Writing It's Too Cold

[Naked Snake]

This is somewhat based off of Easter egg: Snow on Mt Silver. It's something I had to write in English class, and is only loosely based off Pokemon. It's kinda creepy.

His words were silent; no attempt at sound was made. He stood quietly, almost proudly, at the peak, giving me a stare colder than the mountain's rugged atmosphere.

My ears want to die. It's too cold. I can't go back now; too far. My opponent didn't seem to mind. He greeted the snow as it covered his red hat.

...His eyes... His eyes were black. A grin slowly twisted into his face. Still no words attempt escape.
A tear wants to esacape from my face. It can't though, it'll freeze.

His face is a sick greyish-blue, the colour of frostbite. I assume the same fate for my face.

My eyes meet my hands. I-I think they're dying... I think I'm dying.

The boy in the red hat's smile ran away, as if it ran away from the harsh cold.

I want to die. The boy's heartless stare is making my heart race. My eyes won't leave his.

My vision fades, frozen tears clamp my eyelids.

I'm cold. I'm so cold.

I was cold.[/i]

 

[Incinermyn]

I don't know what to say... The shortness of it doesn't bother me as much as the lacking set-up of the mood. When it comes to terror, horror, or even depictions of death, I usually expect a lot more description of what's happening as well as the negative feelings the character(s) have towards it. To me, it just seems too simplistic to vividly depict any of that. It takes me aback to what I usually tell people about how attention to detail is everything in fiction writing.