Writing Disbelief

Signature layout. I got it down though.

I have added [member]Squirtli[/member] and [member]Arceus of Heaven[/member] in the credits for endorsing this fic. Thanks! =D

So anyway, Chapter Two coming on Sunday as expected. A few things to reveal about it right now:

  • Magic explained!
  • Solo Collyn action!
  • Cliché wooden plank bridge scene!

Don't miss it! ;o
 
Okay, I didn't know that a list was up for who could support your story in their signature. I figured I'd do some charity work. Do you mind? I've already put it in as of this post.

Also waiting for Ch. 2. Excited...

~AoH
 
Chapter Two

"Sorry it took so long."

"It is fine, Garwin," Collyn replied, inhaling slightly deeper than usual. The two had spent no less than half an hour before heading out onto the road. Garwin had went around Yokkon to give his farewells to his friends. They were already aware that today was the day of his departure, but nonetheless appreciated the brief visit to say goodbye once more. During that time, Collyn had set off to the bakery for lunch.

"Don't buy too much," Garwin ordered before they split up. "I've been a fickle eater, so it's best that you buy less in case I'm not in the mood to eat. Anyway, hold out your paw."

"I have coins," Collyn immediately protested, stubbornly facing away from the Mienshao. Garwin could tell from how stiffly Collyn was maintaining his posture, the Houndour was anticipating his Accum to attempt slipping some coins into his pack or some sort of other trick.

"Don't be so chivalrous. I just want to give you enough to afford my own meal," Garwin chuckled. "Besides, what happens if you run out along the way? Better to supply you now. You can give me back anything you don't use. Just as a precaution, alright?"

Noontime, and Garwin had a feeling that Collyn just wanted to set something on fire in vexation. Contrary to his earlier thoughts, the Mienshao suspected Collyn of being proud, maybe even close to hubristic. Collyn had initially refused both the fur armor and the coins, not to mention such a logical person as charged right at him without gauging his abilities. Even more mystifying was his questioning on him being a blacksmith. Success being the ultimate goal in life... where did he get such an honor code when his father is so lax? There was one more question Garwin had that he intended on getting answered right now.

"Collyn."

"Yes, Garwin?" the Houndour replied, almost saying "what" instead of "yes" in irritation. The crafty blacksmith had his way the entire time ever since Collyn met him. That fact disturbed him. How was Garwin able to so easily reply to him?

"You don't know anything about magic, do you?" Collyn flinched and stopped walking, making his Accum halt as well. So it was true. Collyn had asked about sorcery in the tavern in an attempt to figure out what magic was. He had looked down in dissatisfaction when that had failed. Still, it took the teenager a few seconds to admit it:

"I don't, Garwin."

"Your father didn't teach you?"

"He says I would be unable to use it even if I learned." Garwin looked up to the sky.

"Hm... I can understand that. Well, there's no harm in trying, so why don't we introduce you to magic and see if we can go from there?" Collyn's ears perked up as he turned his head to look at his Accum.

"Y-yes, Garwin!"

"I see that got you enthusiastic," Garwin chuckled. "Well, magic follows a very simple concept: your faith in being able to perform magic allows you to cast it." Silence reigned from that point for mere seconds before Collyn's anticipated outburst appeared.

"What... What mockery is this?!" he cried, furious. A puff of smoke blew out of his mouth as his anger agitated his fire bladder.

"Nay, no mockery!" Garwin laughed, shaking his head.

"Enough!" Collyn growled, fist clenching. Garwin sighed and lowered his head, the sincere action cutting through his bright mood. His eyes were closed.

"If only I were jesting. Kahan's sorcery would have suited you, Collyn, but magic requires things that a sorcerer's training cannot provide. You're confident and decisive, but skeptical. Not that there's anything wrong with being skeptical, but in order to use magic, you must learn to be faithful. Note that I did not say 'trust'. To have faith and to trust are two different actions in the realm of magic. Trust simply means you take it for granted, but to have faith is one of spiritual embracing, to interact with magic as it were part of you. You're perhaps too young to fully realize this difference, but once you do so, the strength of magic would be in your own paws."

