing. The wind blew his hair around, and smelled like salt. He sat down on the edge of the pier, and looked through his bag one last time. Clothes, food, PokèBalls, books, and several miscellaneous objects including a small, smooth rock, a “spell tag” that supposedly warded off evil spirits, and a broken flute. He zipped it back up and threw it back on while standing up. He turned to see his second round opponent standing behind him.

“Hi,” he said. “You're...Danielle, right?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “You were awesome in that battle. I'm going to have to get better, I guess.”

“Well, thanks. But I didn't end up winning.”

“I think you should have. Are you going to Kanto?”

“Yup. I assume you are too?”

She nodded. “My boat doesn't leave for another couple hours, though. I just came to see you off.”

“Ah,” Aiden remarked. “That was nice of you.”

“It's no problem. Friends?” She extended her hand.

“Uh...sure. Friends.” He shook it, and got on the boat as the horn sounded. He smiled to himself for having made a new friend, before thinking a bit more.

Wait, he thought.

How did she know which boat I was on?

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“Rise and shine,” the female voice was calm and soothing. “Just...just don't look at your hand.”



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END OF CHAPTER.
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Um...yeah.

It gets less weird later on. More description, more clarification, less mindscrew. Which is always good.

...yeah. I've got nothing. I'm so embarrassed. GIVE ME YOUR WORST I CAN TAKE IT
 
Hmm.... Doesn't really seem to confusing to me. If anything the organization is the best part! The only thing a bit confusing is the scientist scene. Great job! I'll will be waiting for more chapters.
 
So the pokemon talk as well? This is awesome! I look forward to seeing future chapters!
 
I've started the next chapter. It will be up within the next couple of days.

Thank you for the kind comments.
 
Great opening. Longest I've seen since BT on the Gym, but he left a year ago. You're in your zenith, I can tell. (LOL)

Lookin' forward to seeing more, ~AoH
 
The idea is to take a common/cliché story and take it apart to see how it works, as well as how it can be improved.
 
Was it really necessary to make chapter one like this? It's not bad if it has a purpose...

I was confused because of the jumps forwards and backwards.
 
It seems to just ricochet back and forth between scenes. [/badjoke]
Honestly, this is very good, and the foreshadowing (what I can recognize of it) is well written.
Overall, a great story, although you could have explained how exactly the Pokemon talk. Do all Pokemon talk to their trainers in this story, or does Aiden have a special power that allows him to communicate with them or something like that.
 
It was not explained why the Pokemon communicate with people for a reason.

It cannot be a special power that Aiden has, as Kennedy is shown arguing with Gardevoir.
 
Ah yes, sorry, the dialogue at the beginning was a bit confusing, but that was probably for a reason as well.
 
I was trying to capture the general chaos of the Hoenn League. One would imagine it would be a fairly chaotic event.

Anyway, here's chapter two. This chapter was fueled by Au Revoir Simone, because they are a good band. You should listen to them while reading this chapter.

This chapter is much more straightforward.

Chapter 2: The St. Anne

The cool ocean air felt good on Aiden's face, and the smell of salt pervaded the air. He leaned over the railing a bit, making a small sigh. It was a really nice boat.

He looked down at the water and saw a small school of Tentacool pass by. Tentacool were very common back in Hoenn; apparently, they were common all throughout the country. There were a few Pokemon that he didn't recognize, such as a small and round blue...thing. It had a long white tail and a swirl on its belly, too. His Pokedex was able to correctly identify it as a Poliwag. From its presence, it was easy to tell that the St. Anne was nearing Vermillion City.

Absol was lying by his side, looking totally content. That was the only Pokemon Aiden currently had with him; Gardevoir was back in the room - probably sleeping – and Blaziken was in the gym, located below decks. His team seemed to be enjoying themselves. Really, the entire trip so far had been basically perfect...

“BLARGH.”

...or not. Next to him, a young woman in a light blue t-shirt and jeans appeared to be vomiting into the ocean. Aiden was able to recognize her immediately.

