Writing Done with you - First try at songwriting :S

[Juliacoolo]

First time attempting songwriting - Be nice


Done with you


One with, two without, instead of forever
Days passing by give me time to relieve her
You always had told me the bulwarks would crumble
You sit on top while I remain humble


Day by.
Night time.
4 AM Tuesday, eyes open in vein
Walking alone with a peg of a leg
For you and I are past our dancing days
Tripping up Six's and strolls in the rain

You
Could never again
Read the lips that I said
You
Could never again
Get so lost in my head

You're ahead like you wanted
Your secrets came true
Don't come back when you're fudged


Im so done with you


The top is abreeze, the air volumes thin
The blue blood in your veins is flushing with red
Down here "astray" the skies are just as blue
What a shame, such deprived, a life without you
Dont call me your guy when the title's unreal
I was your pleasure not your next meal


Im not the same blastard you slept with that night
He unlike me would put up a fight
Im happy down here, where im open and free
Dont play hard to get when you're begging for me
If your pride is so strong you refuse to contact
Dont shoot me your tears every time you look back

You
Could never again
Read the lips that I said
You
Could never again
Get so lost in my head

You're ahead like you wanted
Your secrets came true
Don't come back when you're fudged

Im so done with you

(Whisper)Goodnight(Whisper)

 

[Incinermyn]

You can censor-jump a little bit in the Writer's Corner if you need to, you know? So long as you at least rate the song "PG-13" (or whatever you feel's appropriate) and don't go overboard with swear words, that much is allowed here (I mean, "blastard" just sounds weird and "fudged" never works as a substitute either from my experience, if that's what you were doing). Otherwise, your song seems pretty good to me; you just need to fix the mispelled "I'm"-s throughout it.