"So what am I to do?"

"Have you ever seen magic before?"

"No."

"Then it's best we start with a simple demonstration so you can have experience to start with. From that point, it's mostly up to you whether or not you can do it as well. Hand me your sword." Garwin heard the sword drawing from its sheath. He turned to face Collyn, taking the sword not by his hand, but by his fur whip. He looked around, spotting a tree already near death from frost damage that happened over the cooling autumn nights. He rose his arm slightly before unwinding, moving his arm in a throwing motion. His fur whip followed in that direction, sword at the end of it. When the whip fully extended, the sword halted in the air, pointing at the trunk of the leafless tree at least fifteen feet away from it. However, Collyn started when the trunk suddenly split, a large cracking sound making the damage evident.

Upon recollecting his senses, Collyn could note a few things about the split. To being with, it was mainly vertical, just as the sword edge was aligned. He frowned, walking up to the struck tree. Looking at the destruction more closely, it seemed like it was almost as if the sword itself physically struck the tree, almost cutting open the other side of the trunk.

"That technique is called by the scripts as Keen Edge, the weakest skill in the Edge Series."

"Magic is classified?" Collyn asked, turning only his head to face Garwin, wondering if all of magic had some sort of name.

"Well, it's our nature to classify things, but a Keen Edge's performance will always vary for every person depending on both the weapon and their mentality." Collyn looked at the scar on the tree again. If he learned magic, he knew that he would be much more lethal as a knight; he'd cover his only weakness: lack of range. The prospect of magic seemed so powerful... yet...

"Why isn't magic so commonly practiced?"

"Two reasons," Garwin replied, giving Collyn back his blade. "The first is that many fail to obtain it. The second is that while faith in magic allows you to use it, it does come with its own price." The Houndour cocked his head to the right, trying to think of what this price could be before Garwin said it, but to no avail. Thus, he simply listened as Garwin explained the downside of magic: "The belief in being able to use magic also comes with the belief that magic will use something from you. Call it a drain in willpower. The more magic you use, the more tired you will feel. Your arms will sag, and your body will refuse to obey you. If you overuse magic over a period of time, you could probably even go unconscious."

"Does practicing magic help... your willpower's stamina?"

"Not necessarily. There are supposed exercises for you to strengthen your willpower, but I know of only know of a basic one, and it doesn't work until you are able to use magic." Collyn broke into a growl of frustration. No wonder Father didn't bother trying to teach him a skill that can not be learned in a straightforward manner. He saw Garwin do it, and - so the Mienshao says - as long as he believes in magic, he should be able to use it.

No, it wasn't that simple. Collyn stared at the ground, defeated as he knew why. He didn't sincerely believe Garwin. It sounded too easy... or is that what makes it hard to accomplish? Wondering about it felt like trying to swim in the ocean, unable to discern the best direction to head off when no clues were visible.

"It's best you just leave it in the back of your mind while we move on," Garwin suggested. Collyn nodded, finally sheathing the sword. Though disappointed, he comforted himself with the knowledge that if he could overcome that obstacle, power that others could only imagine would be his. A matter of time. That was all. And so the two went along the road.

As they moved farther away from Yokkon, the road slowly became less and less regulated. Bumps of excess dirt, branches, leaves, pebbles, and more populated the path. Thick trees blocked views off the sides of the road, pretty much forcing them to focus their eyes on only the road ahead. Regardless, the sight was virtually uniform throughout, almost dully disorientating.

Thus when they reached a break in the road - a surrounding grass meadow, Garwin requested a short break from their travels. Understanding that Garwin might have needed the rest, Collyn agreed to it, but then asked if it was fine if he wandered off for a bit. The Mienshao grew interested at this and initially was about to refuse as it was his duty as Accum to watch over Collyn. Upon further consideration, he decided to allow it to give the teenager some sort of freedom and satisfaction.

