Writing T.H.E. F.O.G (Chapter 1)

Zorua

Zedd
Advanced Member
Member
All characters in this story are a work of fiction. This story will be updated weekly with new chapters. For now, I leave you with Chapter 1

Chapter 1​


Expect low visibility today on your morning commute. It seems to be a very foggy day with the extreme high-pressure system moving in and through the Tri-State area. We should be seeing better visibility as the week progresses. Back to you Janine.

Thank you Lee, this has been Fox 5 news with the Weather, Traffic and Rail report for Monday, April 2nd, 2014. Join Fox 5 news in another hour for the next Weather, Traffic and Rail report at 7 AM. I'm Janine with the Traffic and Rail report, and that was Lee with the Weather report. Enjoy your day.


"That's a wrap, thank you Lee and Janine. Be back in an hour for the next report." John the cameraman hollered as he shut off the camera and escorted Janine and Lee off of the set. Mondays were always busy at Fox 5 News Station, but today was different. Numerous cases of accidents were reported along various highways and tunnels throughout the Tri-State area due to the very low visibility.

“Jeez Janine, you had an insane Traffic report today. Feel a bit bad for you, the whole week’s gonna be like this. Maybe the city will issue an official fog warning and rope off places where the fog is really bad. Although it’ll be quite hard to do, since practically everywhere is a really bad place,” said Lee to Janine as they walked to the refreshment table to get a cup of coffee. Lee always drank it black, while Janine preferred sugar in hers. It surprised Lee how he’d noticed this, but it wasn’t too shocking since they had been working the same time block for the past year. Not much changes around the station anyway.

“Oh God, I know. I didn’t even feel safe driving here in the morning. I think I’m just gonna take the subway to and from work for the rest of the week till the fog clears up,” Janine responded, inbetween sips of her coffee. Janine envied Lee in a way. Lee had an apartment just across the street from the studio, while Janine had a 25 minute commute every morning.

“I’ve got to run Janine, my daughter’s got daycare in 20 minutes and the Headmaster will kill me if I bring her late again.” Lee shouted as he sprinted across the studio and to the stairs. Lee had taken these stairs every single day he’s been at the station. He often joked how if he hadn’t been taking the stairs all of his years here, he’d have to get a gym membership, which many of the broadcasters at Fox 5 despised. No one dared to ever say the words “gym membership” in a positive tone in the studio. Lee got to the bottom of the stairs, opened the door and headed across the street to his house.

Lee walked into his apartment building, greeted his doorman and headed up to the 9th floor, on which his apartment was located. Lee stood in the elevator, humming along to the soothing elevator music until the elevator stopped on his floor and he got out. He walked up to the door to his apartment, fumbling around in his pocket until he found his keys and then promptly inserted the appropriate key into the lock and opened the door. Lee woke up his daughter, Tiffany, and helped her get dressed. He made her a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, her favorite, and then proceeded to take her out of the building and to her daycare. As Lee exited the building and continued on the sidewalk, walking side by side with his daughter, Tiffany began to cough. Lee stopped and gave her some water from a spare water bottle he had in his bag from the studio. After a couple seconds of drinking the water, the color in Tiffany’s face drained and her eyes opened wide. Tiffany began coughing with an alarming intensity, to which Lee became alarmed. Lee patted her back, hoping she would stop coughing. That is not what happened. Tiffany fell to the ground and started to seize and almost immediately stopped breathing. As autopsies would later show, Tiffany’s throat closed unexpectedly, depriving her of oxygen and therefore killing her. Lee did his best to try and save her by performing CPR, but by the time emergency officials arrived on the scene, Tiffany had been dead for 10 minutes. Her cause of death was marked as asphyxia. Although that wasn’t how she died. Tiffany was the first to die from the illness caused by the fog. The fog was not really fog, it contained a dangerous antigen, one that causes immediate air deprivation in children and the elderly, while slowly causing the same symptom in adults, only over an extended period of time. Tiffany was the first to die from the fog, and she certainly wasn't the last. Tiffany was the beginning of it all. The beginning of The Fog.

T.​


Chapter 2​

Good morning, this is
 

Zyflair

Yes, sir. Of course, sir.
Advanced Member
Member
Hey, welcome to the Writing Corner, Zorua. =3

A couple of things I'd just like to be said in this post before I'm stuck having to go back to other matters. First off, thanks for making a fanfic; the activity is appreciated here (x3). Next, this is a pretty decent opening, starting with a seemingly-mundane day (or weather forecasting round), yet foreshadowing the disaster to befall everyone. I do have a few complaints, however. The most noticeable is the sheer size of that last paragraph, which could easily be cut in half at some points. Another thing I'm somewhat against is how you give it all away as to what this fog is. Nevertheless, a good start, which means I'll be around to read more!

Happy Writing,

~Zyflair
 

Zorua

Zedd
Advanced Member
Member
Zyflair said:
Hey, welcome to the Writing Corner, Zorua. =3

A couple of things I'd just like to be said in this post before I'm stuck having to go back to other matters. First off, thanks for making a fanfic; the activity is appreciated here (x3). Next, this is a pretty decent opening, starting with a seemingly-mundane day (or weather forecasting round), yet foreshadowing the disaster to befall everyone. I do have a few complaints, however. The most noticeable is the sheer size of that last paragraph, which could easily be cut in half at some points. Another thing I'm somewhat against is how you give it all away as to what this fog is. Nevertheless, a good start, which means I'll be around to read more!

Happy Writing,

~Zyflair

Welcome? I've been here for way too long to only be getting notice now :p

I was expecting hate for the lack of indent for each new speaker, but that's just how it came out from the transport from Microsoft Word. Thanks for the rest of the advice, I'll take it into account for the next chapter :)
 
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