“A little seasick, Jackie?”

“This is...this is terrible. Boats are terrible. Riding boats is terrible,” she scowled. Her long, brown hair was disheveled, and her green eyes had bags under them.

“Why are you even above decks if you get seasick?”

“Because I still get seasick below decks. I figure, if I'm going to be barfing, I might as well get a view, too,” she sighed. “Riding on a Pokemon is so much better. I don't feel as...confined.” She glanced down at Absol. “Is this the only one you brought?”

“What? No,” Aiden said as Absol stood up and stretched. “Gardevoir and Blaziken are here too. Just not with me.”

“Ah, okay. Any idea when we'll be docking?”

“Nope. I assume soon-ish?”

“Alright. Whatever. I think I threw everything I ate today up. I'm going to try to take a nap.”

“Do you need help getting back to your room?”

“Nah, I'm fine. Don't sweat it!” She called as she walked off.

“We might as well go below decks as well, Absol. Try to come up with a strategy for the first gym leader. What's his name? Sergeant Surge? Lieutenant Purge? Lieutenant Surge? I have no idea. Electric guy.”

“O...okay! We can do that,” Absol responded.

“I hope Gardevoir and Blaziken didn't get into too much trouble this time.”

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She and Blaziken had gotten into too much trouble this time, Gardevoir thought to herself.

The day had started out so peacefully. Gardevoir had the day to herself, to read in peace. Aiden and Absol were wandering around, and Blaziken was at the gym.

It was fairly terrible that now they were witnessing a kidnapping. Kidnappings are never a good thing to witness. Especially when the kidnapper had a very powerful Gengar that had been able to take Blaziken out in one Psychic.

Honestly, Gengar would not normally be an issue for Gardevoir. Its Poison typing was easy to exploit, and Gardevoir had Shadow Ball, anyway. But it was so much faster than Gardevoir was; and honestly, Gardevoir was fairly quick. So the Gengar could keep running around and pelt her with Shadow Balls, and there was naught she could do about it.

It had been such a great day, too. Where had it all gone wrong?

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Gardevoir sat down on the bed in the most relaxed position she could assume, and opened up her new book – Pokemon and Human Interaction in Sociological Perspective. Aiden had bought it for her as a birthday gift back in Mossdeep. It was a fairly informative text.

Just as she was really getting into the reading, the door burst open.

“Gardevoir!”

She looked up to see Blaziken looking down at her with a stern look on his face.

“...yes, Blaziken?” She said in a very condescending tone.

“This is important. Don't be rude,” Blaziken crossed his arms.

“What is so important that you needed to interrupt my reading?”

“There was a kidnapping. This guy in a weird mask kidnapped a little girl. I consider that important.”

Gardevoir jumped up. “So do I. Should we go get Aiden?”

“I don't know,” Blaziken sighed. “I still feel bad about the Hoenn League. We can do this on our own.”

Gardevoir looked at him briefly with empathetic eyes. “...alright, Blaziken. I hope we can handle it.”

The two of them ran out of the room and down the hall, shoving past random people and Pokemon. Eventually, they reached a door to the storage in the hull. Blaziken opened it with trepidation...and was hit by a Psychic as soon as he took a few steps into the room. The door slammed shut behind Gardevoir, and she looked forward to see that eerie Gengar grin.

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Aiden was mostly just wandering now, because he had forgotten his room number and didn't want to tell Absol that they were lost. If he did that, Absol might panic, and that's no good for anyone. He wasn't really paying attention to where he was going, so it wasn't too much of a surprise when he bumped into someone.

“I'm so sorry!” Said Aiden. He had knocked some papers out of the arms of an old, bald man wearing a lab coat and black pants. “Let me get those for you.” He bent down and began picking up sheets. They were covered in various formulas as well as sketches of graphs and Pokemon.