Both of them knew that the Houndour would be attempting to use magic.

~~~

With the Mienshao relaxing, Collyn resumed back on the road, surveying the land to find something to practice on. Currently snacking on a pork bun - bought from the bakery with Garwin's coins - held in his right paw, he licked the dribbling oil running down his wrist. Collyn had a habit of consuming particularly fatty and oily foods, regardless of the flavor. However, since he didn't want to get his wielding paw dirty, he used his right paw instead. Now that it was time for practice, he placed the bun in the side pocket of his pack and his leather helmet on. The muzzle of the helmet would keep his mouth from opening wide, so he removed it in order to eat earlier.

He could already spot the chasm at the horizon. Canyons in Rogu were not common, but Yokkon had one neighboring it, active river rapids racing along the bottom. Perhaps it would make for a suitable land to practice with a few cliffs to destroy if he managed to replicate that Keen Edge Garwin demonstrated.

Unsheathing his sword, he walked towards the canyon, though not close enough to accidentally fall over the edge. The paved dirt curved till it ran alongside of the canyon to meet the wooden rope bridge that connected the two sides of the canyon. Upon seeing that bridge, his hackles rose.

Crossing the rickety wooden platform, a female Leavanny innocently treaded across the planks to Collyn's side, not aware of the threat behind her: a cloaked being at the other side revealed two sets of three silver, thick claws protruding from its whitish tan arms. Quickly putting his sword back in its scabbard, Collyn dashed towards the bridge, quickly thinking about what to do.

"Miss! Grab the rope! Now!" he barked, still a good distance away from the unwary leaf insect. She noticed him despite not actually registering what he said. By then, the hooded Persian crouched down, its claws slashing the rope connected to the left side of the planks. An inch worth of tightly twisted fibers were shredded like a piece of paper being torn in two. The action resulted in an awful snapping sound as the bridge lost crucial stability, beginning to rock significantly. The Leavanny cried out of fearful shock, grabbing the rope nearest to her.

"Walk as fast as you can!" Collyn ordered, close enough for the damsel in distress to understand him. However, she was barely past halfway to him on the fifteen-yard-long bridge, and only three ropes supporting the bridge remained. He needed to buy time.

Unsheathing the claws of his dominant paw, he ripped through the strap holding the leather helmet to his head rather than taking more time to neatly undo it. Firing a Flamethrower probably would not reach the enemy. Regardless, he knew what would. With his snout unrestrained, he quickly engulfed the remainder of the meat bun into his mouth, already filled with fire burning off of oily saliva. The food placed inside soon joined the combustion process, the rich fat of the pork as ideal fuel with weight.

Preoccupied with cutting the second rope, the hooded being didn't look up to see Collyn launch a Flamethrower towards him. The explosive force within his mouth catapulted the meat forward, past the streaming flare, which - as Collyn correctly guessed - couldn't make it to other side. The burning bun did.

Striking the hood at the side of its head, the bun splattered scorching oil on a huge section of the cloak, effectively igniting the most of it. Cursing, the cloak was thrown off to avoid getting singed. Collyn could see now see the Persian without his hood. Blazing emerald eyes stared at him for a moment before he got back to his job. The Leavanny had made significant progress, but she hasn't reached the end yet.

"You're close enough! Just run!" Collyn encouraged, finally reaching the end of the bridge. The Leavanny let go of the rope, trying to sprint to Collyn as the Persian broke the remaining ropes. From the back, the planks began to fall, sloping down. Realizing this, the Leavanny tried to run faster, but she was getting lower in comparison to the ground. By the time she reached the end, she could only jump, grabbing the rope to the side of the bridge, dangling from it two feet below from where Collyn stood. He was too short to reach down and retrieve her.

While the panicking leaf insect had no plan on getting out of the mess, the fire dog did. He had already taken off of his pack. Holding onto one of the straps, he stretched over the edge of the canyon, lowering the pack. The Persian watched them for a bit before he turned around to leave, his cloak burning to ashes on the ground.

