Writing Vengence (chapter one completed)

Shoyru1444

Ampharos will rise!
Member
Okay. This is my first story on Pokebeach. This is merely chapter. I have to say, this was inspired by the story Seven Days of Terror by PMJ. Thanks, SuperMod! :D Anyways, enough delay. Here's the story.

Bagon paced the forest grounds. He awaited for his appointment to come. He sighed, then dropped on his behind. He could wait a few more minutes, the time would come. They would have to listen to his ideas this time.
The Koffing floated over to him. It said to him in that oh so detestable monotone voice of his,
"The Master will see you now."

Bagon grinned, walking along the earthen path littered with colored leaves that marked the season as Fall. His idea was good. He would be accepted.
He finally came to a stop. There was a throne, surrounded by a perimeter of currently bare trees. On top of it, sitting on a chubby behind, was a Slowking. It was ugly, but he would endure its revolting presence to voice his voice, to present his acceptance into the society. He bowed low, swallowing dignity and pride as he descended.
"Master Slowking, Bagon at your service." he said to the slobby king.

The revolting creature squinted at him, rustling a little in his bloodred robe. His hand abscently selected a sugared and sundried strawberry from a bowl being held by a servant. He plopped it into his mouth and chewed greedily. It said through a mouthful of ironically fattening fruit,
"What is it this time, Bagon? Surely not another half-brained idea that will fatten my kingdom. Like last time.... that was funny. Hah hah hah!" he exclaimed. The servant nervously laughed, not wanting to risk his master's anger. Two burning red spots appeared under Bagon's eyes. He had discovered a natural growth hormone and had presented it to his king.

The king acted as though it were his own discovery and had, stupidly, instead of testing it before administering it, used it on all the crops. The effect at first was stupendous; all the crops grew at an amazing rate. Instead of taking three months, it took five weeks. Soon, the pokemon were gorging on delicious berries. However, there was too much food, and the kingdom all grew overweight. Seeing the disasterous results, the king proceeded to blade Bagon for the idea. The outraged Dragon-type protested, and the king banished him for speaking against his king. Now, he needed to appear useful in order to become accepted back into the kingdom.
Bagon shook his head.
"No, master... I've already tested this one on myself. It is a drug, created from the juices of a berry hybrid I farmed myself. The chemical temporarily increases the strength for about five minutes. However, its effects are amazing; it increases strength by at least three times. A tiny bagon like me was able to lift a..."

The fat king yawned long and pointedly. He said,
"Oh, whatever. I just want to know if it works."
Bagon narrowed its eyes. However, the king was looking absently at the sky, and did not notice. Bagon said,
"Yes. I have already tested it on myself. Here, look..."
Bagon took a small container from the pouch it carried with it. It removed the lid and downed half its contents. He waited a moment. The familiar pulsing of blood rushing to his muscles began. He waited until it stopped. Then he walked over to the nearest dead tree. It was of size, being about 25 feet tall. He reached his skinny limbs as far around the tree as they would reach, then pulled.

The tree was instantly uprooted.

The king's jaw dropped. Bagon threw the tree back down. The king stuttered,
"That... that juice let a tiny.... bagon like yourself lift a tree? Amazing! Lombre, get that juice from him. Let me see it."

Bagon handed the container to the Lombre. He escorted it to his master, then timidly waited at its side. The king drank the liquid, then carelessly threw the container aside. It promptly shattered. Bagon gave an angry start of surprise, but the king had its attention only for himself. He felt his body strengthen itself. Once the pounding stopped, he stood up, groaning. He walked over to the tree neighboring the one Bagon had uprooted. He seized it and picked it up, much the same as Bagon had done. He threw it to the ground. He then proceeded to do the same to the rest of the trees. Halfway through, he couldn't lift the trees. Bagon guessed that it was due to the fact that drug was wearing off. Slowking huffed back into his throne. He said to his Lombre servant,

"Inform the city that I have a new 'super strength potion'. Tell them that it's for sale, and to make reservations. Twenty Pokedollars per dose... hmm... no, make it thirty. Be swift! Now, Bagon, do you think that you could make more of the drink?"

Bagon asked cautiously,
"Does this mean I'm back in the kingdom?"
"Sure, whatever. Just... go, make the money ju... erm, strength juice. As much and as quickly as you can. I'll give you two percent on the profits. Just... go. Make the juice!"

Bagon bowed, then left. He was grinning as he went. Mentally, he make a check on his imaginary list. The first one, the one with a chech, read 'Re-enter Kingdom'. The second one, with a clear box, read simply 'Revenge'.
 
No clue how this was inspired by a canon-like fanfic, but whatever.

This is in dire need of more Enter keys; every pargraph should have at least an extra line between them so it doesn't become an unreadable block of text. Also, it looks much better that way. Take that advice of a person that's been reading around for quite some time.

Pertaining to the fanfic itself, it's an interesting opening and I have no personal comments on it for now. I hope to read more of this.
 
Zyflair said:
No clue how this was inspired by a canon-like fanfic, but whatever.

This is in dire need of more Enter keys; every pargraph should have at least an extra line between them so it doesn't become an unreadable block of text. Also, it looks much better that way. Take that advice of a person that's been reading around for quite some time.

Pertaining to the fanfic itself, it's an interesting opening and I have no personal comments on it for now. I hope to read more of this.

Thanks. I'll update it now. Oh, and the tab key doesn't work. It's strange.
 
Shoyru1444 said:
Thanks, lol. I write really well (at least, I think I do...)

LOL, same with me! We shoudl totally like join up a fanfic together someday. But do this first! I really like it. Cant wait for the next chapter!
 
aggiegwyn said:
LOL, same with me! We shoudl totally like join up a fanfic together someday. But do this first! I really like it. Cant wait for the next chapter!

Sure! Umm, what's a fanfic?

(LOL, I know, fail)
 
Shoyru1444 said:
Sure. I'd like to do that sometime.

cool! can't wait for the next chapter!
(might want to read something of mine before agreeing to this, like my story, Pokemon Chronicles in here.)

This is really good so far though!
 
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