paint flicker gemini quasi dehydrate asparagus SPELUNK (PG-dontreadcozitzbad4u)

Discussion in 'Beachfront Hangout' started by Heavenly Spoon, Feb 16, 2008.

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  1. Heavenly Spoon Just this guy, you know?
    Heavenly Spoon

    Advanced Member Member

    [​IMG]
    This is my very 1st fan-fic and I'm new to writing fan-fics so lease tell me if it's good because I really want to know because I'm doing my very best and I really think it's good and I think it's very original but what do you think?

    Chapter 1

    So Ash and Agatha were sitting in the McDonalds. They have been in love now for a very long time, and Agata has a big surprise!
    "Wadday 2 homies wanna drink", questioned the waiter
    "I don't know", questioned Ash
    "what do you want us to drink?" questioned Agatha
    "I donno, I'm a waiter at McDonalds, do you actually expect me to know anything?", questioned the waiter, and he walked away, and a tear rolled down his cheek, into his mouth. I tasted rather salty, but he quite liked the taste.
    And Ash questioned: "Agatha, will you marry me!"
    "I can't" talked Agatha.
    "Why not?", questioned Ash.
    "Because..."
    "Yes?", questioned Ash.
    "I'm..."
    "Yes?", questioned Ash.
    "I'm..."
    "-_-", questioned Ash.
    "PREGNANT!", talked Agatha.
    "Oh, ok, yes, we can't marry then", said Ash.
    "True", said Agatha, "the father of the baby should never marry its mother"
    "You're right", Said Ash, and he rubbed her stomach.
    "Oh, screw the rules, I'm marrying you, Ash!", talked Agata, and she rubbed her stomach.
    And everyone was so exited, even the waiter, and they all rubbed her stomach


    CHAPTER 2 coming soon :O
     


  2. dmaster Aspiring Trainer
    dmaster

    Elite Member Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    XD!!!

    Minor Spelling errors, loved the intro, lots of repitition, and the waiter's my new favorite character. Lol, they all rubbed her belly..Definately can't wait for more. :)

    dmaster out.
     
  3. B-Ray The Stuff of Legends
    B-Ray

    Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    wow.....this is great stuff there.....I hope this dosent get locked....funny.

    -Black Rayquaza
     
  4. bacon !!!!!
    bacon

    Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    I think the stark contrast between love and the cold food industry really helps you play out the characters to their full emotional limits, and the script was worthy of Shakespeare himself. Good job.
     
  5. Tails The Blonde Brainiac
    Tails

    Forum Mod Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    HEY ! HS, this is copyright infringement ! COPYRIGHT INFRINGMENT ! Just because I make a Dawn-Ash fic

    I think HS really wants me to have Dawn get pregnant again...
     
  6. Heavenly Spoon Just this guy, you know?
    Heavenly Spoon

    Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    Artistic freedom, the 1st amendment, you have nothing on me!

    Chapter 2 coming soon.
     
  7. Amt
    Amt

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    CHICKEN NUGGETS
     
  8. PMJ happy thoughts
    PMJ

    Articles Head Activities Staff Badges Staff Elite Member Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    GREAT STORY HOPE TO WRITE SOON.
     
  9. Tails The Blonde Brainiac
    Tails

    Forum Mod Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    If I have Dawn get pregnant again, will you lock this thread ? (There will be LOTS of stomach rubbing !)
     
  10. dmaster Aspiring Trainer
    dmaster

    Elite Member Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    I see the resemblance to Dawnfanboy's Fan-Fic..That's not really right, but since this one has more stomach-rubbing than Dfb's, I guess it's cool. :p

    EDIT: Thanks for shortening your font, Amt.

    dmaster out.
     
  11. Heavenly Spoon Just this guy, you know?
    Heavenly Spoon

    Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    Chapter 2

    They moved into a new house. Ash was rubbing Agatha's stomach.
    Agatha wanted to go see a doctor, and did, and she came back, and she said to Ash, "Ash", she said, "Ash, what shall we name the babies?"
    "Babies?!", questioned Ash.
    "Yes, we're having triplets", informed Agatha
    "Noooo!!!", screamed Ash, as he rubbed her stomach.
     
  12. Amt
    Amt

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    PMJ, BAOCN OR C-M. WHICH ONE OF YOU EDITED MY POST?
     
  13. dmaster Aspiring Trainer
    dmaster

    Elite Member Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    LOLOLOL!! Triplets instead of Twins. More Stomach-Rubbing. This Fan-Fic is EPIC.

    I had reported that post, Amt. :p

    dmaster out.
     
  14. Amt
    Amt

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    IT WAS PMJ. :O
    Lol, d master. ;P
     
  15. dmaster Aspiring Trainer
    dmaster

    Elite Member Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    Yeah, I Report and then I go back to find it fixed. PMJ works at the speed of light. Can't wait for more copyright-infringement worthy Fan-Fic Chapters, HS.

    dmaster out.
     
  16. bacon !!!!!
    bacon

    Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    Chapter 3

    ash was rubbing Agathas stomach when he had an idea
    "I know why dont we go on holiday to celebrate?" said ash.
    "where shall we go?" asked Agatha.
    "Well," said Ash, pulling out his Encyclopedia "we can always go to index"
    "thats a part of the book not a country ash"
    "oh"
    "what about England? They have tea over there"
    "ok" asked Agatha and they packed their bags and went to africa. Everyone forgot about Pikachu, who spent the next few weeks doing things that no-one should ever enquire about. Ever.

    Upon arriving in Greenland they met the hotel manager who was short and fat and wore a hat with lots of corks in.
    "Bonjour, here's your le key" he said in a welsh accent.
    "Thanks" said Ash, who took the key and gave it to Agatha.
    "May I interest you in some le German beer?" he asked
    "no thanks, this is a pokemon forum and we don't talk about that kind of thing"
    "What?"
    "never mind"
    "Ok"
    "bye"
    "bye"
    "le bye"

    They went in the hotel and it was good.
     
  17. GODZILLA Team Twilight 4eva \m/
    GODZILLA

    Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    I only read about... 4 lines. :)
     
  18. PMJ happy thoughts
    PMJ

    Articles Head Activities Staff Badges Staff Elite Member Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    c-m's was better
     
  19. dmaster Aspiring Trainer
    dmaster

    Elite Member Advanced Member Member

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    I thought this was HS's Fan-Fic. :( :S Not as good as the last one, but jet skis FTW.

    dmaster out.
     
  20. Amt
    Amt

    RE: You can't live without me (Diamondshipping PG55+)

    xD
     
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