"Grab it!" She quickly complied, holding onto it with both of her front appendages. Growling with effort, Collyn struggled to haul her up. Digging his hind paws into the ground, he slowly stepped backwards, getting the Leavanny to the ground. Once she got her feet, Collyn fell down to the ground on his bottom, panting. Stamina was never his forte.

"W-well, that certainly wasn't mundane..." the Leavanny concluded, breathing heavily from the adrenaline rush caused by the incident. She looked at her savior. "Thanks..."

"No problem," Collyn stammered, much more out of breath. "Just... helping, miss."

"It wouldn't be at all polite to just go on my way at this moment, would it?" she asked him.

"I... I suppose not, miss," he replied, a bit too tired to think completely straight. The strangely pointless questioning didn't help either.

"Then while I'm here, may I ask you for your name?"

"It's Collyn, miss."

"Colon? Is that not some sort of punctuation mark?" The Houndour was not sure at this point whether to take this person seriously or not. If he had the energy to move, he'd walk back to Garwin to let the blacksmith deal with her. At the time, he did't have that luxury.

"Collyn, miss. Rhymes with 'tin'."

"Ah! Collyn! My name's Lynette. Pleased to meet you!"

"Likewise," Collyn managed, trying to stand regardless of how aching his muscles got from heaving fifty pounds up a few feet. Upon getting up from fours, he noticed that he threw his leather helmet to the ground when using his pack. He wouldn't be able to fasten it back on since he had destroyed the straps to get it off quickly. Lynette followed Collyn's eyes to see what he was looking at.

"Oh! Those straps..."

"Yeah, I broke them."

"I'll fix it up for you!"

"No, it's fi-"

"Nonsense! You saved my life! It's the least I can do for you!" Collyn sighed, deciding to just refrain from trying to talk her out of it. He simply watched her as she walked over picking it up to inspect the damage. "Hmm... this is simple work. I could do it in ten minutes if you have time."

"I do," Collyn admitted. She walked over to Collyn, sitting besides him. Scrutinizing the rips through the straps, Lynette started to form thin strands of silk from her mouth. Using the sharp end of her hands, she started to weave the white thread through the leather, wielding the two broken ends together. As she did so, the woman started to speak of her background, her home town, her family - both when she was born and when she left to start - her own apparel business, her difficulty in finding competent hands to hire...

"No one these days have patience anymore," she sighed, smoothing out the silk and checking her work before fully reattaching the broken straps to each other. "Weaving and tailoring requires the utmost patience..."

"Do you normally talk this much to others?" Collyn interjected. His head was turned away as his cheek was smacked by Lynette's hand (or, at least the upper part of her arm). Even though he wasn't wearing anything to protect it, the slap hardly stung at all. The only reason he didn't turn his head back was from the suddenness of it... not to mention he didn't expect such a response to his question at all.

"Oh, that's exactly what I meant by impatience. Thank you so much for demonstrating!" Lynette replied cheerfully, seemingly unaware that she had struck him at all. "Now, where was I...? Ah yes..." She continued talking while Collyn gritted his teeth. He even contemplated just snatching his helmet back and storming off. However, ten minutes was but a mere price to avoid further trouble, so he just sat there, trying to tune out Lynette.

"Well, here we are." She tugged at the patched area to verify its strength before handing it back to Collyn. He took the repaired gear and wore it, noting no felt difference. "Sawsbuck leather is really thick and hard to work with, but I think I made enough stitches for it. Whoever managed to make this had skill... I'm surprised you actually tore through it. Your claws must be pretty sharp."

"Thanks," Collyn muttered.

"You're welcome. Yokkon's down this path, right?"

"Yes, miss."

"Then I'll be off on my way. Where are you headed?"

"Jakyln, miss."

"You have to take the bridge for that, right?"

"Yes, miss," Collyn sighed, standing up.

"But the bridge is gone," Lynette replied.

"It is, miss."

"How are you going to go to Jakyln, then?"

"I'm not sure, miss, but I must find a way."

"Alright, if you're so insistent on it. Good luck."

"Farewell, miss." Collyn said, just wishing for her to get going and be done with this encounter. The bridge was completely destroyed... what would Garwin plan on doing from there?

"Oh, and one more thing. If you're every in need of any clothing for the winter. Just check out the Jeweled Silk at Hammel. Just mention my name and you'll get a discount, alright?"

