Writing Justice - To become the greatest (13+)

Delta

Selling colourful Pokemon to Celadon Game Corner
Member
Prologue

"HHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYAAAAAAA!!!!!!", Shouted an old man who came charging towards Navon.
"NNNGGGHH", Snarled Navon running towards him
They both brung up there arms and punched each other fists, it shook the room and knocked various plates of the wall. The old man and Navon flew backwards.
"Well Navon" Grabbed the Attention of Navon in a crusty voice "I see you have been training."
"Well Old man, I have been in the woods for a week, I am bound TO OF GAINED SOME STRENGTH!", Navon shouted running forwards.
The Old man smiled, put his hands together and shouted.
"Techasenku!"
In an instant his hands glowed blue and he ran towards Navon.
Navon Grunted and shouted
"Clamedsandaio!"
His hands glowed red and he struck a fist towards the old man, it hit him in the stomach, but with his eyes closed the old man ignored the pain and bolted his hand into Navons back.
Navons eyes suddenly widened and his body dropped to the ground just liked a ragdoll.
The old man smiled and walked off, saying
"You still need more practice Navon, moooooore practice."
Navon suddenly screamed and coughed in agony.

Outside a crowd had gathered due to the noise, a man from the crowd asked.
"W - wh - who won?"
The old man walked off and the crowd looked disspointed.


I kinda based it on anime...
Waddya think?
 
RE: Justice - To become the greatest densendoka (13+)

basic critisism :p

- seperate the paragraphs when someone talks
- mind the spelling errors (it's Prologue, not Prolouge)
 
Ah thanks I always spelt prologue like prolouge

But thanks I will edit.
 
Delta said:
"Well Old man, I have been in the woods for a week, I am bound TO OF GAINED SOME STRENGTH!", Navon shouted running forwards.

You need major proofreading. ;)

Delta said:
"Well, old man, I have been in the woods for a week, I was bound TO HAVE GAINED SOME STRENGTH!" Navon shouted while running forward.

Here's a better version of this part, for example.
 
Part 1 - - Discovery

The night has come and Navon sits on a rock on the waving seas that come up softy on the golden sand, Navon sighs and lets his head falls on his hands. His freind, Irene came walking up to him, as strong winds attack, her skirt and blue shirt blow in the breeze. Irene sat next to him and spoke in a clear, soft, calming voice
"What's up"
Irenes voice always calmed Navon down, in times when he was stressed or upset
"I can never beat that Old man", Navon replied
"Oh c'mon, not with that attitude"
"Well I ... I... Yeah I guess your right"
Another harsh gale blew this time knocking Irene of the rock Navon was sitting on.
Navon smiled and it grew into a big laugh. He spun around on the rock and cheerfully said
"Thanks Ire*, you always now what to say to cheer me up"
Irene smiled while lying on the floor.
The next day it was raining and Navon got up surprisingly early, at 7:00 collage didn't start until 9:00 and he couldn't get back to sleep so he got up. He walked to his bathroom and took his metal grey coloured shirt and turned the tap on. He turned the tap off when it was hot and he washed his face and dark blue hair. As Navon got out while getting a green shirt on and blazer someone knocked at the door. Still in his underpants he waltz to the door calmly and cool. As he opened the creaking door it was Irene, putting her ubrella down and a bag on her back (As usual) and asked,
"Can I come in?", she smiled.
Navon blushed and said,
"Eeer..er sure, wait a sec'...", Navon closed the door and came out 10 seconds later with a pair of black trousers on.
He invited Irene in and closed the door behind her.
"So your up surprisingly early", Irene laughed.
"Ye-", Navon said as he was interrupted by his alarm going off.
Navon nervously smiled and walked very fast to his room, suddenly the loud beeping stopped and he came back into the room.

Later Navon and Irene walked to school together, they didn't usually do this but lately they have been doing this a lot.
"Oh Crud!", Navon shouted in complaint
Irene looked at him in confusion and Navon replied with
"I forgot, I have combat today!"
"Hey calm down, I have spellbinding lesson, it's worse belive me.", Irene complained
"No I forgot to do the coursework that I was going to do this morning!"
Navon sighed and made it clear that he was going to be upset for a while, just after Irene cheered him up the day before.
Navon and Irene walked to school and found a surprising discovery.
The school was closed and boarded up.
"W- w - what!?", Navon questioned
"Huh", Irene said shocked
Nothing was left in the entrance, just a sign that said in crude text
" Closed for good "
Navon stuck his hand on the gate and said
"This was the only collage on juanne Island, this has been here for years, are they just going to knock it down?, Knock down Joanna school high?...school of weaponry?"
Irene looked at Navon who was hypnotized by the sight of it.
"C'mon, I have the headteachers number, we can call him and see whats wrong", Irene mentioned
Navon nodded and followed Irene as she walked off.
The headmaster wasn't that much older than Navon or Irene infact, he was just 2 years older than Navon at 19 years. The day was still early so Navon went to Irene's, she lived with her two sisters, Meg and Mig. They are twins and Irene usually finds it hard to keep them out of trouble since Irene's parents died when she was just 14.
"Wait out here, I will be back in a minuite.",Irene whispered, as the two sisters were still in bed.
Irene silently closed the door, she lived in the flat just in the alleyway. Navon waited and he heard a weird scravaging noise, he ignored it at first but half a minute later curiosity overcame him and he began to walk slowly towards the wall, slowly walking closer and closer the noise became louder until he finally turned the corner and saw a demon eating meat, it's mouth covered in blood and body black as the night. claws as big as elephant tusks and mouth twice as big as a humans.

It looked up at Navon and laughed insanely, suddenly it rose to it's feet, standing 6ft tall it ran towards Navon.
"Nnngh!", Navon grunted
He pulled his fust back and thrusted it into the demons stomach, the demon froze and it blasted to the end of the alley into a wall, falling to the ground. Irene came running out with a mobile phone in her hand. She ran next to Navon just as the demon lifted itself from the ground.The demon ith it's last breath screamed and two new demons came next tp it. The two new demons started to run towards them, Irene dropped her phone and lifted her arm outwards, a light glow started to appear and a few seconds later a wand appeared out of nowhere. Irene pointed the staff and shouted
"Tech shot UN!",
Suddenly a shot came from the wand and hit one of the demons straight through the heart killing it instantly.
"Jen Jen TANK!", shouted Navon
Navon ran to the demon and his fist glowed yellow and it exploded infront of the demons face, sending it back on top of the other demonat the back of the alley.
Navon cricked his neck and said to Irene
"I never saw those kinda demons before"
"Yeah well, they have been showing up a lot in this area", Irene told
Irene sent the staff back in the same way she got it and picked her phone up.
"Let's call that moron", Irene frowned.
Navon and Irene if they found a dangerous or new demon they had to report it the headmaster, this is why Irene has the headmasters phone number.

Thanks for reading!
This is prove read and I will be updating weekly (Hopefully)
 
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