Something I wrote. So funny. It is in Alvin and the Minezumis bio.
The Thob Religion
Thob is the leader of the great Thobreligon and is rather un-sentimental. He worships red dragons and cheese.
Thob teaches that daily prayers are vital if the breadbins are to make that crucial decision to retain or destroy the universe.
Following is one of Thob’s favourite – consequently everyone else’s least favourite- prayers.
‘Oh breadbin. How you fascinate me. Do reward my faith with the total power of the rightful destruction of the universe—summon the might of the cheese within you—summon the red dragon and let the fire burn as the universe goes moldy. Let the people know that they have been mistaken with their worship. Oh listen to me, great one! Harken and curdle the great revolution!
Thob has convinced himself that his hilarious teachings are the truth itself and therefore wants the apocalypse to get a move on. The details of the ultimate doom of the universe are somewhat unclear– but allegedly a great creature will rise from Thob’s bin, (where the popular child’s book called Everyone Let’s Make Fun of the Breadbin comes from).
No one actually takes this seriously-even Thob himself has to occasionally put himself through rigorous fasting, eating only cheese rind to renew his faith in the comical ‘end of the universe’.
Thob teaches us that cheese and red dragons are the most powerful things in existence but no one listens to Thob so it doesn’t really matter. Thob also thinks that paper is the most valuable substance in the universe so actually Thob is very, very, mad!
As Thob said, “You must love the one that dislikes cheese and feel sorry for him.” This is quoted from his third book, How Cheese Rules.
Thob has decided that the making of the universe was a very bad move and prays to his bread bin each morning to end the universe. As Thob says in his second book, “Bread bins hold the power to destroy the universe or to save it. Also they hold bread for us to eat so we don’t go hungry.” His second book is called Thob Explains the Wonder of the Galaxy and bread bins.
Thob was born in a caravan and has ever since traveled the world in it and has been telling everyone about his strange beliefs. He was born in 6982 BC and has decided to die in 9687 AD. That means we have 7677 years of listening to him before he dies! I don’t think I can last a minute, let alone 7677 years!
There is a common view that Thob is lunatic asylum escapee and that hopefully someone will one day come to take him back home-apologizing profusely. Many professionals have been baffled by Thob’s actions—as psychology expert Duke Skytalker said,” Thob is a lost cause. How creation came up with such a horror beats me.”
Thob has been tried time and time again, but there has never been enough evidence to get rid of him. There are plans to force him off to the moon, but they are early in development.
'Cheese is like the sun. It will be glorious forever.'
Everybody can hardly wait to get rid of Thob, but as he will not be dying any time shortly, there have been numerous plots and schemes to get rid of the man often known as ‘The Dullinator’. Generally these are hilarious and stories for around the fire on a Sunday evening, for example the one in which Thob chases an aeroplane shaped like his beloved ‘cheese dragon’ into the sunset, but occasionally there are those to be taken seriously. As mentioned before, there are plans for him being dumped on the moon, and there is speculation that he could be fed to beavers, but most people concede that Thob will not be going away any time soon, and have prepared themselves for the worst.
Here are some quotes from Thob's teachings.
'Cheese is like the sun. It will be glorious forever.'
The Prophet Thob, Book 23, Book of the Trecheary of Yoghurt
'I looked at the cheese, and realized that we had been tricked about the universe—that all the time we searched for power, it had been right on our plates.'
Thob, quoted from his fourth book-The Holey Deception.
'And upon that, the ultimate being will emerge from the bin—the legendary cheese dragon.'
Thob—Twelfth Book of the Apocalypse.
“The sun is like cheese; it holds power over all that exists”
Thob, quoted from his third book How Cheese Rules
“Life would be a lot easier if we were cheese, you know”
Thob, quoted from his third book How Cheese Rules
“Thob is a lunatic—no doubt about it. He is a danger to society and must be dealt with at all costs!”
An exasperated Barack Obama.
“Do not fear – I do not come in war or such — merely to explain all things cheesy.”
In his fifth book, Your Not Getting Rid of Me Yet.
May not be long enough. By the way, in no way whatsoever does breadbin relate to Bin Laden.