"Yes, miss." Lynette nodded, smiling as she then walked off. When she was mostly out of sight, Collyn sighed, lowering his head to rest it on his paw. That Leavanny tired him out for some reason. How does listening to someone drain so much energy?

"Exhausted?" Garwin asked from behind him. Collyn, startled from the sudden sound behind him, turned around, drawing his blade in a flash, panting as he realized it was only his Accum. Stupor replaced panic.

"Wh-when...?" Garwin laughed as Collyn stared, astonished. How did his ears not pick up any sounds? How long had he been around?

"I need to teach you much more than magic and fighting, from the looks of things," he chortled. "Arceus knows how things would go if you ever tried looking for a mate with how you treat others."

"That has nothing to do with you!" Collyn retorted, his temperature rising from embarrassment. Garwin simply resumed his laughter. Following the young'un paid off quite well...
 
So, I'm just going to point out stuff now. It's not my fault if it's actually right :p

-Second Paragraph: "Garwin had went around"
-Eighth Paragraph: "The crafty blacksmith has had" - The rest of the stuff is in past tense, so I think that should be "had had"
-I don't even know what Paragraph: "no plan on to getting out" - the "on to" seems a bit out of place
-Same Paragraph as ^: "cloak beurning to ashes" - burning, not beurning :p
-A few Paragraphs later: "Collyn's eyes to see what he was look at." - looking, not look
-Not even keeping count anymore: "her family when she was born and" - That needs some commas depending how it was meant to be read

Yeah, that should be about all of what I found. This is starting to be pretty awesome, but now I'm wondering about the Persian D:
Zyflair, why do you do these things to me >.< Just make sure to keep things this epic :p
Oh, and while I'm at it, HAPPY NEW YEAR ZY~
 
Not sure what is wrong with your first correction, but I will work on editing things once I take a look at verb tenses again on an actual computer. EDIT: Nope, as far as I checked, the first two should be the way they are.

("Beurning?" SPELLCHECK WHY YOU FAIL ME? ;_; )

In terms of action, Chapter Three serves more as a transition into actual plot movement. Momentum by action will have to be sacrificed, unfortunately.

Thanks for reading!
 
It's great, as always, but I noticed that there are a few errors. But then again, I'm still only a beginner at writing!
 
If you think you spot something that should need fixing, please let me know! A fanfic must strive for perfection!

Thanks for reading!
 
Really? I never remembered you giving any indication, oh wait:
15:18 Luna "but the bridge is gone"
15:18 Luna "it is, miss"
15:18 Luna this is /funny/

Thanks for reading!
 
Okay, here I go.
Chapter Two

"Sorry it took so long."
It took me about five seconds to realize this was Garwin speaking, and not you.
The crafty blacksmith has had his way the entire time ever since Collyn met him.
I think the "has" is superfluous. At the very least it should be replaced with "had".
Upon seeing that bridge, his hackles rose.
Thank you for making me get out my dictionary and giving me a new phrase to use in future.
"Grab it!" She quickly complied, grabbing it with both of her hands.
I don't think they have hands.
At the time, he doesn't have that luxury.
Didn't.
His head was turned away as his cheek was smacked by Lynette's hand (or, at least the upper part of her arm).
See! I don't think they have hands!
"Arceus knows how things would go if you ever tried looking for a mate with how you treat others."
wahahahahahahahah

There's probably one or two more in there that I forgot to mention, but no matter.

I've become terribly jaded when it comes to reading fanfics; I just seem to read them and immediately stop once I find a mistake, which then lingers in my head. Granted, mistakes should be pointed out, but I want to ENJOY myself, dangit. (I had that experience this weekend, actually. I read a completed fanfic that my friend wrote, and it was riddled with errors, but I managed to suppress all the mistakes and enjoy it nonetheless. There were some tricky moments, but nothing too big.)

If you get me back into the habit of reading fanfics just so I won't see the mistakes in them anymore, I will hug you (or whatever floats your boat) as often as you want. *insertobligatorynohomoclausehere*
 
Pah, if I could perfectly proofread my work in less than a few hours, I'd treat it as a godsend. Other than that, as you can see, I am still suffering with those verb tenses (Y U SO COMPLICATED). I guess the good news is that this chapter ended off a bit lightly (not to mention you didn't actually address that many errors). Oh well, I'll go fix them on my spare time.

