Writing B-Rays First Epic Pokemon Novel/Fanfic : The Legendary Quest PLZ RATE!

Do you think I should continue to write The Legendary Quest?

  • Yes! Its Great

    Votes: 14 87.5%
  • No, writings not your thing....

    Votes: 2 12.5%

  • Total voters
    16

B-Ray

The Stuff of Legends
Member
Well I entered this in Shard's contest, but havent got much feedback. So im gonna post it here and enjoy :D


The Legendary Quest
Chapter 1- The Letter

As the sun gently rises, Andrew wakes up once again in his same old bed, same old room, same old house, same old city. Andrew is 14 at the moment, and still likes Pokemon. Everybody who knows is like "Wow, what a geek!" and "Oh he still likes Pokemon! lol." But to Andrew, this is his favorite way to spend his time besides his Ipod. [which is also very cool]
It is Sunday mourning, and the light glaze of snow on the ground from the small snowstorm that proceeded the night before. After his morning shower, he gets dressed and takes a look outside. What he sees changes his life......forever. The Sapphire Blue cloud just stared down at him, put it looked as it it were pointing at the mailbox across the street with his address on it. He puts his Red addias sneakers on and runs outside to the mailbox, with the Sapphire Cloud still there. He opens the mailbox, which is very odd seeing that mail dosent come on Sunday and he got Saturdays mail yesterday. He opens the box, which is frozen shut by the cold weather. He pulls at it for a bit, then jerks it open. Inside he finds a blue letter, the same color as the cloud above. He pulls the letter out of the box and walks inside back into the house. He looks at the front of the letter.....it is adressed to him!

"I never get mail!" Andrew says in delight. Then,he looks at the place where the letter was closed and notices a gold stamp with the letters PMC on it. He opens the letter, and it reads:

Dear Andrew,
Hello, my name is Max. I am from PMC inc. We have been watching you and want to honor you as The Most deticated Pokemon Master in the world. Inclosed is a plane ticket for New York City, and it leaves tommorrow. Please pack your things and dont forget all your pokemon equipment including your Phili Eagles DS Lite. If you fail to make the flight, we will have to come and get you but let me assure you that will be better off if you take the flight. Your trip will last anywhere from a month to a year. So pack wisely please.

Thank you,
Max, CEO of PMC inc

As Andrew is excited, he is also scared about many things. What is this all about? What about school? How will his family feel? Will they believe him? As all these questions are racing through his, head he looks out the window once more. The Sapphire Cloud is gone.

