Pokemon Uranium: A Parody
By PokeChamp
Category: Comedy
Before I begin, I would like to notify you that this story isn't meant to be serious. It is in fact a parody of Pokemon, meaning I will be making fun of it. If you can't handle humor, or are looking for a more serious fanfic, I advise you to turn back now. And with that, enjoy!
"My name is Professor Eucalyptus," explained the man, "and I am going to teach you about the wonderful world of Pokemon!". He made way his over to a table where three circularly-shaped objects could be seen. These objects were divided into two halves, one red on the top-half, and white on the other half.
"These are Poke Balls," Professor Eucalyptus said, "they are highly advanced devices used to capture innocent, defenseless animals called 'Pokemon'". The Professor took one of the Poke Balls and pressed a button. He then said,
"I will now show you what happens when I throw one of these". And with that, he threw the ball into the air, and it landed on the ground with a heavy thud. But nothing came out of it. Professor Eucalyptus blushed.
"Hold on a minute, I think it is nothing more than a minor malfunction". He went over to where the Poke Ball had landed, and he tried to pry it open manually.
"It... won't... budge...", Professor Eucalyptus huffed as he tried to open it by force.
"Oh, stop filming you morons!", Professor Eucalyptus cried at the cameramen who were filming this comical scene, despite the reader's ignorance of their presence. The cameraman wouldn't stop.
Oh, I forgot to talk "Hollywood" again, Professor Eucalyptus thought to himself.
"Cut, cut!", Professor Eucalyptus shouted at the cameramen. They stopped filming immediately. Professor Eucalyptus went to his deck and took out a key, designed specifically for this situation. He wrenched the Poke Ball open, and gazed inside its contents. Inside the Poke Ball a sign had been put up, and it said "gone fishing, be back in thirty minutes, signed Pikachu".
"Gah!" Professor Eucalyptus exclaimed, "that lazy Pikachu has disappeared again, as per usual. He won't be getting any cookies tonight for dessert!".
"One more time, with the fake Pokemon prop we prepared for this," Professor Eucalyptus commanded the cameramen. They stood exactly where they were, oblivious.
"Action, you fools!", Professor Eucalyptus cried.
Meanwhile, back in Ballet Town, a very annoying child was sleeping. He had been sleeping for a record of 25 hours straight. It was said he was more lazy than a Snorlax. That boy's name was Ash Ketchup. Sensing that he was late for his arrangement, he immediately woke up. He checked his clock, and found that he was correct, for it was half-past ten, and he should have been up by ten sharp. He got dressed and ran down the stairs.
"There he goes again!", exclaimed Ash's deodorant.
"He never takes the time to use us!", cried his underused toothbrush. But what the toothbrush and deodorant didn't understand was that a Pokemon Trainer has to make certain sacrifices, one said sacrifice being personal hygiene.
Ash Ketchup made his way to the Professor's Laboratory. Our hero was an overweight boy who smelled like he was a mix between Professor Eucalyptus's onion patch and an irritated Skuntank. As he walked with the eye of the tiger, his body fat rippled in the wind. This was the Pokemon Trainer's dream. Ash Ketchup was predestined to be the very best. He looked like the very best, he talked like the very best, he smelled like the very best... how could he NOT be the very best?!? I didn't ask you! I don't want to hear it, because he is the very best, and I am the author of this story, so therefore, he is the very best. End of discussion.
Ash Ketchup walked into Professor Eucalyptus's lab. The Professor was busy at work writing a very serious report on how to handle Pokemon. He soon quit as he smelled the hideous stench that was Ash Ketchup.
"I told you Ash," Professor Eucalyptus began to exclaim, "if you're going to come into my house, then you need to put on some deodorant for crying out loud!". Ash began to look distressed.
"But Professor Eucalyptus, sir," Ash replied, "wasn't it you who said, 'in order to be the best, you have to smell like the best'?". Professor Eucalyptus nodded his head in agreement.
"Yes, it was me who said that, but..."
Ash interrupted, "Wasn't it you who said, 'a little offensive odor never killed anyone'?". Professor Eucalyptus couldn't deny it.
"Wasn't it you who said, 'a little odor...'" but Ash never got to finish his sentence, because Professor Eucalyptus changed the subject.
"So, I suppose you came here for your first Pokemon?", Professor Eucalyptus asked Ash.
"Yes, I did," Ash stated, staring at Professor Eucalyptus hurt at the fact that he had been interrupted.
"Well, Ash," Professor Eucalyptus asked him, "I'm going to give you an incredibly powerful Pokemon. Can you handle the great power and the great responsibility that comes with this Pokemon?". Ash, half asleep by now, hadn't payed any attention to what Professor Eucalyptus had said, so he just nodded his head lazily.
"Okay, then..." Professor Eucalyptus cautiously proceeded. Professor Eucalyptus took a Poke Ball from his pocket, and gave it to Ash. It had a small engraving on it that said, "the master". Ash began to laugh evilly. The power of the onering Pokemon was now his, and his domination of the Earth was imminent. He was going to be... a Pokemon Grandmaster! Ash walked away without saying thank you, and he left the laboratory. Meanwhile, Professor Eucalyptus schemed about the boy. For he was not really Professor Eucalyptus... he was in fact, Geovanny, leader of Team Ultra Mega Superstars 2 The Wrath of Khan.
