Writing '. : Ancient Archetypes : .`

M

MylesProwr

Cake Trainer
Member
Welcome! Anciént Archétypés is the retelling of existing folktales and mythology, with a setting change: the world of Pokémon! If it sounds interesting, why not take a seat and read a story? Do try to enjoy this collision of worlds.​

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"...The passage of time slowed to a crawl, and with this, the world presented itself to watch..."​


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*Text in dark blue indicates happenings outside of the Anciént Archétypés book.

*Text in black indicates stories from inside of Milotic's Anciént Archétypés book.​

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I. The Homecoming
II. Zigzagoon and the Murky Forest

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Unrelenting darkness is found in every direction. Memories of the past, even of just a few moments ago... are elusive. Not a single image comes to mind.

"...Welcome to New Anciént Archétypés. Come on, don't be shy, follow the light!"

Where is this voice coming from? Peering a slight bit to the left reveals a small orange glow. It seems to dance, and it's rather inviting.

"It's okay, no need to hesitate! Come on, we're waiting for you," the mysterious voice adds.

As if by force, the orange glow grows bigger, and the distance to it decreases. Nothing is known about what is creeping closer, but it seems like... a happy change. This feels great...

...A...campfire? More objects are coming into view, it seems. It's beautiful. Around the campfire are a variety of different Pokémon, all looking rather friendly. Large crystals in pastel hues jut out of the green grass, and on the opposite side of the fire -- A large, beautiful dragon bearing gold, red, sky blue, and pink holds a gigantic, ancient-looking tome. A Milotic with glasses on?

The crystals are shiny and warm. Heading towards one reveals their ability to act as a mirror. However, in this mirror... is the body of a Pokémon! How did this happen? It's a strange change... but your new look, after all, is the Pokémon you wanted to be most. How exciting!

"Don't worry about your new form too much, come have a seat with us," the Milotic smiled. "You'll love this next one. Oh, but I should tell you a few things. You're now in the world of Pokémon! I like to call this place New Anciént Archétypés. See how we're on a large cliff? It looks as if it gazes across the ocean."

It's true! A vast, dark, sea lays at the bottom of a gorgeous faded sky. The gray clouds move on their way, slowly wafting from one horizon to the next. In front of this awe-inspiring view, relaxed palm trees are stirred by a refreshing cool breeze. A seat in the cozy warmth of the fire sounds perfect.

"Well, now that we're all settled, let's begin... Anciént Archétypés, a long time ago, was a shop in the old land of PokéBeach... at one time, miles and miles away from here. It was famous for its astoundingly large collection of stories passed down from generations. Nothing matched its voluminous supply of eclectic records. Why, I used to spend entire afternoons reading about Pokémon conquests from faraway lands... it was intriguing to me. Well... long story short, this is all that is left of Anciént Archétypés, and I was such a regular customer that they entrusted me with this book. They said I was like their daughter that was killed as an infant. It contains many of the stories, but some were lost... Um..."

"Milotic, if you don't mind me asking," a Masquerain interrupted, "who were the owners of Anciént Archétypés?"

"Why, they were two Feebas," Milotic informed. "A married couple. That's why they were no match for when the Shiftry attacked," she sighed. "Well... that should be enough explanation. Let's get into our next story, shall we?"
 
RE: '. : Anciént Archétypés : .`

[14:16] <Mora|Closet> Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a prologue to tear apart.
Click to expand...
Ok, so I don't tear literature apart, but either way, it's constructive, so take it for its worth. :D

I have an issue against the color thing. If you setup the story correctly, then there's no need for usage of color to organize point of view. Also, why even bother pointing out the fact that there is going to be another point of view when it's obvious? Because the audience is dumb? Well... maybe, but best to get them lost and then yell at them for being idiots. :)

Very rarely have I seen a fanfic (and in generic literature, almost as rare) that even uses a second-person view. In the context here, I suppose it fits somewhat well - having a little narrator lead you through a fairy tale where you lost your memory, get lured into a magical place by a charming voice, and transform into a Pokémon. I admit, the unusual approach is an appealing opening.

