Writing [Preview Chapter of] Trial of Death

[pokemeister899]

Mods, please don't close this until the actual story is up. It is only a preview chapter, and should be as long as one. Thanks.
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Rune and Rave looked at the black, ashed, burnt house before them.

"Lets go sister." Rune said to Rave. And then they walked off towards their journey to find their parents, and everything connected to them. It would be a long journey full of anger, tragedy, and tears. They looked off from their supposedly "home" town Harmar, and started off in the grassy fields after it.

"But brother, how will we live?" Rune asked. "How will we eat or drink?"

"I stole pounds of cooked meat from the Butchers shop," Rave answered,
"And I have a lot of satchels of water. And in case we have to, we can use our swords to catch prey."

"Oh." Rune said. "Do you think we will really find Mom and Dad, and our memory?"

"We have to." Rave answered. "Or else, we're screwed for life."
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[Editors Note]Thanks for reading the preview chapter of "Trial of Death"! Rune & Rave are 14, have black hair, and wear black clothes. Rune wields a blade/scythe called Kakator, and Rave wields a blade called Rusaphor. So instead of "Rave pulled out his blade" it will be "Rave pulled out Rusaphor". So remember it!!! Big Grin

 

[Incinermyn]

Hmm... Not much of a teaser, but I'll definitely keep an eye out for this story when you finally do get around to posting it. I've been busy with my own things as of late, and haven't been able to get in any serious critiquing as of late, but judging by this you have a decent grasp of dialogue. My advice, though, would be more on the lines of this: before starting any project, read (or at least skim) through published works. Note how other writers go about their narration, description, character-building, language/dialogue mechanics, all the little nitty-gritty details that help set the mood, build the setting, etc. Writers draw inspiration from other writers and learn how to adapt their writing style so it stands out above the rest. I know, I'm just rattling off a bunch of generic info about the importance of how to build good showmanship in writing, but you'll find it helps in the long-run.

And, on a side note: I'm not sure if we have a policy for previews of upcoming fanfics here in the Writer's Corner. Even if there's nothing against it in rules, it might still fall prey to requirements like post-length (two-pages in MS Word or 1000 words in general) and formatting issues. You should check with one of the mods to see if they'll allow this to stay open.

Either way, best of luck writing this!
~Incinermyn

 

[Darkness Generation]

No offence intended, but this does seem alot like FullMetal Alchemist with a Darren Shan title. I will keep an eye out though, I am interested.

 

[pokemeister899]

@DG, it will be a bit like FMA, but not really that much. It will seem like it at first, but not that much.

 

[Inconceivable]

I am about to go through and edit where I deem fit.

Rune and Rave looked at the black, ashed, burnt house before them.

"Let's go sister." Rune said to Rave. And then they walked off towards their journey to find their parents, and everything connected to them. It would be a long journey full of anger, tragedy, and tears. They looked off from their supposedly 'home' town Harmar, and started off in the grassy fields after it.

"But brother, how will we live?" Rune asked. "How will we eat or drink?"

"I stole pounds of cooked meat from the Butchers shop," Rave answered,
"And I have a lot of satchels of water. And in case we have to, we can use our swords to catch prey."

"Oh." Rune said. "Do you think we will really find Mom and Dad, and our memory?"

"We have to." Rave answered. "Or else, we're screwed for life."



Something can't really be 'ashed' but hey. I can't think of what to say. Only a couple of minor mistakes. Not uncommon ones but it is 'let's' not 'lets'. Many make that mistake. Anyhow, keep at it and maybe you will get somewhere.

 

[pokemeister899]

Never mind about this. Just an idea I decided to scrap. Expect something else coming soon though that will be just as good.

 

[nabby101]

"Lets go sister." Rune said to Rave. And then they walked off towards their journey to find their parents, and everything connected to them. It would be a long journey full of anger, tragedy, and tears. They looked off from their supposedly "home" town Harmar, and started off in the grassy fields after it.

"But brother, how will we live?" Rune asked. "How will we eat or drink?"


You made it so Rune is talking both times. Just a minor typo. Decent, although very short, even for a teaser.

 

[Petrex]

hey pokemaister you got sister and rother mixed up.... lol buts its good non the less =D