"Gwahahahaha!", Geovanny laughed manically, "I finally got rid of that lazy Pokemon, Pikachu! That boy thinks he has the power, but he in fact has nothing more than one of the weakest Pokemon in the entire game! The fact that it will never evolve due to the fact Ash is too stupid to know that it evolves with the help of a Lightningstone also makes it pathetic!". One of Geovanny's henchmen walked into the laboratory suspiciously. He saw Geovanny, and he greeted him with a slur of words:
"Oh hi Geovanny how are you I am good great to see you're doing well say has the boy got his Pokemon yet because I am really excited about this greatest evil scheme isn't so great yeah I know it's great..."
"Enough! ENOUGH!", Geovanny interjected. "I told you about swamping me with words! You're not supposed to do that! No cookie for you tonight!".
"Oh, please no, Geovanny, why me?" the henchman begged, "please let me have a cookie, THEY ARE SO YUM YUM!!!".
"If you want to have the yummy," Geovanny taunted maliciously, "don't be a dummy!".
Meanwhile, Ash Ketchup was wandering around Ballet Town, looking for Trainers for him to beat easily and gain EXP, which was the official currency in this region.
"Oh, look!", Ash exclaimed, "It's a Lightningstone! Too bad those are useless..." Ash walked away from the Lightningstone. The rejected Lightningstone shed a tear in agony.
"Hey," Ash mused, "I never checked what kind of Pokemon I got from Professor Eucalyptus!". He pressed a button on the Poke Ball, and he threw it into the air. Geovanny watched from his upstairs window. From the Poke Ball came a hulking, yellow mouse, who was ripped with muscle. Geovanny listened in horror as he heard it exclaim, "PEEKACHEW!".
"No, no!" Geovanny cried in terror, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!". It was the worst day of Geovanny's life.
"Oh yeah!" Ash cried out in amazement, "I had no idea Professor Eucalyptus had a Pokemon as rare as Peekachew. Usually I'd expect him to give me something like a Pikachu, which are useless and lazy... I'm gonna go get my gym badges easily now!".
And with that, our hero, Ash Ketchup, walked off into the distance with his new-found Legendary Pokemon, Peekachew, while Geovanny screamed like a madman, "NO COOKIES FOR ANY OF YOU!".
By PokeChamp
Category: Comedy
Before I begin, I would like to notify you that this story isn't meant to be serious. It is in fact a parody of Pokemon, meaning I will be making fun of it. If you can't handle humor, or are looking for a more serious fanfic, I advise you to turn back now. And with that, enjoy!
Chapter One: The beginning of an epic journey!
"Welcome to my laboratory!", exclaimed a man dressed in a white lab coat. He gave off a huge smile, revealing a row of dirty, misaligned teeth. His hair was gray, and the man was balding. He wore an eyepatch on one eye, and his right arm had a tattoo in the shape of a heart that said, "Mom". He was a perfect role model for any child. "My name is Professor Eucalyptus," explained the man, "and I am going to teach you about the wonderful world of Pokemon!". He made way his over to a table where three circularly-shaped objects could be seen. These objects were divided into two halves, one red on the top-half, and white on the other half.
"These are Poke Balls," Professor Eucalyptus said, "they are highly advanced devices used to capture innocent, defenseless animals called 'Pokemon'". The Professor took one of the Poke Balls and pressed a button. He then said,
"I will now show you what happens when I throw one of these". And with that, he threw the ball into the air, and it landed on the ground with a heavy thud. But nothing came out of it. Professor Eucalyptus blushed.
"Hold on a minute, I think it is nothing more than a minor malfunction". He went over to where the Poke Ball had landed, and he tried to pry it open manually.
"It... won't... budge...", Professor Eucalyptus huffed as he tried to open it by force.
"Oh, stop filming you morons!", Professor Eucalyptus cried at the cameramen who were filming this comical scene, despite the reader's ignorance of their presence. The cameraman wouldn't stop.
Oh, I forgot to talk "Hollywood" again, Professor Eucalyptus thought to himself.
"Cut, cut!", Professor Eucalyptus shouted at the cameramen. They stopped filming immediately. Professor Eucalyptus went to his deck and took out a key, designed specifically for this situation. He wrenched the Poke Ball open, and gazed inside its contents. Inside the Poke Ball a sign had been put up, and it said "gone fishing, be back in thirty minutes, signed Pikachu".
"Gah!" Professor Eucalyptus exclaimed, "that lazy Pikachu has disappeared again, as per usual. He won't be getting any cookies tonight for dessert!".
"One more time, with the fake Pokemon prop we prepared for this," Professor Eucalyptus commanded the cameramen. They stood exactly where they were, oblivious.
"Action, you fools!", Professor Eucalyptus cried.
