Writing Legend of the Warriors

Kamara12

The Lucario Girl
Member
Prologue
Long ago, in the ancient land of Galdar, there existed a kingdom known as Isen. Within this kingdom existed a society known as the Warriors. Some of them protected the kingdom from the attacks of other kingdoms. Others serve the king or queen in the royal court. Some even fought in the Royal Army. The Warriors were expert swordsmen and women who had a special connection to the forces of nature. At birth, Warriors were taught to control a certain element in nature, whether it be fire, air, stone, lightning, or even aura.
During the reign of King Joran, however, a new enemy arose by the name of Aberon. Declaring himself the Shadow Lord, Aberon destroyed villages surrounding the kingdom before making a full scale invasion on Isengard, capital of the kingdom. With newly created Shadow Beasts, the Shadow Lord was nearly impossible to defeat. Many Warriors fell before the hands of Lord Aberon. Soon, the capital was overtaken and the kingdom fell to Aberon.

However, there were some survivors who fled the kingdom and escaped in secret to the Sacred Island, an island off the shores of Isen. They soon developed a secret society where they trained their sons or daughters in their element. These survivors remain on the island to this very day.


“Hey sis?” a voice from the doorway startled Maria and she quickly closed the book. With a quick thought, she lit the lamp.

“Come in,” she called to the door. As if expected, the door opened and a boy with medium-cut black hair stepped in. He smiled when he noticed the book.

“Doing your homework,” he asked, still smiling. He found his way to the chair standing by her bed. She pulled her head back and smirked.

“Nah, just reading for pleasure, Malix,” she said. “I am reading the histories of Isen.”

“Is it interesting?” asked the boy.

“It should be,” came another voice. Maria and Malix turned towards the door to see their father standing at the door. He was a middle aged man with brown hair. “You two need to rest. Remember, your tests begin tomorrow.”

“Yes, father,” said Maria. Malix got up and gave a small bow.

“Sorry father, couldn’t sleep,” said Malix.
(not finished)
 
Variants of this concept have been around for a long time, and they are full of pitfalls (general cliché, characters going all godmode, the way it invites to creating very flat persona, etc. Trust me, I‘ve been there). That being said, this looks like a promising start, and I‘m interested to see where it‘s going. Hope you fare better than I did in this mini-genre!
 
Good so far, but it kind of reminds me of the nickelodeon cartoon Avatar: The Last Airbender in the element sense.
 
Kecleon-X said:
Do mind constructive criticism?
snrk

Is there a reason you included a background? Why not just go right into the story in the first place?
 
Whereas it is okay as is, there are a couple of things you could do to make it a bit better.

You could, for a start, make it a bit longer. Have more descriptions, etc., but whatever you choose is up to you; you are the writer, after all. :D

Here is something I do before I write anything. I ask myself a few of these questions to get everything straight: What are the characters wearing? Is the room dirty, or clean? Is it well lit, pitch black, or somewhere in between? How do the voices sound; are they irritated, or happy?

Now, of course, these are simple questions you can ask yourself, but there are more complicated ones as well.

As for the plot, it does seem a tad bit similar to A:TLA, but I believe that everyone can draw inspiration from anywhere, so I don't persecute.
 
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