“Oh, it's no problem, my boy. I...um...it was mostly my fault. I wasn't paying attention at all. Um...thank you for your kindness.” He picked up a few papers as well until they formed a stack in his arms once more. “What is...um...your name? Precisely?”

“My name is Aiden.”

“Ah! Ah. Yes. It is a...um....pleasure. To meet you!” He reached out his hand and Aiden took it. “Um...they call me...Doctor Worm.” He glanced around a few times. “You can call me that too, um. Aiden.”

“It's nice to meet you too, Doctor Worm,” Aiden replied. He noticed Doctor Worm's glancing about. “Are you looking for something?”

“Oh...um. It's the darnedest thing. My, um, young granddaughter seems to have vanished on me. It's a bit of an...um...issue,” he sighed. “I don't think she'll run into too much trouble. This, um, boat is very safe, I believe. But still, I...um...worry.”

“I'll help you find her, Doctor Worm. If you need my help, that is.”

“That would be...um...splendid! Very splendid indeed. People from Hoenn are so, um, nice,” Doctor Worm patted Aiden on the shoulder. “Now, um. Let's get to searching, yes?”

“Alright, then. Where did you last see her?”

Doctor Worm scratched the back of his neck. “That is, um. An excellent question. Wait! I can't, um, believe I didn't think of it before.” He took a Pokeball from a pocket on his coat. “Um, I do believe you can help, Growlithe.” He released the Pokemon inside the ball; a small, red-orange canine with black stripes and a very fluffy tail. “Now, Growlithe. You, um, remember what little Anita smells like, am I correct?” Growlithe nodded and made a strange little noise; it sounded to Aiden like 'erf', but he couldn't be sure. “Good! Now, um. If you could assist us in locating her, that would be...um...grand.”

Growlithe held up its snout and began sniffing around. Eventually, it caught a scent, and began to bolt off in a direction. Aiden, Absol, and Doctor Worm ran off after it, until eventually they reached a large, metal door labeled “STORAGE. PERSONNEL ONLY.” Naturally, they ignored this completely and went in anyway. Or tried to, anyway. The door was locked, so Absol hit it with Superpower until it felt like opening.

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Gardevoir was getting more than a little sick of this Gengar. First of all, the Shadow Balls it threw were really annoying, and kind of hurt. Second, it kept licking her when she least expected it. Pervert. She tried hitting it with everything she had with varying levels of success; occasionally she would be able to graze it with a Shadow Ball or something, but for the most part it was annoyingly swift. Blaziken managed to get up eventually and landed a solid Blaze Kick...or rather, it had only seemed like a solid Blaze Kick, and it had Substituted at the last second. Now the two of them stood back-to-back, both fending off random attacks that they could not see.

Luckily, it was at this moment that the door burst open and flew across the room, smacking the masked kidnapper in the face and knocking him unconscious. Aiden, Absol, and a strange old man rushed into the room; the old man ran towards the girl who was previously in the process of being kidnapped, but now seemed to have forgotten about that as she embraced what appeared to be her grandfather.

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“I see you guys got mixed up into a bit of a mess,” Aiden shrugged and looked at Blaziken and Gardevoir. “Oh well. We're all back together now, and...”

The would-be kidnapper tossed the metal door aside and got back up. He took a few more Pokeballs from a belt around his waist and tossed them to reveal several Haunter. He motioned towards Aiden and the others; one Haunter guarded Doctor Worm and Anita, while four others attacked Aiden and his Pokemon.

Gardevoir started firing Shadow Balls at a fairly random rate, desperately trying to hit at least one Ghost. Blaziken spun around with powerful, flaming kicks that deterred attackers. Absol simply bounced around, hitting Haunter with Night Slashes. Aiden stood back and coordinated the three of them, making sure that they didn't hit each other.

Of course, while they were preoccupied with all of the Haunter, the Gengar was sneaking up behind Aiden, charging up a powerful Shadow Ball...and then it collapsed due to a powerful blow. Aiden heard a loud sound behind him, and whirled around to see a huge green lizard – Jackie's Tyranitar. Behind it was Jackie, still looking rather seasick.