Your word choice in the first paragraph, however, could use a bit of reconsideration. The main tone of the intro is - as intended - to portray a magical fantasy, a bit childish:
...A...campfire? More objects are coming into view, it seems. It's beautiful. Around the campfire are a variety of different Pokémon, all looking rather friendly. Large crystals in pastel hues jut out of the green grass, and on the opposite side of the fire -- A large, beautiful dragon bearing gold, red, sky blue, and pink holds a gigantic, ancient-looking tome. A Milotic with glasses on?

The crystals are shiny and warm. Heading towards one reveals their ability to act as a mirror. However, in this mirror... is the body of a Pokémon! How did this happen? It's a strange change... but your new look, after all, is the Pokémon you wanted to be most. How exciting!
Click to expand...
The more important adjectives are not only cheerful and positive, but simplistic. The syntax is short and to the point; no twisted sentence structure (certainly wouldn't want to scare children off with semi-colons) but just simple sentences. And yet...

Unrelenting darkness is found in every direction. Memories of the past, even of just a few moments ago... are elusive. Not a single image comes to mind.
Click to expand...

You start up with a much darker tone right before you bump the setting into wonderland. I can't honestly it's a horrible thing, but it definitely doesn't flow well into the next paragraphs. You can choose to disagree and say that it needs to happen, but surely you can start a bit more innocently rather than slamming us with fantasy like an anvil the moment we step out of the dark fog.

Eh, take it or leave, but I'm definitely looking for more.

~Zyflair
 
RE: '. : Anciént Archétypés : .`

Ha, well thanks for the crit. I suppose it was a mistake to post the thread without yet getting to the focus of it, the folktales. This was more or less intended to be a brief introduction to the thread, and not an actual story.

Um, on the color thing, you pretty much pointed out why I did it, which was so that no one would be confused. Of course there's a point of view change, but I dunno, the concept of a story coming into the focus is a little odd, and I just wanted to make it easy to follow. I don't have to worry about people like you, of course, but simply put, 'simple does it', amirite? I'll make both colors very similar to black.

Ah, see now with the first-paragraph thing, you have opened my eyes to something I wasn't even aware of. Perhaps I'll give it a little revision.

I'll probably end up putting this somewhere in the first post, but this isn't the type of thread to find a drawn-out, artistic story. I'm not much of a writer. This thread is the retelling of folktales in Pokemon terms. (With a tag intro). Really, that's it!
 
RE: '. : Anciént Archétypés : .`

I realize it's merely the introduction, but you have to treat it like a part of the story. ;D
 
RE: '. : Anciént Archétypés : .`

I. The Homecoming
-from a Chinese folk tale-

Once there was a woodcutter, a Gallade, who minded everyone's business but his own. If you were picking berries or training, he knew a better way to do so. As his village said, he knew a little of everything and a lot of nothing.

If his wife and children, Gardevoir, Ralts and Kirlia hadn't made headbands out of linen, the family would have starved. Eventually, Gardevoir grew tired of everyone poking fun at her family.

Turning to her husband, she scolded, "You're supposed to be a woodcutter. Go up to the hill and cut some firewood."

"Any fool can do that," the Gallade smirked as he picked up his hatchet. "In the mountains there's plenty of tall Sitrus. That's what burns best."

His wife pointed out the window. "There's a stand of Grepa just over the ridgetop."

Gallade looked pained. "Grepa won't sell as well. I'll take my load into town, where folk are too busy to cut their own. Then I'll come back home with loads of cash." With a laugh, he shouldered his long pole. After he cut the wood, he would tie it to the ends of the pole, making the weight easy to balance on his shoulder.

Waving good-bye to his children, he left his home; but Gardevoir decided to walk right with him. "What are you doing?" he asked.

His wife folded her arms as they walked along. "Escorting you."

He slowed down by a young Totodile who was making a kite out of paper and gummi paste. "That thing will never fly. You should -"

His wife caught his arm and pulled him along. "Try to focus," she crowed.