The Thob Religion
Thob is the leader of the great Thobreligon and is rather un-sentimental. He worships red dragons and cheese.
Thob teaches that daily prayers are vital if the breadbins are to make that crucial decision to retain or destroy the universe.
Following is one of Thob’s favourite – consequently everyone else’s least favourite- prayers.
‘Oh breadbin. How you fascinate me. Do reward my faith with the total power of the rightful destruction of the universe—summon the might of the cheese within you—summon the red dragon and let the fire burn as the universe goes moldy. Let the people know that they have been mistaken with their worship. Oh listen to me, great one! Harken and curdle the great revolution!
Thob has convinced himself that his hilarious teachings are the truth itself and therefore wants the apocalypse to get a move on. The details of the ultimate doom of the universe are somewhat unclear– but allegedly a great creature will rise from Thob’s bin, (where the popular child’s book called Everyone Let’s Make Fun of the Breadbin comes from).
No one actually takes this seriously-even Thob himself has to occasionally put himself through rigorous fasting, eating only cheese rind to renew his faith in the comical ‘end of the universe’.
Thob teaches us that cheese and red dragons are the most powerful things in existence but no one listens to Thob so it doesn’t really matter. Thob also thinks that paper is the most valuable substance in the universe so actually Thob is very, very, mad!
As Thob said, “You must love the one that dislikes cheese and feel sorry for him.” This is quoted from his third book, How Cheese Rules.
Thob has decided that the making of the universe was a very bad move and prays to his bread bin each morning to end the universe. As Thob says in his second book, “Bread bins hold the power to destroy the universe or to save it. Also they hold bread for us to eat so we don’t go hungry.” His second book is called Thob Explains the Wonder of the Galaxy and bread bins.
Thob was born in a caravan and has ever since traveled the world in it and has been telling everyone about his strange beliefs. He was born in 6982 BC and has decided to die in 9687 AD. That means we have 7677 years of listening to him before he dies! I don’t think I can last a minute, let alone 7677 years!
There is a common view that Thob is lunatic asylum escapee and that hopefully someone will one day come to take him back home-apologizing profusely. Many professionals have been baffled by Thob’s actions—as psychology expert Duke Skytalker said,” Thob is a lost cause. How creation came up with such a horror beats me.”
Thob has been tried time and time again, but there has never been enough evidence to get rid of him. There are plans to force him off to the moon, but they are early in development.
'Cheese is like the sun. It will be glorious forever.'
Everybody can hardly wait to get rid of Thob, but as he will not be dying any time shortly, there have been numerous plots and schemes to get rid of the man often known as ‘The Dullinator’. Generally these are hilarious and stories for around the fire on a Sunday evening, for example the one in which Thob chases an aeroplane shaped like his beloved ‘cheese dragon’ into the sunset, but occasionally there are those to be taken seriously. As mentioned before, there are plans for him being dumped on the moon, and there is speculation that he could be fed to beavers, but most people concede that Thob will not be going away any time soon, and have prepared themselves for the worst.
Here are some quotes from Thob's teachings.
'Cheese is like the sun. It will be glorious forever.'
The Prophet Thob, Book 23, Book of the Trecheary of Yoghurt
'I looked at the cheese, and realized that we had been tricked about the universe—that all the time we searched for power, it had been right on our plates.'
Thob, quoted from his fourth book-The Holey Deception.
'And upon that, the ultimate being will emerge from the bin—the legendary cheese dragon.'
Thob—Twelfth Book of the Apocalypse.
“The sun is like cheese; it holds power over all that exists”
Thob, quoted from his third book How Cheese Rules
“Life would be a lot easier if we were cheese, you know”
Thob, quoted from his third book How Cheese Rules
“Thob is a lunatic—no doubt about it. He is a danger to society and must be dealt with at all costs!”
An exasperated Barack Obama.
“Do not fear – I do not come in war or such — merely to explain all things cheesy.”
In his fifth book, Your Not Getting Rid of Me Yet.
May not be long enough. By the way, in no way whatsoever does breadbin relate to Bin Laden.