Thanks for reading (and good luck with that unusual problem)!
 
TyphloWolf has been added as Endorser.

Chapter three is fairly standard stuff. Nothing amazing, just pushing along the plot and revealing a bit (and what a small bit it is!) of Collyn's history through his own reflections. Nothing fancy, but it's not bad considering how painful it was to make it with Writer's Block.
 
Chapter Three

"The same Persian, eh?" Garwin asked, rubbing his chin again. None of this news meant anything good. The idea of taking a break to observe Collyn was a fine idea under normal circumstances. The problem was that the circumstances they were in today were far from normal. A life could have been lost due to his absence. With his long whips, saving Lynette would have been an easier task to complete for him that it had been for Collyn.

"The one from the tavern, Garwin. I'm sure of it. He looked exactly the same," the Houndour replied, looking off at the broken bridge. "I think he's just trying to slow us down, really." Garwin remained silent, letting Collyn explain his thoughts: "If he was really attempting to kill that Leavanny, cutting the ropes is a vastly inferior method compared to simply crossing the bridge to directly kill her."

"But then couldn't you also get physically involved in that case?" Garwin rebutted. Collyn shook his head.

"I was still a far distance away from the bridge. I'm confident that our foe could have easily reached Lynette and dealt serious damage before I got close enough to even touch him with fire. Besides, when I looked over, he wasn't looking at her, but the bridge." Garwin couldn't help but remain quiet. For Collyn to pay attention to even what the Persian was looking at in the midst of an emergency was a feat that he himself couldn't do even when he was a younger warrior. Collyn continued in his trail of thoughts aloud: "He couldn't care less about that Leavanny... he was planning on just getting the bridge cut. But..."

"What is it, Collyn?"

"We can't say for sure he cut the bridge for us. There could be some other purpose or motive that we just don't know about. Regardless, I think it would be wiser to become more cautious, Garwin. That Persian might only be part of a small group or of trivial plotting, but we can't count on that. If there's something at large, then... well, I'm not sure."

"How about we focus on our own task first and deal with anything that comes along the way?" Garwin said. Collyn nodded, letting Garwin take over things from there. "Since the main route is taken out, we'll have to go around the canyon."

"Can that be done?" Collyn asked, not aware of any other path to Jakyln.

"It can. Not too far east from here, the canyon river runs down to a lake. There, the land levels out, so we can actually go around that lake and end up at the other side. It'll delay us by a day or so, but that's why we left a few days early, after all."

"Yes, Garwin."

"Now, about that helmet..."

"It's fine now, Garwin. I don't intend to ruin it again." The Mienshao nodded. "Also, I think I figured out something about magic," Collyn claimed, getting on all fours to scratch an itch behind his ear. Garwin chuckled at the sight.

"What is that something, might I ask?"

"Magic is biased; people who find it impossible in the first place will never succeed, yet those who think it's simple never have a problem using it."

"Which one of the two groups are you a part of then?"

"Neither. I'm sure I can learn magic, but I just don't know how long it takes. The more I think about it, the more doubts I get about all of it," Collyn sighed, stopping the scratching. "That said, I'm going to stop thinking about it. I've already experienced what magic can do, so I'll just have to let my subconscious do the rest of the work."

"And you're telling me so I wouldn't accidentally remind you about it," Garwin presumed. Collyn nodded silently. Garwin spent a few seconds in that silence before deciding to move on.

"Oh, before we get going, take this." Collyn looked up to see a small, cylindrical tin can offered to him in that long furry drape of Garwin's. He took it, seeing a cork set on the top of it. Taking it off, he lightly sniffed it to figure out what it was. He capped it as soon as he got the scent of strong paraffin oil in his sensitive nose. He was tempted to light it up immediately; such was his fiery nature. Garwin turned around, beginning to walk. "I brought my own supply, but there's no lantern to use it for. It would be better in your paws just in case, especially in a fight."

"Yes, sir," Collyn murmured, too intoxicated by the oil to remember addressing Garwin by his name. He forced himself to put it away as he followed. Some other time to burn it, he told himself. Some other time.

