Writing The Hoenn Saga

Status
Not open for further replies.

ashinto

Aspiring Trainer
Member
This is a story that I've been working on for about a month, it mulling around in my brain, and I finally got the first chapter out on paper (sort of...) It is loosely based upon the Hoenn Saga of the Pokemon Manga Special, and will go from Ruby (Landon in our story) coming to Hoenn to the Pokemon League.


Chapter 1: Vs. Family

“Landon sweety, come out from the back of the truck, we’re finally in Littleroot,” a woman yelled out to her son. “Come on Landon, the sooner you’re out is the sooner you can start helping the Machokes out.”

‘My mom makes me ride in the back of the truck for a whole week and then wants me to come out and help Pokemon that are here to work?! What a jerk, thank god I’m leaving tonight,’ Landon thought, a scowl on his face. “I’m coming Mom,” he said as he opened the back of the truck. For a couple of seconds, the change in lighting blinded the boy, though when he was able to see, he saw Littleroot for the first time. It was a very small town, only about a dozen houses and what seemed to be a research lab in the distance, though the boy didn’t like it compared to his old home, Goldenrod City. ‘I go from high life to hillbilly, great…’ Landon thought as he started lifting boxes and bringing them inside. The boy only grabbed his own boxes, and brought them upstairs to his room. After unpacking all of his stuff, which included extra pairs of clothes, a sewing kit, a pokeblock case, a fashion case, two pokeballs, and a journal, he went to setting his clock to the right time. ‘I’ll stay till dinner and then I’ll make my escape at midnight,’ he thought as Landon headed downstairs. When he came down, he saw that the workers have already left. He looked around, seeing that the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room were all set up. In the living room was his Mom who was on the couch, glued to the TV. The woman made a quick glance up to notice that her son was looking down.

“Landon, come down and watch this, your father’s on TV!!” she called out to her son.

‘Why would I want to watch that battle obsessed Neanderthal?’ he thought, as he answered his mom, “Sure.” Landon went downstairs and sat next to his mom on the couch.

“…And that concludes our special on Hoenn’s new gym leader, Petalburg’s Norman Richards. Tune in tomorrow, same time same place!!” a female announcer on the TV said right before the TV went to commercials.

“Oh you missed it, but that’s OK, you’ll be able to watch a rerun tomorrow,” Landon’s mom told him. “C’mon, I cooked dinner, let’s eat.” She said as she walked to the kitchen.

“Did you make anything for my Pokemon??” Landon asked his mother.

“Yes, I have some of that canned stuff that your Pokemon seem to like, I’ll put it in a bowl for them,” she answered.

“OK, let me just go up and get them,” Landon informed his mom as he walked up the stairs to his room. In his room, he grabbed the two pokeballs on his desk, sending out the Pokemon inside. “Kaka, Lala, it’s dinner time,” Landon told his Pokemon.

Kaka, an Abra, sat their sleeping, while Lala, a Bagon, ran down the stairs in a hurry, being very hungry. Landon picked up Kaka and brought him downstairs.

“Kaka is still a lazy one, eh Landon. You better work on him or he’ll never win another battle,” his mom said to him, teasingly. Landon though, taking it as a direct insult to himself as a trainer.

“If you had any clue on what kind of Pokemon Kaka is, then you would know that he needs at least eighteen hours of sleep a day and is only able to teleport during that state till he evolves,” the boy retorted. He sat is Pokemon in front of the food, and just like that, Kaka awoke and started to eat. “When he is awake he’s one of the toughest Pokemon you’ll ever face.”

“You still can’t beat your father though,” Landon’s mom said to him. “Maybe if you spent your time battling and training instead of doing these silly contests back in Jhoto, you may have been able to beat him. Here’s your plate.”

Landon sat down and started to eat his food angrily. While his mom was right about his father, he hated people making fun of contests. There was more to Pokemon than battling, and contests helped show that. In Landon’s mind, Pokemon were meant to be beautiful and civilized, not mongrels. ‘I can’t wait for tonight…’ he thought.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was two in the morning when Landon was packing his bag. The yellow single strap bag seemed to fit a lot more than Landon thought it would. He already packed his contest stuff, a potion that was left in his room’s PC, his journal, a contest pass from Jhoto, and extra pairs of clothes, all of them the same outfit obviously. The boy’s travelling clothes were short black pants, a red shirt with a single black stripe in the middle of it, which then turned into the bottom of a circle when the stripe got to the middle of his chest, a white hat that covered his black hair, which had a black headband with the crooked top of a pokeball design in red on it. Finally, red and black shoes and a pair of glasses finished off the boy’s outfit. Once he was finished packing, he logged off of his PC at home, grabbed Kaka and Lala’s pokeballs, putting them in his pocket after shrinking them. ‘Good bye Littleroot, see you when I’m famous…’ He thought as he took out a rope, which he put out of his window and climbed down from, starting to run to the town’s exit, towards what would be the biggest adventure of his life.
 