*End of Chapter 1*

LMK How everyone likes it!
-Black Rayquaza

*Chapter 2* The Dream

As Andrew starts to pack, he notices a small blue crest on his DS Lite right next to the control pad to the left. He tries to scratch it off, but no luck. Then, he starts to play Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, his latest pokemon obsession. He went pretty far, getting to where hes trying to get Suicune and Mew as friends. Hes cleared Northwind Field 7 times, and even with his 15% increase beacuse his Charzard is lv 73, plus the 10% bonus from his friend bow, he cant seem to get it. He plays for a bit, then gets frustrated and turns it off. His Mother, comes into his room and sees the letter. She picks it up and read it.
Then, she says "Did you make this yourself? Are you trying to leave me?
"No Mom, I just have to go.....I'll be back soon, okay?
"I dont want you leaving Andrew," She says in a stern tone.
"I have to," is all he replys and finishes his packing.
His mother leaves the room, and Andrew can hear her sobs feeling very sad and alone now that hes leaving for a month, maybe a year. As he gathers up his things, he decides to bring his two Pokemon TCG Decks, a Water/Fighting Deck and a Fire deck deticated to Blaziken. Its getting dark by now, and he decides to get some sleep seeing that his flight to New York dosent leave until 7 AM.
His dream that night, was different than any other.... usually he dosent remember his dreams and just remembers sleeping not dreams. But this one was different. It was like an old dream he had remembered from when he was little, and his imagination was still runnning wild about Pokemon and him in a Pokemon World. He can rememebr him underwater, with his vaporeon [his favorite pokemon at the time] and battling a girl [exactly like the scene in the Entei Movie where the girl made the pokeballs appear.] But this time it was slightly different. The girl, was not little and neither was Andrew. They were both around 14, and had bigger pokemon. It was a double battle with Andrew using Starmie and Vaporeon, and the girl using Kingdra and Swampert. He can remember him commanding Starmie to use Water Pulse and for Vaporeon to use an Ice Beam. Swampert was hit by the Ice Beam, but Kingdra avoided the Water Pulse. Then, a wierd light appeared, just like the cloud he had seen yesterday when he got the letter.
Then, he instantly wakes up in fright of the sound that just shook his ears inside his room. It was the alarm of his Alarm Clock reading 5:30. He gets up, shuts the alarm off and jumps in the shower. He wakes his Mom up to tell her hes leaving, and gives her a kiss to remember him by for the next month. Then, he calls the number which was on a scrap of paper enclosed in the envelope for a ride to the Airport.
The Excersion Stretch Limo pulled up to Detroit Metro Airport 30 Minutes Later.As he pulls up to the Terminal which Southwest Airlines was represented, he gets out of the limo and a tall, stocky guy with a mustache and beard comes up to greet him and carry his bags. He finds the place to wait for his flight, and grabs a Sausage McGriddle from the McDonalds inside the airport, to eat while hes waiting.
While waiting around 20 minutes, he notices something he didnt catch until now. He was the only one waiting for this flight.
"Maybe theyre just all late," He suggested. then the PA Loudspeaker comes on in a loud, raspy tone:
"Boarding flight 2987 for New York City" That was his flight, so he grabbed his bags and took off into the plane. Shortly after he boarded the plane, he found out why he was the only one waiting. This jet was Poke-Mised with all the pokemon games ever made, including games Diamond/Pearl which he was going crazy waiting for. The chairs were made of Red velvet with a black pokeball border. He could see the Nintendo Wii across from where he sat down and he played Pokemon XD on it! He looked in the little pouch across from where he was sitting and found the latest issue of Nintendo Power as well as the guide books for every pokemon game ever released. He put his iPod on his favorite classical CD, Mosart Meets Cuba, and starts to play the games. He managed to beat Emerald, FR/LG, R/S and Mystery Dungeon's main storyline before the plane landed. He wanted to save D/P for when he was free, to build up the suprise. He slipped the games into his carry-on bag and gets off the plane. He looks out the window and looks at the Jet at which he just go off of. It was a plane that looked like the Legendary Pokemon Rayquaza! There was only one difference. It was Black, as the shiny version! On the fin towards the back it read.

Black Rayquaza
MPM inc

He looked in suprise as if hes heard that name Black Rayquaza before. He turns and starts down the terminal towards the exit.

*End of Chapter 2*
 
Wow! that was great. You are really good at this. Please continue, and quickly!

Only one thing- Mabey you should take the part about beating all those games in only 8-9 hours, unless he lived very far away.

Please continue!
 
Heres Chapter 3.....had this done awhile ago but havent posted it so here it is.