~~~

Even with the winter approaching, the lush green in the forest suggested otherwise. The young Stantler raised its head, picking the ripe Oran berries off of the tree. It had parted from its herd slightly, but close enough to still know where they were. For some reason a shadow of worry hovered over it, but the reindeer tried to ignore it, as it could not detect anything of actual concern. Yet something told it that danger was near.

A light warning growl. The Stantler immediately stopped its eating, turning to look in the direction of that growl, seeing nothing, smelling nothing. Yet there was that growl. It gazed in that direction, assuring itself that nothing would come from there. Eventually, the Stantler moved its head back to consume more berries.

Another growl. The Stantler looked over once again. The shadow of fear has crept over enough to reach its hooves, grabbing the animal by the ankles. It wanted to leave, but it could not move. Danger. Danger was nearby.

But this Stantler was looking in the wrong direction.


As Collyn distracted their prey, Garwin had slowly advanced from the other direction. The Stantler didn't notice him at all until his cast his whip, catching it by the leg. Startled, it attempted to move as the nearby herd fled. However the Stantler immediately lost balance as the whip tugged it back while raising a leg at the same time. As a result, it stumbled back towards Garwin onto the ground. Collyn dashed out of the bushes, sword already drawn. Not bothering to go for anything fancy, he swung the sword around, thrusting the blade right into the chest of the reindeer. He didn't completely pierce the heart, but he managed to puncture a lung with the blow. A painful and moderately slow death for their dinner. The Stantler's own herd left it as a sacrifice to assure their safety from the two travelers.

Garwin had to hand it to Collyn for the clever method of taking down such tricky game. The illusionary powers of a Stantler were not to be taken lightly. Collyn kept it occupied with growls and made sure to not observe the reindeer so intently, preventing himself from being affected by any illusions cast from the beast's antlers. This form of distraction let Garwin take it down from being any trouble.

Using a knife, Garwin sliced out a sizeable portion of the rib and loin, setting it in the front pocket of his backpack before getting back up. Meanwhile, Collyn had climbed up on the tree the dead herbivore was once eating from. Reaching with his sword, he detached several Oran berries from the branches they hung from, dropping them onto the firm ground with a thud. He went slightly higher onto a thick tree branch and proceeded to cut down several tiny branches, sending them down to accompany the berries on the ground.

"Well, Stantler and Oran berries just as the sun was starting to set," Garwin sighed. "I was beginning to worry as well."

"What are we going to do with the rest of the meat?" Collyn asked, kicking off of the tree limb he was on and landing to the ground. He looked up at Garwin as the Houndour collected the berries and branches.

"Leave it for the scavengers. No need to do anything more with it."