“Ugh...Tyranitar. Dark Pulse. Don't hit Aiden's Pokemon,” said Jackie.

Tyranitar slowly took in energy, and finally released it in a powerful blast that spread out in all directions, somehow failing to harm Gardevoir, Blaziken, and Absol, but knocking out the Haunter. Aiden ran towards the kidnapper, who promptly vanished into thin air.

“...alright then. Okay,” Aiden scratched his head. “Is everyone okay?”

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Aiden was back above decks, and watched the Vermillion shoreline grow ever larger as the sun set to the left of him. This time, he was alone on the deck – well, he had been alone, anyway.

Doctor Worm walked up to him with Anita in tow and Aiden turned around.

“Thank you, um. Very much for your assistance in finding my Anita,” he said.

“It's no problem. I really didn't do anything at all...it was all your Growlithe and Jackie. We didn't even get the guy.”

“Ah! But if you had not, um, distracted the enemy Pokemon, Jackie would not...um...have been able to get in the sneak attack. You were more useful than you, um, know.” He dug around in his pockets. “Here...um. Take this as my thanks.”

“You don't need to give me anything. It's not a big deal at all.”

“No, no! I, um, insist. Take it.”

Doctor Worm held out his hand. Inside it was a single purple crystal. “This was, um, what began my research. I was curious about what it was. Now I know that, um, it's just a mineral. But it's amazing what will affect your future.” Doctor Worm looked a little more serious. “You are a nice person. Don't let anything change that. The world needs more nice people. Come, Anita! Let's go get you to bed.”

Aiden watched the two of them go back below decks. He turned the crystal over in his hands before pocketing it and following them downstairs.



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END OF CHAPTER.
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Some answers to some questions that some people might be wondering:
  • This story takes place in an alternate continuity. However, Red/Blue still happened. (Ruby/Sapphire did not.)
  • Doctor Worm is, incidentally, a real doctor; however, he is not a real worm. (He cannot play the drums.)
  • There's a reason I just said "Tentacool" early in the chapter, but had to describe Poliwag and later Growlithe. First to figure it out gets an e-cookie. (Haunter and Gengar should technically be in this category too, but there is a reason that they are not.)
  • The kidnapper is not described. (There is a reason for this.)
  • St. Anne is the Japanese name for the S.S. Anne. I think it sounds better?
  • The country that Aiden refers to in the first paragraph is made up of Kanto, Johto, Sinnoh, Hoenn, Sevii, and the Orange Islands. It is called the Indigo Federation, and its capital is located in Viridian. The ruling body is the Pokemon Association, and its executive leader is the High Chancellor. (I have thought this through a lot, and there will be a lot of supplementary material on this sort of thing.)

If you have any more questions, just ask. Constructive criticism also appreciated (especially pointing out grammatical/spelling errors).
 
I didn't find any grammatical problems, nor problems of really any kind. Your decription is great. I can picture everything, like a movie in my head. Also, this story is really captivating. I don't have to skim the story to make it more entertaining. It's fine the way it is.

Very well done.
:D
 
Zenith said:
There's a reason I just said "Tentacool" early in the chapter, but had to describe Poliwag and later Growlithe. First to figure it out gets an e-cookie.
Tenticool is in the Hoenn region(as you stated), but Poliwag and Growlithe aren't. Aiden wouldn't be able to reconize them. Am I right? Do I get an e-cookie?! :D
 
E-cookie goes to HypnoticLuxray! The story is written for the most part in third-person limited, so the reader can't know something that Aiden himself doesn't know.

@aggiegwyn: Thanks for the kind compliment! Description is something I struggle with, so I'm glad to hear it's gotten better.

@Dark Sonic J: It's a verbal tic. He has problems remembering the right words sometimes. To write his dialogue, I actually said it out loud until it sounded somewhat natural.
 
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