Pokemon: Awakening (Rewrite)

C

Crazy Weavile

I'm back!
Member
Prologue

The sand stretched endlessly onward, the uniformly golden color broken only by the shadow of the huge airship above.
The airship itself was flying low, making it easy for the round bodied, stumpy limbed, cactus-like Cacnea below to see the
long, silver wings on the black, open tube. "Are you really sure that it'll choose this dump?" asked a man in
green armor over a green robe, with a gas mask over his face. He also had long green hair and a deep, sad voice.

"Positive, Delianto. This is the place." replied a tall, sickly shadow on the monitor.

"Alright. Moore, get rid of that Omanyte. We can't sell that!" said Delianto.

"Yes sir," replied Moore. Moore was a fat, pale, man infamous among the Team Rocket ranks for being so stupid.

"Look! There it is!" said Delianto.

A mainly red birdlike Pokemon with feathers in every color of the rainbow on its wings and tail flew directly ahead of
them. Its shocking red eyes, massive size, and sharp beak showed its power.

"Ho-Oh." whispered Delianto.

Ho-Oh noticed them, and ran up to the sole weapon mounted on the airship, a small cannon.

"Now, Fire!" ordered Delianto.

"Alright, sir!" said the gunner, as he swung back his short black hair. He then pressed a button, which fired a string
with a Master Ball mounted at the end at Ho-Oh. The idea was that the ball would hit Ho-Oh, capturing it, and then the
rope would pull it back in. It worked perfectly. The ball hit and captured Ho-Oh, then was reeled in to a large, empty,
metallic chamber containing a tall, sickly man in a white tuxedo, with long white hair and glasses covering his blue eyes.
He picked up the purple and grey ball, and examined it, as if he expected to see a big hole in it.
"Hmm. This will be the perfect Cyber Pokemon," said the man. "Fly to Ever Grande. We have work to do." he said.

"Yes sir!" said the pilot in the seat in front of the gun- the only two items in the room. He then entered the exact
coordinates of the Cyber Pokemon Factory in Ever Grande, and they started moving.

Right as they passed over a mansion in Lilycove City, Moore dropped Omanyte's Pokeball out of the window.
 
Much better. Seems a little short, but it's a prologue, so I guess it's okay. Just make sure the first chapter isn't this short. :)
 
Thanks.

Chapter 1

A sky blue Pokemon with googly eyes, short tentacles, and a light grey, stone, spiral-shaped shell came out of the
Pokeball. As the male Pokemon scanned his surroundings, he noticed where he was. The grass was short and crisp,
and the brinstone path he was on lead to a concrete road, or a limestone gate. The Pokemon, an Omanyte, could smell the sea
air, and he could see the beach ahead. However, being a newborn, he couldn't swim. "Omanyte..." he sighed.
The baby Pokemon was missing his parents, and started crying. "Nyte! Omanyte!" he bawled. He went under the bench to sleep,
when he had finished.

The next morning, Omanyte woke up. He was hungry, but he couldn't hunt yet. He slowly walked onto the grass, and to a
dumpster, where he smelled food. He got to the green plastic box, and went inside, into the filth. "Linoone!" said the
Pokemon inside. It had a long, cream colored body, with brown stripes along its body and face. It had shocking blue eyes,
on a calm face with a thin mouth, and it had short, stubby legs.

"Nyte!" yelled Omanyte, not understanding that the Linoone was stronger.

"Linoone! Lin Linoone!" yelled the now-angry Linoone. It had been eating, and this intruder had demanded its food!
How dare him!

"Nyte!" yelled Omanyte, then he used his tentacles to squeeze Linoone. Linoone seemed more annoyed than pained,
and it broke out of Omanyte's grip and repeatedly fired sharp, stiff hairs at Omanyte, until Omanyte stopped moving.
"Nyte..." said Omanyte as he lost conciousness.

A tall, pale boy came out of the gate. He had calm blue eyes that looked like they contained the ocean, short, straight,
jet black hair, a sweatshirt with a big blue Pokeball design, and pants with mini Pokeball belts on them which contained
space for three balls each. He grumbled something under his breath while he carried a large brown bag.
"Hmnp. Stupid garbage." he muttered. He walked along the wall to the dumpster, and put the bag in, when he noticed the
Pokemon next to the dumpster. His fairly good knowledge of Pokemon species told him it was an Omanyte, and a male one.
He took out his Pokegear, imported from Johto, and called his parents. "Mom? This is Seth. I'll be gone for a while."
he said over the phone. "Wow. I never thought neglectful parents could be beneficial." he said afterwards.
He felt Omanyte's pulse, and found that it was barely breathing. "I have to hurry. It needs emergency medical attention!"
he thought. After picking it up, he ran down the road, past the luxury villas, scenic gardens, and smaller houses,
towards the red roofed, white metal building that was the Pokemon Center.

