This is me mixing literature, imagination and logic into one giant goop and then sieving out any lumpy bits that look interesting. You might think the story is random, and you would be right, as none of this has been planned and I’m making this up as I go along.
But be a good reader and assume there is some deep and meaningful message burried underneath all those horribly complicated paragraphs.
Enjoy :]
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Far beyond the scope of what we might call “regular” reality exists a place so full of logical contradictions most of us might wonder if such a place is really there. It is a place full of mundane wonders, gruesome beauties and moral evils. Everything about it is logically impossible, and as it is logically impossible for a logically impossible place to exist, it therefore follows that the logically impossible place does exist because it is in fact impossible for it to be there. In other words, it only exists because it isn’t supposed to.
It really is enough to make any Philosopher throw a tantrum.
Fortunately for us, most of the impossibilities cancel out with each other and we are left with a world that we can at least make some sense out of. Even better, this strange world also houses some interesting and intelligent life forms who will no doubt get embroiled into some sort of magical adventure at some point in this story because that kind of thing always happens. Welcome, friend, to the delightful world that is Talnem.
The locals of Talnem believe that their planet is the centre of the universe. And they are indeed right. Talnem exists within its own impossibility bubble and as such takes up all the room, making Talnem the centre of the universe and the universe at the same time.
At this point, a Philosopher would start to rip out his own hair.
Just above Talnems atmosphere is the sky’s limit, the edge of the impossibility bubble. Hundreds of tiny holes puncture its surface, where logical energy in the form of light cascades down to the surface. The Talnemians call these “stars”. Then there is the big hole, the hole emitting so much energy it lights the atmosphere of Talnem into a pale blue color. The locals call this the “sun”. And finally, to conclude this lesson on Talnemian astronomy, there is a big round rock pockmarked with craters which circles the planet every twenty-four hours. The locals call it “Walter”.
At this point a philosopher would tear his clothes off, run around the local neighborhood and proclaim ducks do not exist.
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Because this is a story, we have to begin in a quiet area that is insignificant in every possible way. This is how all good stories begin, it’s been done for a long time now. I’m not sure why really, it seems a bit pointless in my opinion. Because the insignificant place is the start of the story, it is henceforth significant, thereby leaving us with a lovely paradox.
Here we see vast fields curving off into the distance in every direction, dry dirt roads scarring the bright green sea of grass rippling in the wind. Large trees dot the landscape, their leaves shining in the sun like emeralds. There are no birds or beasts, only the sound of rustling leaves travels through the flower scented air.
Whump.
“Whump” is the precise sound someone makes when they have just been called into existence and hit the ground, in a field, at precisely 12:00 pm. Vertal was not aware of this fact probably because he was unconscious, and had he been awake such a useless fact of information would not have bothered him anyway. One thing that would have bothered him is why he whumped in the first place, because he had no memory prior to the whump and now had a lump on his head. Aside from the whump and the lump, he might have recognized the bump in his coat pocket, because this bump was the cause of the whump and henceforth the lump- not the bump itself of course, but what was causing the bump. Had he known what was making the bump, his reaction might have been to jump.
But he didn’t know, and rested quite peacefully.
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End of the first bit of the first chapter. I’m not sure what on earth possessed me to type this up, but I’ll continue the story if it goes down well. It should be noted that writing comedy is a lot more difficult than most think; I discovered that the hard way by the looks of it.
But be a good reader and assume there is some deep and meaningful message burried underneath all those horribly complicated paragraphs.
Enjoy :]
------------------
Far beyond the scope of what we might call “regular” reality exists a place so full of logical contradictions most of us might wonder if such a place is really there. It is a place full of mundane wonders, gruesome beauties and moral evils. Everything about it is logically impossible, and as it is logically impossible for a logically impossible place to exist, it therefore follows that the logically impossible place does exist because it is in fact impossible for it to be there. In other words, it only exists because it isn’t supposed to.
It really is enough to make any Philosopher throw a tantrum.
Fortunately for us, most of the impossibilities cancel out with each other and we are left with a world that we can at least make some sense out of. Even better, this strange world also houses some interesting and intelligent life forms who will no doubt get embroiled into some sort of magical adventure at some point in this story because that kind of thing always happens. Welcome, friend, to the delightful world that is Talnem.
The locals of Talnem believe that their planet is the centre of the universe. And they are indeed right. Talnem exists within its own impossibility bubble and as such takes up all the room, making Talnem the centre of the universe and the universe at the same time.
At this point, a Philosopher would start to rip out his own hair.
Just above Talnems atmosphere is the sky’s limit, the edge of the impossibility bubble. Hundreds of tiny holes puncture its surface, where logical energy in the form of light cascades down to the surface. The Talnemians call these “stars”. Then there is the big hole, the hole emitting so much energy it lights the atmosphere of Talnem into a pale blue color. The locals call this the “sun”. And finally, to conclude this lesson on Talnemian astronomy, there is a big round rock pockmarked with craters which circles the planet every twenty-four hours. The locals call it “Walter”.
At this point a philosopher would tear his clothes off, run around the local neighborhood and proclaim ducks do not exist.
----------------------------------------
Because this is a story, we have to begin in a quiet area that is insignificant in every possible way. This is how all good stories begin, it’s been done for a long time now. I’m not sure why really, it seems a bit pointless in my opinion. Because the insignificant place is the start of the story, it is henceforth significant, thereby leaving us with a lovely paradox.
Here we see vast fields curving off into the distance in every direction, dry dirt roads scarring the bright green sea of grass rippling in the wind. Large trees dot the landscape, their leaves shining in the sun like emeralds. There are no birds or beasts, only the sound of rustling leaves travels through the flower scented air.
Whump.
“Whump” is the precise sound someone makes when they have just been called into existence and hit the ground, in a field, at precisely 12:00 pm. Vertal was not aware of this fact probably because he was unconscious, and had he been awake such a useless fact of information would not have bothered him anyway. One thing that would have bothered him is why he whumped in the first place, because he had no memory prior to the whump and now had a lump on his head. Aside from the whump and the lump, he might have recognized the bump in his coat pocket, because this bump was the cause of the whump and henceforth the lump- not the bump itself of course, but what was causing the bump. Had he known what was making the bump, his reaction might have been to jump.
But he didn’t know, and rested quite peacefully.
----------------------------------------
End of the first bit of the first chapter. I’m not sure what on earth possessed me to type this up, but I’ll continue the story if it goes down well. It should be noted that writing comedy is a lot more difficult than most think; I discovered that the hard way by the looks of it.