Meanwhile, back in Ballet Town, a very annoying child was sleeping. He had been sleeping for a record of 25 hours straight. It was said he was more lazy than a Snorlax. That boy's name was Ash Ketchup. Sensing that he was late for his arrangement, he immediately woke up. He checked his clock, and found that he was correct, for it was half-past ten, and he should have been up by ten sharp. He got dressed and ran down the stairs.
"There he goes again!", exclaimed Ash's deodorant.
"He never takes the time to use us!", cried his underused toothbrush. But what the toothbrush and deodorant didn't understand was that a Pokemon Trainer has to make certain sacrifices, one said sacrifice being personal hygiene.
Ash Ketchup made his way to the Professor's Laboratory. Our hero was an overweight boy who smelled like he was a mix between Professor Eucalyptus's onion patch and an irritated Skuntank. As he walked with the eye of the tiger, his body fat rippled in the wind. This was the Pokemon Trainer's dream. Ash Ketchup was predestined to be the very best. He looked like the very best, he talked like the very best, he smelled like the very best... how could he NOT be the very best?!? I didn't ask you! I don't want to hear it, because he is the very best, and I am the author of this story, so therefore, he is the very best. End of discussion.
Ash Ketchup walked into Professor Eucalyptus's lab. The Professor was busy at work writing a very serious report on how to handle Pokemon. He soon quit as he smelled the hideous stench that was Ash Ketchup.
"I told you Ash," Professor Eucalyptus began to exclaim, "if you're going to come into my house, then you need to put on some deodorant for crying out loud!". Ash began to look distressed.
"But Professor Eucalyptus, sir," Ash replied, "wasn't it you who said, 'in order to be the best, you have to smell like the best'?". Professor Eucalyptus nodded his head in agreement.
"Yes, it was me who said that, but..."
Ash interrupted, "Wasn't it you who said, 'a little offensive odor never killed anyone'?". Professor Eucalyptus couldn't deny it.
"Wasn't it you who said, 'a little odor...'" but Ash never got to finish his sentence, because Professor Eucalyptus changed the subject.
"So, I suppose you came here for your first Pokemon?", Professor Eucalyptus asked Ash.
"Yes, I did," Ash stated, staring at Professor Eucalyptus hurt at the fact that he had been interrupted.
"Well, Ash," Professor Eucalyptus asked him, "I'm going to give you an incredibly powerful Pokemon. Can you handle the great power and the great responsibility that comes with this Pokemon?". Ash, half asleep by now, hadn't payed any attention to what Professor Eucalyptus had said, so he just nodded his head lazily.
"Okay, then..." Professor Eucalyptus cautiously proceeded. Professor Eucalyptus took a Poke Ball from his pocket, and gave it to Ash. It had a small engraving on it that said, "the master". Ash began to laugh evilly. The power of the one
"Gwahahahaha!", Geovanny laughed manically, "I finally got rid of that lazy Pokemon, Pikachu! That boy thinks he has the power, but he in fact has nothing more than one of the weakest Pokemon in the entire game! The fact that it will never evolve due to the fact Ash is too stupid to know that it evolves with the help of a Lightningstone also makes it pathetic!". One of Geovanny's henchmen walked into the laboratory suspiciously. He saw Geovanny, and he greeted him with a slur of words:
"Oh hi Geovanny how are you I am good great to see you're doing well say has the boy got his Pokemon yet because I am really excited about this greatest evil scheme isn't so great yeah I know it's great..."
"Enough! ENOUGH!", Geovanny interjected. "I told you about swamping me with words! You're not supposed to do that! No cookie for you tonight!".
"Oh, please no, Geovanny, why me?" the henchman begged, "please let me have a cookie, THEY ARE SO YUM YUM!!!".
"If you want to have the yummy," Geovanny taunted maliciously, "don't be a dummy!".
Meanwhile, Ash Ketchup was wandering around Ballet Town, looking for Trainers for him to beat easily and gain EXP, which was the official currency in this region.
"Oh, look!", Ash exclaimed, "It's a Lightningstone! Too bad those are useless..." Ash walked away from the Lightningstone. The rejected Lightningstone shed a tear in agony.
"Hey," Ash mused, "I never checked what kind of Pokemon I got from Professor Eucalyptus!". He pressed a button on the Poke Ball, and he threw it into the air. Geovanny watched from his upstairs window. From the Poke Ball came a hulking, yellow mouse, who was ripped with muscle. Geovanny listened in horror as he heard it exclaim, "PEEKACHEW!".
"No, no!" Geovanny cried in terror, "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!". It was the worst day of Geovanny's life.
"Oh yeah!" Ash cried out in amazement, "I had no idea Professor Eucalyptus had a Pokemon as rare as Peekachew. Usually I'd expect him to give me something like a Pikachu, which are useless and lazy... I'm gonna go get my gym badges easily now!".
And with that, our hero, Ash Ketchup, walked off into the distance with his new-found Legendary Pokemon, Peekachew, while Geovanny screamed like a madman, "NO COOKIES FOR ANY OF YOU!".