As he entered, he immediatly noticed the appaulling cream colored carpeting and pink wallpaper. He went to the emergency
window, and put Omanyte on the mahogany counter.

"What's wrong with him?" asked the nurse. She had a white dress, green eyes, and long green hair in a ponytail.

"I don't know. I found him by the dumpster, and he was barely breathing!" replied Seth.

"Oh dear. He needs help!" said the nurse as she put a mask connected to a respirator on Omanyte to keep him breathing.
She then took him to the back room, which was the emergency room.

In the emergency room, the nurse delivered Omanyte to a doctor in a full-body radiation suit.

"What's the diagnosis?" he asked.

"He's been beaten by wild Pokemon, Mr. Blunt." the nurse replied.

"Please, just call me Tom. But... I need him now." said the Doctor.

"Alright, Tom." the Nurse said as she gave Tom Omanyte and the respirator.

Tom took Omanyte to the aquarium, and Omanyte, upon getting in the tank, looked around. The tank had tiny pebbles on the
bottom, and outside it there was a metal room with areas for diffrent Pokemon. He noticed the tank had a grate releasing
medicine into the water. He cried a little, before noticing the food dish, which contained small pellets of Omanyte food.
After he ate, he went to sleep.

The next day, Seth got a call from the Pokemon Center. "Your Omanyte has made a full recovery!" said the nurse.

"Really? Great!" responded Seth. He got out of the oak bed, and got onto the red linen carpet. He gazed upon the
mahogany walls and full-wall aquarium, before getting a pair of clothes just like what he wore yesterday and putting
it on. Afterwards, he grabbed a prototype eraseable HM03, which contained Surf, and put it in his pocket. Then,
he went out the automatic marble double doors, and into the foyer. "Mom! Dad! I'm leaving now!" he said.

"That's nice." said his father.

Seth ignored him, and ran through the tile-floored room, into the garden. The garden had a large amount of Kelpsy
trees, which had long, shriveled Kelpsy berries growing on short trees. He ran out the limestone main gate, and back
onto the road towards the Pokemon Center. The houses and buisnesses looked pretty much the exact same, but he was ecstatic.
He was going to be a Pokemon Trainer! When he arrived, he went right up to the pickup line.

"Hello. Oh, you're the boy with the Omanyte! He's fine. I'll give him to you right away!" said the usual nurse in a perky
voice. She took a Pokeball marked "Patient 548" and let Omanyte out.

"Hey, little guy! I'm Seth, and I'm going to become a Pokemon Trainer! Want to come with me?" asked Seth.

"Nyte... Omanyte..." replied Omanyte with obvious fear in his tone.

"Nurse! My father's company makes the Pokemon Communicator, or Pokecom! Do you have one?" asked Seth.

"Yes. Here it is!" replied the nurse as she handed him the earpiece.

"Alright," said Seth as he put the Pokecom on. "Omanyte, why are you scared?" he asked.

"My old trainer... he... he..." Omanyte started crying.

"What did he do?" asked Seth.

"He abandoned me!" cried Omanyte.

"It's okay. I won't," said Seth. "Now, do you want to come with me?" he asked.

"Yes..." said Omanyte nervously.

Seth took off the Pokecom, and then decided to go show Omanyte the city.
 
A device that allows Pokémon to speak the human language is awesome. It's like:

Pikachu: "PIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKA"

Guy: "What? Little Timmy fell into the well? And it's 10 miles away?"

Pikachu: "PIKAPIKAPIIIIIIIIPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAPIKAKKAKAKAKAKAKAK"

Guy: "Gosh, let's go!!!!"

But really, all Pikachu wants is for the guy to get him some food. Bah.


All in all, this one is good. It could stand to be a little longer, but it wasn't two sentences long like before. Also good job not making everything happen in five seconds:

"It was a peaceful day in Cerulean City. The people screamed in terror as the meteors fell. Cyborgs rule the universe. The end."

I await the next chapter.
 
Thanks. But technically, the Pokecom just translates, rather than enabling the Pokemon to talk. Anyway, Chapter 2's going to be much better than the original. And, if nobody noticed, the prolouge is completely diffrent.

Chapter 2

"Omanyte, this building we just left is the Lilycove City Pokemon Center." said Seth as he left. He hadn't been able to
keep the Pokecom, not to say he hadn't tried. He sighed. He had thought that being a trainer would be all fun.
He hadn't expected to have to teach his Pokemon everything. Still, he knew he and his Pokemon would enjoy it either way.
His stomach rumbled, he was hungry. Of course, he knew every restaurant in town. He thought of one friendly to Pokemon...
The Johtoese Grumpig! It was a fancy Johtoese restaurant, and even served rare dishes designed for Pokemon!