*Chapter 3* The Ride to HQ

As Andrew makes his way to the end of the terminal he notices a guy holding a sign that reads : Black Rayquaza from MI.
"Well that was the plane I went from, so I guess that guys lookin for me!" Andrew walks up to the man and says
" I think the person youre looking for is me," He said to the man, who was dressed in dark clothing but has a lighter side to him. He didnt speak, but motioned for Andrew to follow him. He follows the man, into a Limo that was Black this time, which was a stretched out Hummer. Andrew gets in the car as the man puts the bags in the trunk and gets in the drivers seat. Inside the Limo, was a 20 oz Bottle of Coke with a glass filled with ice sitting next to it. In the seat next to him, was a Motorola RAZR phone just like the silver one Andrew owned, but it was red with the letters PMC engraved just below the time screen on the front. He opened the phone to find a "New text message from Max"
It read: Andrew, welcome to New York City. The drivers name is Eddie. He is driving you to Burger King to grab some lunch, order whatever you want Eddie will take care of it. God knows, you must be starving after the flight. Hope you enjoyed the trip so far. As for the Diamond and Pearl games that you slipped into your bag, you can keep those. That is just a sign of good things to come. As far as where you are staying, we have taken care of all that. See ya when ya get here!
-Max
As he finished reading the text message, the Limo stopped and Eddie opened the door. Andrew got out, and saw the grimy streets of NYC and the Burger King which was in front of him. Andrew walks inside and and orders his usual. 2 Whopper Jrs with No Onion and a large Fry. Theres not need for a drink, Andrew thought seeing he had a nice, cool bottle of Coke waiting in the limo. He decides to get some cookies for Max, seeing that he was already this generous to Andrew. Eddie payed the cashier and Andrew pigged out!
After he was done, Andrew and Eddie went back to the limo.
"Where are we going now,"Andrew asked Eddie.
"We are going to the PMC Headquarters," Eddie said in a somewhat Irish accent.
The limo took off onto the New York streets, where it was always busy. Andrew saw sights that amazed him; Times Square, Madison Square Garden, and the ESPN Zone in NY. Shortly after, he noticed they left the big city and started going off on a highway leading out to the rural part of NY. Then, he saw a building off the the Distance that looked higher than the Sears Tower. The building came closer and closer, and Andrew saw a man waiting outside the buiding, waiting.

*End of Chapter 3*
Well Chapter 4 is done here it is....

*Chapter 4- The Truth*

As Andrew walks out of the car and into the PMC building he is greeted by a man, who was standing out the door. The man was tall, yet slim and it was very hard to figure out what he was thinking. He just stood there, waiting, for Andrew to come and meet him. As Andrew walked up to the man, who was much taller than he was, he shook the mans hand and said:
"Hi, Im Andrew."
"Hello, and Welcome to the PMC tower," the man said. "My name is Max, as you might have already guessed, and I am the president of this company."
"So youre the one who sent me here!," Andrew said in happiness. "I saved you a cookie from Berger King, but it kind of.....melted."
"Oh thats alright!,"Max said in a herdy tone. "Its not everyday, we have the most deticated Pokemon trainer in the world." "Please, let me show you where youll be staying!"
"Great!" Andrew said.
They both enter the automatic dorrs into the tower. It is very pokemon decorated, like the plane was but 3x bigger. There was pictures of different pokemon on the wall, and the covers of all the pokemon games ever made. There was an elevator on the far right in another room, and thats the way they were headed. It was a gold elevator with a Red pokeball in the middle, with pokeball buttons each number representing a different pokeball. the lobby, was represented by a Pikachu. After they were in the elevator, Max, Andrew, and Eddie that is, Max pressed the Master Ball and it lit up very quickly and the elevator quickly rose like the elevator in Chigago's Sears Tower where Andrew went in 7th Grade for a school trip. Soon after, It stopped and the door opened.
What Andrew saw was amazing! It was like a loft, but decorate with everything he could have ever imagined. A 55' Plasma TV, with a Wii below it, right across from the huge bed that was lined with a red, down conferter with a poke ball in the middle of coarse. There were pokemon pictures and paintings on the wall, with a bathroom fit for a king! The best part of all, was the jicussi right in the middle of the room in the style of a Pokeball!
"I have something to share with you," Max said to Andrew, who was still in shock of the fabulous room. "Please come with me to my office and i'll tell you something very important."
As they stepped into the golden elevator once more, Max pressed the golden pokeball and the elevator shot off with Andrew thinking of what other suprises were in store for him.

*End Of Chapter 4*
 
Oh, this is a very amazing FanFic I have to admit.
Thier is a couple Grammar errors and miss using of words
My favorite is "Berger King"

Anyways the way you keep your reads to keep reading is surpassed any FanFic I have ever read. Also the end of Chapter four makes us wanna give you $100 dollars to continue. It's has so many differnet thing that could happen like:

They show him a real Pokemon.
and so on.

What I really love in this fic is the usage on Pokemon. Good job:

Chapter 1: 9/10 [9.5]
Chapter 2: 8/10
Chapter 3: 8/10
Chapter 4: 10/10
 
Please do continue. I second all of the stuff andyman said.