"If a neighbor is doing something wrong, the chivalric thing to do is to set that Pokemon straight." He tried to stop by a Corsola who was planting berries. "Say, friend. Those Liechi berries will grow better if -"

Gardevoir yanked him away and gave him a good shake. "Do I have to blindfold you? We have two children to feed."

"I'm not lazy," Gallade grumbled.

Gardevoir continued to drag him out of the village. "I never said you were. You're just too easily distracted. Focus. Remember what you're on your way to do."

She went with him to the very edge of the fields, and not wanting to go any farther, sent him on his way. "Remember," she warned him, "Don't talk to anyone."

He walked with long, steady strides through the wooded hills. "I'll show her. It isn't how often you do something, it's how you do it. I'll cut loads of wood... and sell it for double the price... and come back in half the time and... that will show her."

Mumbling to himself, he moved deep into the woods, looking for the perfect Sitrus tree. As he walked, the temperature seemed to drop drastically. 'Hm, must be winds blown in from the sea,' he thought.

He didn't see the Arcanine until he bumped into him. "Oof, watch where you're going," he hissed.

Playing chess with the stately Arcanine was a Mismagius. While playing, she used her Levitate ability to swing a dainty fan with elaborate artwork back and forth, sending gusts of cool air to her face.

'That's odd, why would she want a fan in such cool weather?' Gallade thought.

Mismagius shook her head at Arcanine. "Don't try to change the subject. I've got you. It's checkmate in two moves." At this, Arcanine looked back at the chessboard. The lines were a bright purple on dark brown wood, and the chess pieces were flat disks with words painted on them in gold. The purple lines seemed to glow.

"Is it now, is it now?" the Arcanine mused.

Gallade remembered his wife's warning, but he figured he wasn't actually going to chat with them, he would just advise them. He put down his pole.

"Actually, if you took this piece," he informed, jabbing at a disk, "and moved it here, you'd have him."

Arcanine ignored Gallade and moved a different disk.

Mismagius put on a puzzled look. "Now how'd you think of that?"

"Yes, how did you think of that?" Gallade asked. "Still, if you shifted that one, you'd win," he turned to Mismagius.

However, she ignored Gallade as well and made another move.

"Well," Gallade commented, turning to Arcanine, "you've got her now."

Arcanine paid him no attention. "Hmmm," he murmured, setting his chin on his paw as he studied the board.

Gallade became so caught up in the game that he squatted down. "I know what you have to do. I'll be right here in case you want to ask."

Neither chess player said a word to him. They just went on playing, and as they played, Gallade became more and more fascinated. He forgot about chopping wood. He even forgot about going home.

When it was night, Arcanine opened a big basket and lifted out a golden lantern. He hung it from a Lum tree, and many Volbeat and Illumise were attracted to it. The game went on. Night passed into day, but Gallade was as interested in the game now as the players.

"Let's take a break," the Mismagius smiled as she slipped two Pecha berries from a silk pouch next to her. The berries were as large as Arcanine's paws, and they filled the woods with their sweet aroma.

"You're just stalling for time," Arcanine blurted. "Move."

"I'm hungry," the Mismagius remarked, as she took a big bite. She used her power to roll the other Pecha berry to Arcanine, who accepted the gift, and took a bite.

The game continued with no end in sight. They went on, alternating moves and bites until there was nothing left of the berries but pits. "I feel much better now," the Mismagius beamed as she tossed the pit over her head.

As Mismagius and Arcanine had finished their Pecha berries, Gallade had discovered that he was famished, but the only thing left was the berry pit. "Maybe I can suck on this pit and forget about being hungry; but I wish one of them would ask me for help. We could finish this game a lot quicker," he cried, trying hard to attract attention. He tucked the pit into his mouth and tasted the saccharine Pecha juices. Instantly, he felt himself filled with energy, as if lightning bolts zipped around inside of him. He went on watching the game with new energy.

After seven days, Arcanine stopped and stretched. "I think we're going to have to call this game a draw."

Mismagius sighed. "I agree." They began to pick up the pieces.

Gallade, at this, spat out the Pecha pit. "But you could win easily!" he objected.

Arcanine finally noticed him. "Are you still here?"