"Yes, Garwin."

~~~

Slowly the depth of the canyon evaporated as they approached the lake. The sun has yet to fully submerge to its divine quarters, but as far as anyone within the forest were concerned, the cosmic sphere was nowhere to be seen. The only sign of its presence was the lukewarm glow of the lake ahead, the reflection of the sun's final rays of the day giving them a clear view of their planned camping site. Flat ground acted as a buffer between the body of water and the dense woods. The plant-less ground was no doubt caused by the change in elevation of the lake, keeping plants from growing nearby. Now that it has receded, making a camp in the open was significantly easier than attempting to set it up within the flora-infested floor in the woods.

Tossing the gathered firewood from the Oran trees to the ground, Collyn took out the paraffin oil can. These branches were still far from dry, so it would be better to use a bit of oil to sustain the fire. Pouring a good tablespoon's worth on the large pile, Collyn then capped the tin can with the cork before getting his mouth filled with fire. Infrequent uses of his fire bladder would agitate him, and he'd only used it once. Father would say three times a day was good, but twice was an acceptable minimum. So he let loose all of the excess fuel from his grumbling fire bladder, blasting a strong Flamethrower onto the intended campfire. None of the wood had caught on fire yet, but the lighted oil stayed ablaze long enough to completely dry out the wood.

Once the campfire was set, Garwin pulled out an exceptionally small Dutch oven fashioned from cast iron, clearly intended to cook a meal for no more than two. Walking over to the lake, he scooped up water such that about a third of it was filled with the potable liquid. Adding the strips of Stantler meat and crushed Oran berries, he placed the pot right onto the burning mound.

"Well, it'll take time," Garwin sighed. "Can you keep watch for now? I'll take a quick nap."

"Yes, Garwin."

"Good. Wake me up at midnight. You can rest then." The Mienshao curled up on the dirt floor, closing his eyes to rest, leaving Collyn to his lookout duty. The sun had completely set now, the moon already occupying the dark sky. The metal lid of the pot rattled, high pressure from the steam inside pressing against it, desperate to push out. Collyn grabbed the lid handle and slid it to the side, leaving the oven slightly ajar to vent out the excess steam. His left paw snatched the wooden soup spoon hanging out of Garwin's main pack, and then reached into the boiling stew to scoop out a large bite.

Though scalding to most, the stew could be considered to be mildly cool to Collyn for all he cared. His mouth dealt with far higher temperatures. The even taste of the Oran berry with the oily fat of the Stantler's meat made for a basic yet satisfying meal. After repeating the scooping and slurping half a dozen times or so, Collyn set the spoon on the lid, planning on consuming the meat later.

He walked out towards the lake and stared down at it, into his own reflection.

"Collyn, please look at me."

With the leather helmet off of his head, the moonlight gave Collyn a good view of his head. He looked-

-towards the speaker. He remained absolutely silent.

Why must he go through that memory again?

"Why aren't you sparring with the others? Just practicing on a dummy can't be as fun."

Fun, eh? How long had it been since he ever donned a smile?

"They said I was too serious, and that I won too much. It wasn't fun for them... so I left."

"But-"


She faltered. He remembered that. He knew that she just wanted to help out. Did it matter to him? No, just make this pointless reminiscing end...

"Me not having fun is better than them not having fun, right?"

She never answered that. Couldn't answer that. Bending low, Collyn used his paws to splash water into his face to cleanse his mind of the memories... It didn't help...

And he fell into the small stream...
 
So, I noticed only a small mistake. Somewhere near the beginning of the chapter, you said "that" when it should have been "than".

Really good chapter. I am looking forward to Chapter Four. :)
 
"He was tempted light it up immediately; such was his fiery nature."

There should be a "to" in there somewhere :p

A rather short chapter, but still interesting, nonetheless. I can't wait to read Chapter Four, though I do hope it explains that memory, because I'm confused xD Either way, this is still looking pretty awesome, so keep it up :3
 
Reaching with his sword, he detached several Oran berries from the branches they hung from, dropping onto the firm ground with a thud.
Should probably be a 'them' in there somewhere
Infrequent uses of his fire bladder would agitate him, and he's only used it once.
he's ---> he'd?
Adding the strips of Stantler meat and crushed Oran berries, he placed the pot right onto burning mound.
'the burning mound', I assume
The Mienshao curled up on the dirt floor, closing his eyes to rest, leaving Collyn his lookout to duty.
okay I'm not exactly sure why but something about this sentence seems off
And he fell into small stream...
I think there's an article missing

I was hoping to see no mistakes at all, but was disappointed about halfway in. Oh well, at least it helps you improve.

You know, I can't help but feel that the Collyn in chapter 3 is different than the one in chapter 2. This new one knows too much about what just happened; he's even insightful. Before he just did what came naturally with very few words. I might have missed something, but this shift seems rather...well, sudden.

Or maybe it's because it's 10.30pm and I forgot to read this earlier in the day.
 
Back
Top