You are doing a very good job. Maby you'll make some illistrations?

Also, may I ask, are you adding in parts from your own life? Such as the part in Mystery Dungeon with a level 76 charizard and a freind bow and trying to recruit scuicune, is that what you are trying to do with your MD?
 
Well, most of it is based on me.....all the Mystery Dungeon stuff was real stuff My Charizard is now lv 91 though and I got Suicune last night. I like fantisizing about it, so I make it story. Lets just say its my writing style. I will start Chapter 5 now [have an idea whats gonna happen] and post it in a hour-to a couple hours.

-Black Rayquaza
 
Heres Chapter Five, hope everyone likes it! Please reply on this thread with comments!

*Chapter 5- The Quest*

Max motions to Andrew to come into the office. It was a white office, with gold detail. Filled with pokemon things, like posters of Dragonite and Gyarados, lined the walls. The desk was Black, with a red pokeball in the middle. The chair was very tall, and looked to be made of black velvet.
"Heres what I sent you here for," said Max. "I need to show you something." Max walks to the wall to the right of the deck, and pulls up the Gyarados poster to reveal a case.
"This is something that I am giving to you. Think of it as a present. This is something that will change your life forever.But with it, comes two things. 1. Great responsibilty. and 2. A job for you, Andrew." Max said calmly. "Are you ready to open it?"
"Yes, I think im ready," Andrew replied. Andrew slowly opened the box. Inside, was five things.
Andrew stood speechless..... He was feeling too much emotion to even explain it with words. Inside the box, was five Golden Pokeballs very little in size, with a belt for holding them.
"What are these?," Andrew asked. "I mean, I know what they are, but are they?"
"Well, would you like to see for yourself?" Max asked. "Pick the one on the far right. Be careful, theyre fragile.
Andrew picked up the far right pokeball, and as soon as his hand touched the dot in the middle of the pokeball it enlarged to the size of a baseball.
"Oh my god! It is real, isnt it! " Andrew said.
" Well, try it!," Max said. "You wont know until you try, will you?"
Andrew threw the pokeball to reveal a Scizor, a little taller than he was, but real as ever. It was a gleaming red color, with grey eyes.
"Inside the pokeballs is your five favorite pokemon. Dragonite, Gyarados, Scizor, Starmie, and Vaporeon. The sixth spot is for a legendary of your choice. All five of these pokemon are yours to keep, now and forever. They will never die, and will only faint if defeated in battle. They will be revived using this." Max pulls out a square case with six little holes in the inside. "Put your pokeballs in this and close the case. Five minutes later,they will be in full health and ready to use." Max said.
"Scizor, Return!" Andrew said. The glowing red beam of light hit the pokemon, and it went into the pokeball. "So, what is the thing I need to do, and how can I get my legendary?" Andrew asked.
"Well, let me explain why you're here, and then ill tell you what you need to do. 13 Years Ago, we created pokemon. The real pokemon. Every single pokemon was created in real form. Well, It didnt all go so well. Some of the pokemon couldnt be trained like the other ones, and didnt obey. Then, it was chaos. We couldnt get the pokemon to obey, and we needed someone to travel far into the pokemon world we made. It is an island a little south of Australia. It is very long and big, but not on any map. It is your job to travel with your pokemon and to defeat all the dis-obeying pokemon and teach them a lesson. I assure you it wont be easy, but you will be rewarded like a king if you complete it. We needed someone who can think outside the box and like pokemon in general. So we released the pokemon games to find that someone. To boost the hype, we released pokemon cards and every thing else pokemon. You are the chosen one to help us with our project. If you accept, we will tarin you for a month then fly you out to Catarea, the pokemon country where we make and keep the wild pokemon. We will also give you 50 master balls to catch 50 pokemon of your choice on Catarea. If you decline, we will take the 5 pokemon back and we will send you on the next flight to Detroit. Wahttasay?" Max said.
"I accept, Max" Andrew said in triumph. Please train me, and see if im worthy.
"You have the potential to be the Pokemon Master," Max said. Your training will start tommorrow. Now go to bed, its late. We will wake you when your training is to begin," Max said.
"Goodnight," Andrew said.
As Andrew walked out of the office and into the elevator, he couldnt help wondering the challenges ahead of him and what fun this would be....