Gallade thought this was his chance now to do a good deed. "It's been a most interesting game," he commented, "but if maybe you - "

Arcanine interrupted with a grumble and waved his paw in a shooing motion. "You should've gone home long ago."

"But I -" began Gallade.

Mismagius rose and interjected, "Go home. It may already be too late."

He turned around to get his pole, but big, fat Shroomish had settled all around the area he placed it in. A brown carpet surrounded him. He shooed a few Shroomish aside and found his pole, covered in moss. Puzzled, he picked it up and turned around to ask the two chess players a question. However, both Mismagius and Arcanine had vanished, along with all of their belongings.

Gallade didn't know what to do, or what to think. He began running back the direction he came, but for some odd reason, all of the trees seemed rearranged. When he finally made his way out of the forest, he noticed that fields and villages now stood where there were once wooded hills.

"What are you doing here?" he asked a Scyther, busy tending to berry plants.

"What are you?" the Scyther snorted, as he continued to tend to the plants.

As he made his way back into his town, he didn't recognize a single Pokemon. Even the houses seemed different. He burst into his home.

There, a Politoed stared at him angrily. "Out!" he commanded, as he readied his Hydro Pump attack. Gallade raised his arms protectively, but Politoed's attack was too much, and it sent him out of the house and into the street. By now, a crowd had gathered.

Gallade looked around desperately. "What's happened to my village? Doesn't anyone know me?"

The commotion had caused the village schoolteacher, Torkoal, to emerge from the classroom. He glanced at Gallade and gasped, "It can't be!" The teacher motioned for Gallade to follow him, and so he led him into the classroom.

There, Torkoal got out a thick, ancient-looking book. "There's a strange incident listed in this history book," he explained. He leafed through the book and stopped on a page. There was Gallade's name. "Let's see... yes, a Gallade left the village one day to cut wood and never came back," he added. "This... however, occurred several hundred years ago."

"That's impossible," Gallade insisted. "I just stayed away to watch two Pokemon play a game of chess."

Torkoal sighed. "The two Pokemon must have been... saints. Spirits. Time does not pass for them as it does for us."

At that moment, Gallade remembered Gardevoir's warning.

But at this point, it was entirely too late.
 
RE: '. : Anciént Archétypés : .`

Oh god, The Homecoming. I think I just cried a bit in joy.

I definitely see how you matched character for character, though I can't say much about how well you made the Arcanine take the fat person's role (Mismagius being the old person is a given). Perhaps a mention of the Arcanine being a bit fat would line up a more, but other than that, this tale still holds to its true colors.

Keep writing. I want to read more!

P.S. You might want to link the first tale to the original post for easy reference for readers.
 
RE: '. : Anciént Archétypés : .`

Thanks for the good advice, and I'm glad you liked it. Looking forward to getting the second story finished.
 
RE: '. : Anciént Archétypés : .`

Very creative! I like it a lot. keep up the stories! :)
 
This one is from a tale meant to be told to children. Hopefully the Pokemon parallel will give it a bit more depth. No promise you won't be disgusted at the end of it.

II. Zigzagoon and the Murky Forest
-from a classic Scottish folktale-

Not too far from here, but many years ago, a wee Zigzagoon celebrated his sixth birthday. He had learned a few new attacks since his birth, and was anxious to learn what would come next.

He and his parents, both Linoone, lived in a cozy little house on the banks of the Serenity River. His home had a pleasant, earthy feel to it, and he couldn't have liked it more.

For Zigzagoon's birthday, his mother Linoone entrusted him with her favorite accessory, the Muscle Band. "This will make you stronger," she noted as she tied the colorful scarf around his neck.

"It looks just dashing on you, son," his father happily declared. "Wear it with pride."

Zigzagoon's father made no mistake. The band was patterned in bold crimson, yellow, and cerulean hues, like a vibrant mosaic. The shapes and colors complimented Zigzagoon's fur very well, and he had never looked better.

His father then carefully handed him a deep violet pouch that seemed to give off an enchanting glow. Zigzagoon, with widening eyes, opened the pouch to reveal the light of a miniature sun.