Very nice indeed. You've captured the image of the Hoenn story perfectly. I really look forward for more. Although naming Abra "Kaka" ... you messed up my favorite soccer player :p.
 
I'm trying to do names with all of them like Ruby would... Also, thank you for the complement, Gen. III is my favorite as is the Hoenn Saga of the manga speical (trying to find a good hoenn pic. for my avi) so I can go real in depth with stuff. Also, I'm just saying this as a bit of backround info, we will not just be following Landon this whole story. Sapphire, Wally, and even Emerald (well...a taller, stronger...taller interpretation of Emerald) will also be followed, their stories meeting at points too!!
 
As HoS said, very nice indeed. Can't wait for the rest. One thing, though. It is not Jhoto but Johto. Don't worry, lots of people confuses that word x)
 
I've always seen it as Jhoto though...and Jhoto looks cooler...

The next chapter will be out sometime, but IDK really (sorry).




UPDATE!! I started working on chp. 2 this morning!!
 
I like the story so far, GREAT use of formatting, the only thing I suggest is to give a little detail about his Pokemon. I know in the future it will not matter, but maybe it would ive the reader an insight on the Pokemon he uses throughout the enitre story. You can disagree with me if you want, but after reading your story I feel like changing my own story.
 
I understand, Pokemon have personalities too, I'm going to be workin' on them more.
 
I can't really judge the plot as of now, but I'm hoping to see more than just a "walk around beating people" kind of adventure.

I'd really like more details. All I got from Littleroot was "small, a dozen houses, and research lab". I already knew that from the game. Tell me something I don't know.

Lastly, Landom seems really mean in my opinion. Too mean. Readers don't like characters they can't like. Unless, you know, that character is an antagonist, but people like some antagonists too.
 
Landon's a pessimist right now, just like Ruby was in the beginning of the Hoenn PokeSpecial. He'll warm up pretty quickly though. Also, Landon isn't the only main character, I'm doing an Emerald, a Sapphire, and a Wally as started a couple posts ago.
 
I suggest that you work on this installment a bit more. Here, the minimum length for an installment of a story is 1,000 words. This is in the 900's. I'm telling you this so your story doesn't get locked, not because I'm telling you what to do. I hope I don't come off sounding that way :x

Also, I suggest that, as Twig stated, you make the plot a bit more creative than just something straight out of the RPG's. I'm not saying that you're doing that, but that seems to be the direction it's heading. Don't hesitate to do something different.
 
Sorry 'bout that 900 words, I'm being more cautious of that as I'm slowly writing chapter two (school has kinda gotten in the way with midterms being in 3 weeks). And the beginning isn't the most creative part, it will look like something straight of the RPG, though it will change drastically when the other characters are introduced.
 
Midterms studying sadly will postpone chapter two, I'll be able to get it as soon as possible.
 
Sorry to say it, but I have to close this. Aside from being just under the 1000-word mininum, the formatting really isn't that good with a bunch of dialogue and two 'block' paragraphs near the beginning and at the end. I'd suggest spreading stuff out a little more and not lumping thoughts and dialogue in with the same paragraphs as your description and narration. For example...

‘My mom makes me ride in the back of the truck for a whole week and then wants me to come out and help Pokemon that are here to work?! What a jerk, thank god I’m leaving tonight,’ Landon thought, a scowl on his face.

“I’m coming Mom,” he said as he opened the back of the truck.

For a couple of seconds, the change in lighting blinded the boy, though when he was able to see, he saw Littleroot for the first time. It was a very small town, only about a dozen houses and what seemed to be a research lab in the distance, though the boy didn’t like it compared to his old home, Goldenrod City.

‘I go from high life to hillbilly, great…’ Landon thought as he started lifting boxes and bringing them inside.

The boy only grabbed his own boxes, and brought them upstairs to his room. After unpacking all of his stuff, which included extra pairs of clothes, a sewing kit, a pokeblock case, a fashion case, two pokeballs, and a journal, he went to setting his clock to the right time.

‘I’ll stay till dinner and then I’ll make my escape at midnight,’ he thought as Landon headed downstairs.

When he came down, he saw that the workers have already left. He looked around, seeing that the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room were all set up. In the living room was his Mom who was on the couch, glued to the TV. The woman made a quick glance up to notice that her son was looking down.

Likewise, you should use italics to designate when your character's thinking. The apostrophe-quotes alone aren't enough... Also, I'd suggest building upon some of your narration and description since it's kind of skimpy (but, I believe Twig and ST17 already lectured you on that).

In any case, good luck with your midterms, and just repost this when you feel it's ready.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top