*End of Chapter 5*
 
Black Rayquaza, your story is awsome! I never thought i'd see a story as good as that!

Keep writing!

Definately 8,000,000/10:)
 
Chapter 6 is here!!!

*Chapter 6- The Training Begins.....and Ends*

          Very, Very Early in the morning Andrew heard a very quiet sound. He woke very bluntly, pretty much half asleep, and saw Max staring right over him.
        "God, whats wrong with you, Max!,"Andrew said in a sleepy tone.
       "Its time to wake up, Andrew, your training begins now," Max said.
        He wasnt in his room now though, he had been moved when he was sleeping! He stood up and realized that he was in a battle arena, like the gyms in Pokemon Advanced Battle but with many people on the opposing side. At least 10 people, all dressed in the same blue suits threw out 4 pokemon each. There was at least 50 pokemon on the battlefield right now, and Andrew hasnt even thrown out a single pokemon yet! He noticed that he was wearing a gold suit one that looked identical to the blue but just different colors.
       Andrew threw out his favorite pokemon at the same time....
    "Gyarados, Starmie Use Surf Together to form the new move, Titalwave!!!! Scizor use Signal Beam on those pokemon over there!"  
       "Been dreaming too long for all this, I gotta try my new battle style out!" Andrew said as he jumped on Dragonites back. Dragonite flew up into the air and Starmie and Gyarados used Titalwave to knock out 1/3 of the defenders. Scizors Signal Beam was very effective and killed about 5 pokemon.
       "Dragonite use Flamethrower please!," Andrew commanded his huge orange friend. The Flamethrower attack soared through the sky and took out at least 15 pokemon. After all, Dragonite was the strongest of the bunch. Now, Use Outrage to clear the rest!! The Dragonite with Andrew on his back, swooped down and knocked every one of them out. The trainers returned their pokemon and left the arena. Then 25 people came in wearing Yellow suits. They sent out 3 pokemon each!
    "Ready for Round 2, Guys?" Andrew asked.
    Gyarados used Ice Beam and Dragonite followed with the same attack making the new attack Ice Blast which took away a good 35 right there. Andrew jumped off Dragonite and Dragonite dodged the hyper beams coming at him and Andrew commanded Scizor to use Slash and for Starmie, Gyarados, and Dragonite to use Surf to make the best Water Move created, Hurricane!!!! The rest of the pokemon were fainted, and the people in the yellow suits left the arena just as the Blue suited trainers.
        This was it. The last round for today was near. Now, 2 groups of trainers came into the room. There were men in Green and men in Orange. They sent out tons of pokemon!
        "Theyre must be at least 150 pokemon over there!," Andrew said.
       "Dragonite Gyarados,Starmie and Vaporeon" [who is seeing his first action in battle, because Andrew didnt think he was ready yet] "combine your Surfs to form the MegaCane!!! Szizor jump on Dragonites back and use Signal Beam like a turret!"  There was a big explosion, and in ruins lay many different kinds of pokemon, from Mightena, to Blastoise to Medacham.
            Then Andrew heard the loudspeaker in the room go on and say "Andrew, that was amazing!" he heard Max tell him from above, in a skybox in the arena that Andrew failed to notice until now. "No more training needed, Andrew, You will leave for your misson in a week. BTW- I have one more suprise for you, Andrew be sure to pop in my office when ya get a chance!"
      As Andrew leaves the battle room and makes his way back to that golden elevator to go up to his room, he thinks of the adventure awaiting him in Catarea.....

*End Of Chapter 6*
 
Please continue, it is getting very good.

BTW- are your favorite pokemon scizor, gyaridoes, starmie, vaporeon, and dragonite? (sorry for spelling/gramma errors). I'm willing to bet anything that the "legendary" pokemon he will get is a rayquaza, seeing that you like rayquaza.

Can you tell us how old these charectores are please?
 