"Hey, Omanyte! Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Nyte!" Omanyte said while nodding.

"Alright then. Mind if I go buy a Pokecom afterwards?" asked Seth.

"Oma!" Omanyte nodded.

"Alright. Let's go!" said Seth as he went down a turn, into the theater district. The road had the names of stars
engraved on it, and along the road, you could see theaters with neon lights galore, fancy restaurants, movie studios,
and malls, with no grass in sight. The normally cloudless sky was clogged with smog, and the streets
were littered with celeberties.Seth thought it looked more like a zoo, rather than a city, since all the
celeberties were wearing bizzare clothes.Case in point, one was wearing a gold plated vest over a black tank top and
ripped jeans. At any rate, Seth noticed his turn.
He made a left turn, into a shopping center made of concrete blocks. He went into the first shop on the left, and began
talking. "This is our stop!" he said to Omanyte. The room they had entered into had black marble flooring, white brick
walls, and a stone pedestal. At the stone pedestal, a man stood. He had grey, short hair in a bowl cut, and a
black tuxedo, which blended well with his brown eyes. He also looked rather old.

"Hello. I am Paul, and I am your waiter today. A table for how many?" asked the man.

"Two. One person and one Pokemon." replied Seth.

"Skylight Chamber, Stadium Chamber, or Aqua Chamber?" asked Paul.

"I'll ask Omanyte. Speak once if you want the Skylight Chamber, twice if you want the Stadium Chamber, or thrice if you want
the Aqua Chamber." said Seth.

"Nyte! Nyte! Nyte!" said Omanyte.

"Aqua Chamber." said Seth.

"Do you just want a table for one with an aquarium by it?" asked the waiter.

"Omanyte." said Omanyte as he nodded.

"Yeah." said Seth.

"Very well. Follow me." said Paul.
Paul guided Seth and Omanyte down a limestone staircase with streams of water behind the steel rails, lit by torches, until
the group arrived in a basement dining room. The room was a stone dome, with aquariums on the edges, and a fountain in
the center. Paul took them to a table at the other edge of the room. The table was a marble platform with an aquarium at
one edge, and statues of the Legendary Pokemon Lugia on either side. If the statues were anything to go by, Lugia
looked somewhat like a cross between a bird, a seal, and a dragon, with a birdlike form, dragonlike features, and wings
which could act as flippers. In addition, two odd spikes appeared on either side of its eyes.

"Sir, what would you like to order?" asked Paul.

"Oh! Sorry, the statues distracted me. Anyway... I guess I'll order some Fried Gold Berries as an appetizer, and a MooMoo
cheese pizza for my self. Omanyte, what do you want? He put a Pokecom on." said Seth.

"Nyte Oma Omanyte." said Omanyte.

"A Farfetch'd sandwich? I truely am glad we've got tissue cultures. And to drink?" replied Tom.

"Hmm... A MooMoo milkshake for me, and Berry Juice for Omanyte. Oh, and why wouldn't you have tissue cultures? Didn't they
decide that Pokemon slaughter was needless and illegal after they were invented?" replied Seth.

"Well, yes. But back when real meat was used, Farfetch'd was exorbinantly expensive." explained Paul.

"Oh." said Seth.

"Nyte Nyte Oma." said Omanyte.

"The younger sir has asked for Miracleberry Juice instead." said Paul.

"That's fine." said Seth.

"Very well." said Paul before leaving.

Seth looked at the roof, then noticed the ornate details. The center of the dome had a chandilier, and the dome consisted
of stacked, leaning stone rings, each becoming progressively smaller. The restaurant didn't have much buisness today,
it never did in the daytime. The staircase actually had double doors, which were opened. The side he could see had a
Milotic carved into each door, and it went into a gap until it reached the top of the dome. He waited a bit, imagining
that he was in a real battle with the current Pokemon League Champion. He wanted all kinds of rare Pokemon...

"Go! Dragonite!" he would say as he threw the dragon's Pokeball.
An orange...

"Sir, your food's done!" said Paul as he walked in.

Seth woke from his daydream, and noticed that Paul was already there.

"Your food, sir!" he said.

"Oh... I was daydreaming. Heh." said an embarressed Seth as he grabbed the tray.

"Here's the bill, sir." said Paul as he left the room.

Seth and Omanyte split up their food, and began their meals. Seth enjoyed the meal, as did Omanyte. When they went up the
stairs, they noticed they must be at least 5 stories belowground.

"Your bill, sir?" asked Paul as they walked upstairs.

"Uh, sure. Keep the change as a tip." said Seth as he handed an extremely large check to Paul and walked out the sliding
door.
 
