Writing The Shattering

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Unfallible

im more perfecter then u :P
Member
You ready for this? Then let's go.

[prologue]
"Silver, Gold, Crystal!" shouted Lance. "Wake up! I've evacuated Goldenrod already. The city's under attack!"
"Uuugh," moaned Crystal, looking out the window down on Lance. "Orre again!?"
"I think so," Lance shouted back up at her.
Silver got up and rushed down the stairs, "Here we go."
"As if an attack at night's stop us!" said Gold excitedly. He was already at ground level as well as Crystal.
"I have summoned backup," Lance told the group.
Suddenly a Charizard flew down, and on its back sat a 15 year old boy.
"Ash!" exclaimed Crystal.
"You made it," Lance said, "How close are they? Did you see them on your way here?"
"Yeah. They're probably gonna hit from the air. They're movin pretty quick. I'm surprised they aren't here alre-" Ash looked up.
Luuuuuuuuugiaaaaaaaaaaaaa, a shrill voice cried out.
"Everyone come on out!" the five said. Twenty-nine Pokeballs were thrown up into the air. Twenty-nine Pokemon appeared.
A huge black Lugia appeared. All the Pokemon immediatly felt weaker.
"Thunderbolt!" shouted Ash. A Pickachu jumped up and aimed a electic blast.
"Sunny Day, Typhlosion!" yelled Gold.
"Meganium, use this chance to do a Solar Beam!" shouted Crystal.
"Feraligator, Ice Beam," Silver said cooly.
"Dragonite, Draco Meteor!" Lance commanded. Dragonite summoned a massive swarm of meteors and fired them down onto the Lugia. Mager flares exploded all over the giant black Pokemon.
"Blast Burn, Charizard! Kingler, Hydro Cannon! Scyptile, Frenzy Plant!Pickachu, Volt Tackle! Butterfree, Silver Wind! Glalie, Ice Beam!" Ash commanded.
Rounds and rounds of attacks went back and forth all night. It didn't seem like the giant bird could be stopped. Then a terrifiieing thing happened. Terrifieing but fast. Lugia fired down a massive Shadow Blast attack. Everyone fled. Everyone but Ash. No sooner had Ash come back together the blast hit!
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Ash sceamed  in pain, infinite, eternal pain. He stopped. He was dead.
[/prologue]

Well how is it? This is is my first fanfic so I would appreciate your feedback. Rate it please rate it on a scale of 1 to 10,000. Thank you.
 

Unfallible

im more perfecter then u :P
Member
Let's continue.

[chapter 1]
"Hurry up. If I'm late again I'm gonna be mad!"
"Just a sec."
"That's what ya said five minutes ago."
"That does it. I'm leaving with or without you."
"But Mom says I have to go with yo-."
"Too bad!"
"But, you have t-"
"I'm turning on the radio really,really loud, so I won't be able to hear you."
The older boy turned the radio up, tuning out his brother. Then the older one walked out of the house.
"Do to the chain of massive earthquakes globaly school is canceled," The radio said.
The younger one still packing lunch stopped immediately.
"Hey Bro schools cancelled!" called the younger boy. "I can't here you!" was all he heard back.
[chapter 1]

How is it? Continue giving suggestions please. Rate it too. (I'm serious about the scale of 1 to 10,000.) Thank you.
 
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