"Ack!" Zigzagoon croaked as he squinted his eyes, bright light shining mercilessly onto his face. He without hesitation sealed the pouch and let out a relieved sigh.

"What was that?" he blurted, turning to his father.

Linoone uttered a faint chuckle. "Inside the pouch is BrightPowder. It gives off a tricky glare that distracts opponents and sometimes even makes them miss their attacks. It's gotten me through many battles I would not have otherwise won."

"Wow..." Zigzagoon sighed, "what cool gifts, mama, papa... Thank you." His dark, beady eyes flickered with excitement. "I feel so much stronger!"

"You're welcome, sweetie," his mother cooed. "What would you like for supper tonight? Anything you want, I'll make."

Linoone took one look at Zigzagoon's face and knew what the answer would be. "Let me guess," she jested. "Hmm... maybe pancakes with Oran jam?"

A big grin spread across his face. "Yep! I can't wait!" he quickly nodded.

"Okay, honey. Now, in order to make supper, you know I'll need Oran jam," Zigzagoon's mother hinted, "so I need you to go to the Kecleon market and fill this jar."

"Sure thing, mama!" he beamed. "I'll be back before you know it!"

"Also!" his father Linoone added, sternly, right as Zigzagoon was halfway out the door, "Do not take the path through Murky Forest. Vicious Pokemon live there."

Zigzagoon nodded with assent as he went on his way. He was glad to go to the Kecleon market, for there were usually other Pokemon there, and he couldn't wait to show off his dazzling new scarf.

Before he knew it, Zigzagoon had reached a fork in the path. One one side, an intimidating forest loomed over him, casting creeping shadows onto the ground. On the other, the Serenity River flowed calmly, and built over it was an extremely narrow bridge.

Zigzagoon had a little bit of a problem. It was very uncomfortable for him to walk in straight lines. His parents, who could walk one direction flawlessly, worried about him, as he seemed to only be able to walk in a zigzag pattern, no matter where he went.

'That bridge is so narrow... I'll never bring myself to walk across it,' he shuddered in thought. 'I'll make a quick break for it through the forest.'

Murky Forest turned out to be a little more murky and forested than Zigzagoon liked. He tried not to look at anything but his destination as he hastily made his way through the woods. However, the startling sound of footsteps other than his own stopped him in his tracks.

"Well, hello, little bro," an unfamiliar voice called from the rear.

Zigzagoon swiftly turned about. Staring at him was a Zangoose, standing tall with a wicked smile and swordlike claws. Zigzagoon was frozen with fear.

"That's a mighty fine scarf you're wearing," the Zangoose began, as he took graceful steps around the shivering child. "Would you mind if I... held it for a while?"

Zigzagoon saw this as his chance to escape, and quickly reasoned, "Please, if you won't hurt me, I'll let you have it, and you'll be the grandest looking Pokemon in all the woods."

"Well," Zangoose retorted, taking the scarf, "I do love presents... I'll go to the river and look at myself, and if I look very debonair indeed, you will not be harmed." With that, he dashed off into the brush to view his reflection.

Before Zangoose was fully out of sight, another sinister creature crept up from behind Zigzagoon.

"Hello to my ssssupper," a raspy voice hissed.

The frightened child quickly turned to see what was behind him. A terrifying Seviper with glossy skin and long, sharp fangs now towered over him. Its glare was paralyzing, and it wasted no time in surrounding Zigzagoon with its body.

The poor Zigzagoon emitted a piercing shriek as Seviper opened its jaws. However, the snake did not strike. Its eyes widened, and it seemed to enter a trance.

"Wha-, What is that?" Seviper gasped, leaning closer to get a better look. He was gazing at Zigzagoon's BrightPowder. "That glow... it touches my sssoul... How sssoothing."

Zigzagoon now saw another chance to escape. "If you let me go," he suggested, "I will let you have this mysterious treasure, and with it, you will be the grandest looking Pokemon in all the woods."

Seviper could do nothing but ogle the light. "That sssounds lovely.. now everyone will be jealoussss of my beautiful treasure..." he sighed.

