Writing Echo's tale of Mikomi The Wolf

Echosong

Crimson Sky Dominator
Member
Well after finally listening to the urge inside me to write something, I've started writing a story of a wolf named Mikomi and her life as a cursed one. This is my first ever attempt at writing a story. Any comments or suggestions would be very helpful.:)

This is all I've written so far since last night.

Chapter 1

Her coat was as shiny as a moon lit night. Her eyes were the color of lilac. She lived in an old forest. Untouched by man. The other animals never paid any attention to her for she was an outcast of her kind. She bore the Crescent Moon shape on her forehead. The animals saw that as a curse. Anyone who bore it was considered an outcast forever. She didn’t mind though. She preferred to be alone. Before she was born, her father had a fatal encounter with a bear that cost him his life. Her mother, with only her sister and brother left, was saddened by his death.

One snowy evening, her mother went in labor. She had given life to 3 pups that night. They were all very weak. Most likely because of the shortage of food in the forest this year. By morning, only two were still alive. Her mother had seen that the female pup of her small liter bore the Crescent Moon on her forehead. Great shock and sadness came over her mother. For she knew the pup would be alone for her whole life and be considered an outcast. So to hide it from the others, she smeared mud on the pup’s forehead to hide the mark.

Hunting was very bad this year. The snow was not very deep so no deer got stuck in it and on top of that the deer were very scarce for some unknown reason. All the wolves managed to bring back was 2 hares. However, this was not enough to sustain the mother wolf and her two pups. The mother wolf needed lots of meat in order to feed her pups. By the next morning one more pup had died. Now the only pup left was the pup that bore the Crescent Moon mark.

Over the next weeks that went by, the wolves managed to find and bring down an adult female moose. They feasted and the mother wolf was able to provide enough milk for her pup for a while more. As the days went by the little wolf grew and grew. Spring was almost over and the summer heat would soon be upon the forest. Then everything would grow and hunting would hopefully be easier once more.

Since the little wolf pup had survived the first few months of her life, her mother gave her a name. It was Mikomi, meaning hope. Hope for that she would have a better life then her mark had destined her for.

Late one summer night, Mikomi was out playing, as wolf pups do. But she had sneaked off away from her sleeping mother. Little did she know this night would be the last night she was ever loved. She had wondered off to the river, which her mother had warned her to stay well away from always in case the mud covering her cursed mark washed off. She was having a good time chasing a cricket on the bank of the river when she seen something swimming underwater in the river. It was a fish. She had never seen fish before as her mother had never took her near the river. Out of curiosity she started to wade into the water towards the moving object. Startled, it swam away from her and disappeared up stream. Disappointed Mikomi started coming back to shore. It was very hard to walk without falling as the stones were slippery with moss and other things. But she had managed to make it half across without falling.
She had been lucky. But getting back was another story. Carefully she went back across, stone after stone until she was almost back to the shore. But her luck had run out. She slipped and fell into the river. The mud covering her mark had been rubbed off by the water. She never noticed the mud coming off or ever known why her mother had always covered her forehead with mud but she let her because she sensed that it was somehow important to her mother.

On her way back to the den site, the sun was rising and the robins had come out for there daily breakfast of worms. At once when one of the other wolves had seen the mark on she possessed the other wolf let out a piercing howl. “You are the cursed one!” The other wolf had said. “That is why we went hungry!” The other wolf was clearly afraid and angry at Mikomi. Poor Mikomi didn’t know what the other wolf was talking about at all. All the noise the other wolf had been making had awoken everyone else from their slumber. “Who is this pup’s mother?!” The other wolf had screamed into the light morning air.” I am”, Mikomi’s mother stepped forward. The other wolf was shaking with rage directed towards Mikomi’s mother. “How dare you keep this cursed thing here in the pack! What were you thinking?” Mikomi’s mother was heart broken. She knew her pup would have to leaver her and the pack forever now that the others knew she possessed the cursed Crescent Moon mark on her forehead. “She must leave the pack immediately! And you her mother must be put down for committing this crime!”

So that was how Mikomi became an outcast, loved by none and all alone in the world.

As the day went on, poor little Mikomi walked on down the long dusty road of sorrow hoping to find some place where she could live in peace. But wherever she went she was always rejected because of her mark. No animal in the forest wanted to speak to an outcast. Let alone share a home with one. Such things meant death to whoever dared help an outcast.

As the day came to an end, little Mikomi had still found no one that would take her in.

She curled up beside a tree, it was not much but at least it sheltered her from the wind.
 
First attempt you say? Very well done! :D

You should add the quotation marks whenever someone is talking though. (the " thingies)




It's not really my kind of story, but i'll definetly encourage you to continue :)
 
SixaxiS said:
First attempt you say? Very well done! :D

You should add the quotation marks whenever someone is talking though. (the " thingies)

It's not really my kind of story, but I'll definetly encourage you to continue :)
Thanks. :) Oh man I forgot all about adding the " things. I'll have to go and fit them in where they belong. Thanks for pointing that out to me. :)
 
Very good for your first try.
It was pretty interesting to see a story about a wolf. It makes for a nice change. ;3

Keep it up. As Sixaxis pointed out, there was a lack of quotation marks, but other than that, you're doing great. =]
 
Very good story, for improvement talk about other wolves and compare (contrasy) them from this wolf also talk more about the ending as this would give it more of a building ground but overall for a nights work A :)
 
Very talented. I can see you being a writer or publishing your own book.:)
 
Staraptor said:
Very good for your first try.
It was pretty interesting to see a story about a wolf. It makes for a nice change. ;3

Keep it up. As Sixaxis pointed out, there was a lack of quotation marks, but other than that, you're doing great. =]
Thanks. I can't belive I forgot all about putting them in. X_x

kashmaster said:
Very good story, for improvement talk about other wolves and compare (contrasy) them from this wolf also talk more about the ending as this would give it more of a building ground but overall for a nights work A :)
Well its supposted to be like someone telling her story instead of it all from her prespective. But I'll keep your idea in mind.

Edit: Thanks Ash. :p That is my goal if this turns out well.
 
That was a good story, not something I'd prefer but, y'know. I'm currently working on a story myself but not coming along so well. Anyways, it was good.
 
Full Moon said:
Awesome! Great story! I cant believe this is your first story! :D
Thanks. :)

TalaIvanov said:
That was a good story, not something I'd prefer but, y'know. I'm currently working on a story myself but not coming along so well. Anyways, it was good.
Wow thanks Anny. I can't belive you actually logged in to post here. :p

Anyway I've edited it to have quotation marks so hopefully its better now. :)
 
{Name} this was amazing. I have always had a love for little pups, dogs, wolves, coyotes, and anything else with the reference as a pup. :) This story was a great read. I definatly will stay around to read more and see more as this story progresses.

Keep it up!
 
Elite Stride said:
Can anyone say... plagerism??

J/k Echo, great story haha! :D:p:);){L}{L}
How is this plagerism? I just randomly made it up one night LOL!:p Also I will be updating soon with the rest of chapter 1... my friend wanted it longer...
 
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