I noticed. Anyway, there's really not much to say. It's longer, and better. That's the goal, isn't it?
 
This is great. I love the detail and humor in this fic. I can't wait for more. 8/10
 
It's pretty decent. However where is this story going? I do like the humor in the story and I think you should go into a little more detail about your surroundings, this would also help make the story longer.

Good Job :)
 
Note: Chapter 3 is a little short.

Chapter 3

The time spent inside the Johtoean Grumpig had been longer than it seemed. Despite going in during the afternoon,
the glossy stones of the sidewalk were glowing in the moonlight. Seth noticed the lit signs of the shopping center,
and saw one that was particularly interesting to him. "Lilycove PokeTech Emporium" it read, over a Pokedex emblem.
He decided to go inside.

Inside, the store was amazing. It had a royal blue carpet, walls painted a rich gold, and floodlights in an arched ceiling.
The walls were lined with every type of Pokemon related electronics possible, and the center had a huge booth for purchase,
layaway, and the like. The booth had Pokeball displays on it, and had solid oak counters. The counters were in gaps in the
wall. Seth went to the back, which was marked "Trainer Essentials". In it, he noticed several items which were truly
essential. Firstly, the Pokedex 3.5. It was a red, folding handheld, according to one of the pictures on the box. The
other picture showed it opened, and showcased the upgrades made during the revision. The entire base was used for the
screen, and the other side had a numerical pad, arrow keys, and a slot for plugging it up to a computer for upgrading.
In addition, the Pokenav was on display. The unit came in a black leather carrying case, and the display unit had
an "Enter" button, a "Cancel" button, an arrow pad, and a LCD screen. It was shaped like a gold teardrop.
Lastly, there was the Pokecom Trainer Edition. It wasn't much- just a pair of blue and grey headphones.
He picked up the items, and went to the counter, where he encountered a man in a silver gown, with reading glasses and
spiky, silver hair. "Hello. I'm your cashier today." said the man.

"Alright, I'd like to buy these and five Pokeballs." said Seth as he put the boxes on the counter. The cashier got five
of the red-and-white balls out of the locked display, and put them with the other items, then scanned them.

"5000 Pokemon Dollars." said the cashier. Seth got out his white latex wallet and took out a few notes.

"Keep the change." he said as he handed the notes to the cashier and took the grey plastic bag containing his items.
When he went out the glass double doors, he decided to set up his new Pokecom. He took the plain white box out of the
bag, and opened it, finding the around-ear headphones and text-only manual. He sighed. His father's company wasn't
exactly known for its design department. At any rate, he opened the manual, and started reading.

"Legal info, no... I'm not in the Sevii Islands... not from Johto... no, not Kanto... Aha! Hoennean Network Uplink!" he said
as he flipped to the page on network uplink in Hoenn.
"Huh? Crap! I have to get a license before any of this can be used, DUH!" he said as he put the headphones back up.
He checked the time on the clock tower in the southern sky, and noticed that the next License Test wouldn't be until
tomorrow.

Then, he went down the sidewalk, back onto the now-dark streets of the Theatre District. All the ligts were off,
and the crowds were gone, creating a surreal, peaceful atmosphere. He walked down the empty cobblestone road,
looking at the empty theatres and studios lining the streets. The concrete buildings loomed overhead, like a thousand
stone soldiers, all thirsty for a few people to keep them company. Seth walked on, knowing he wouldn't be welcome back home.
He looked for a cheap hotel, roaming the deserted streets. Then, a building with a lit sign appeared on the horizon.
"The Frozen Magcargo Inn", the sign read. The imposiblity of the situation described its cheapness- that was the slogan.
Seth went into the wooden cabin, and talked to the receptionist, in the middle of the rustic-looking wood chamber.
The receptionist was a young man with green eyes, a black tuxedo, and short brown hair.

"Welcome to the Frozen Magcargo Inn. where you can get a good room for a low, low price!" said the receptionist.

"Alright. I need a room for one night." said Seth as he handed a pile of notes to the man. The man took the notes and
gave Seth a key. Seth went into the wooden double doors, into the hollowed-out log used as a hallway, and to the door
of Room 005. He put the key into the bronze keyhole, and turned it, opening the way to his room. The hotel room
had a bed, TV, microwave, table, chair, and a bathroom stall in one wooden, cabin-looking room. Seth got into the
feathery, wooden bed, tucked the blue quilt over himself, and closed his eyes to go to sleep.
 
Hm. I see. See, this is something I would probably use as part of a chapter rather than an entire one.

Funny that the inn is called the Frozen Magcargo... since Magcargo can never be Frozen. Ha. Good stuff, good stuff.
 
Dude,HO-OH should be immossible to catch can't u make more realistic by making it something like Moltres or the Regis or even Entei?
 
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