At this response, Zigzagoon quickly dropped the BrightPowder and broke into a sprint for the Kecleon Market. He began running even faster when he heard footsteps from the rear.

He was forced to stop when he reached a terribly thick patch of shrubbery. There was no way to squeeze through. Zigzagoon turned around and looked for a way to progress, but it was a dead end. A dark figure was closing in on him, and an odd slithering sound was coming from the same direction. Zigzagoon was frightened, and he climbed up a tall Oran tree to avoid danger.

He tried to hide behind the leaves of the tree, but it was hopeless. He had been spotted. Seviper flung the BrightPowder at Zigzagoon, and at being hit, he couldn't help but emit a small cry.

"Get down out of that tree!" snarled Zangoose, "and tell this slithering simpleton who really is the grandest looking in all the forest!"

"You are ssso horribly mistaken," Seviper corrected, "he told me that, and I think it's clear who is the sssap for believing him."

"You're nothing but a tail with a face! If I hadn't just eaten, you'd make a fine noodle soup!"

"You think you ssstand a chance against me? How dumb you are! Were your parents sssiblings?"

At this, Zangoose leaped at Seviper with great force. However, he was distracted by a tricky glare and headbutted the Oran tree. Upon impact, Zangoose dropped the Muscle Band. Several berries shook off of the tree and fell to the ground. Seviper then lunged at Zangoose, who quickly got up and defended himself with his claws.

A terrible racket of scraping and growling could be heard for miles. The two natural enemies completely forgot about Zigzagoon in their scuffle, and the fight began to drift away from the Oran tree.

When it was quiet, Zigzagoon slowly descended from the tree. Exhausted, he decided to give up on the market and head home while he was still in one piece. As he took his first step, he noticed a sticky substance underneath his paw. He recognized the tangy smell and blue color... it was Oran jam! The berries that dropped off of the tree were cut, sliced, and crushed in all of the most horrible ways. Zigzagoon pulled out his jar, filled it with the viscous jam, and picked up his tattered birthday presents. He then made a beeline for home, wondering if his parents were worried.

Zigzagoon's mother Linoone took one look at her son and knew that there had been trouble. He tried to look composed as he told his mother about the Zangoose and Seviper, the Muscle Band and BrightPowder. He handed his mother the jar of Oran Jam, and apologized for being gone so long. His mother was simply glad he was okay, but his father was not pleased.

"You took the forbidden path through the forest!" Linoone snapped. "And look what happened! You're lucky you made it out in one piece! Do you see now why we make rules for you?"

"Yessir," Zigzagoon answered, with a sigh.

"Please, go to bed," his father ordered, "and I'll see you in the morning."

Zigzagoon sniffled a bit as he crawled to his room, thinking of his lost birthday supper and disappointed parents. The child stumbled into bed and thought about his situation, assured that it didn't get any worse than this. Feeling sorry, he lulled himself into a somber slumber.

*****​

The next morning, Zigzagoon dreamed he was hearing the "Happy Birthday" song. He opened his eyes and realized that his dream was, in fact, right in front of him! His father was holding a big stack of pancakes with Oran jam, six candles on top, and his mother held a mended Muscle Band and BrightPowder bag.

"We love you, sweetie," mother Linoone began, "and we don't like punishing you; but do you see now why we do it?"

"We don't give you rules to restrict you, but to keep you safe," father Linoone added.

After Zigzagoon had finished all eight pancakes, his mother gave him a kiss on the forehead, and his birthday supper ended up perfectly after all.

yeayhappyendingGO HOME.
 
Well, since you're basing this off of a classic folktale, little needs to be said about the plot itself (lol Happy Ending) or even the writing style of this work (which, I should add, is rather nice in simple tales. I guess you're naturally for these things or something, lol). Because this was completely unfamiliar to me, I tried to find the original tale after reading (and I learned where you got Murky Forest), but to no avail. In any case, I had hoped to have replied sooner, but too much was getting in the way for me. Please keep this up. xP
 
That second one was not good for a sensitive person like myself,I hate it when people have to do things has to do something their parents told them not to for their own safety.(It's confusing huh?)
 
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