How come everyone replies to this story? I got like, one reply on my anfic! Its just amazing! How do u do it, br?
OMG!!!!!!! i just noticed/read chap 6. IT makes me wanna give u 1000 bucks to continue!
 
well I cant give any info away at the moment, seeing that im still thinking of it! Although I think i mentioned Andrew was 14, donno if i said that or not, and Max is around 21. The driver, Eddie is around 35-40. I will be writing and posting Chapter 7 tonight so please look forward to that.

Thanks,
-Black Rayquaza
 
Also, do I have your promission to write a story like yours, where its in the real world, travels to secret HQ and meets Max, gets REAL pokemon, etc. etc.

If you dont want me to, thats ok.  Your storys just so cool it makes me wanna write my own version!:) And when that happens, its either the oppacolipse(Highly unlikely), or your an awsome writer!
 
Ok, heres Chapter 7.....hope you guys like it!


*Chapter 7-An Unexpected Turn of Events*

"Max, Im all ready to go!" Andrew pretty much yelled into the speaker box which Max had the same installed in his office.
"Okay, lets go!"

As Max and Andrew exited the golden elevator of the PMC buiding, Andrew knew this was it......the time has arisen.
      "Well take my care this time, Andrew," Max said. As they exited the building parked outside was a red Chrysler Imperial a concept car that was featured in the International Auto Show in Detroit last year.
       "I've seen that car!!" Andrew said. "I saw it last year when I went to the auto show. I got a picture of me and that car at the Auto Show last year!"
      "Yes, the Imperial was featured in the auto show.....however, THIS perticular one was made custom for me.... im pretty well known in New York." Max said. "Catarea [pronounced Ka-Tear-Ea-UH] is made up of zones. There are about 10 zones..... Ill call you on the PMC phone when you get to a new zone.....i'll also give you some info about that zone when you are there. Understood?"
        "Sounds good, Max," Andrew said.
       Andrew and Max made their way through JFK airport to the terminal where the Black Rayquaza plane was.
      "Call me if you need anything or have any questions, okay?" Max said.
        "Will Do!
   As Andrew boarded the plane he knew he was ready for this......

To be continued.......soon

*End of Chapter 7-Part 1!*
 
*Chapter 7-An Unexpected Turn of Events* Part 2

"Ummmmm Andrew? This is Tom, the pilot of this plane. Well, we have encountered a problem. We have flown into Iran and well this is a US plane and they are about to shoot it down.The missile will hit the plane in about 5 minutes. What should we do? Call Max!"

This was a major problem. Andrew called Max on his PMC phone.

"Max, there is a missile headed for our plane, got any ideas on how to save my life?"

"Wow, this is unexpected..... well I got an idea. But your gonna have to trust me. Understood?"

"Yes. What is it I need to do?"

"First, bring Dragonite out. After that,tell Tom to get on Dragonite with you. Fly on Dragonite to Malaysia, the country somewhat west of Austrailia. We have some members of the PMC there. Find a building that looks just like the PMC building in New York, but green. Go there and look for a man named James..... I'll call him and tell him your coming. Call me when you get there.... Bye"

Andrew was now in a tight spot.....with less than two minutes left he has to escape and find the way to Malaysia.

"Go Dragonite!," Andrew yelled as he threw the pokeball in the air. "Dragonite, I need your help..... let do this! Tom, come here! We need to go!"

            Andrew and Tom got on Dragonite and Dragonite flew out the emergency part of the plane, which he barely fit passed. Just after that, the plane was hit by the missile and everything was gone except for Andrew, his bag and pokemon, and Tom. Good thing he still had his DS Lite and iPod!

        Night has fallen, and Andrew and Tom are getting tired..... they land in a cave in the middle of the Indian Ocean and take a rest, hoping they can get there by tommorrow.....

*End Of Chapter 7* Part 2
 
Wow, pretty unexpected. I PM'd you an Idea, so that if you do choose to use my Idea, it will not spoil it for everyone else.
 
I do realize that James lives in the Netherlands.... but im choosing Maylasia for a reason.... just wait it out you'll see in the end.


*EDIT* All will be writing Chapter 8 hopefully today I can reveal only the title....


*Chapter 8- The Maylasian Adventure*
 
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