Writing Liam Sanders: Judgement

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Hello my fans, this story isn't finished and it's the second book in a trilogy i just wanted to know what you think and how i could improve it...

Liam Sanders: Judgement

Five foot nine, short brown spiky hair, a couple of spots, football crazy, girl mad, a typical fourteen year old lad, right; Apart from the fact that the fate of the world rests in his hands. It has been a year since Liam first discovered he was different from other people, he was able to do many marvellous and wondrous things, but now a year on it is time for Judgement.

As Liam lied on his bed he thought about what his mum had told him a few months earlier, “Your father was like you, he could do amazing things too, but when you were born he feared that I and you were in danger so he left and I’ve never seen him since,” he remembered her saying, then he remembered what he was told by Yehal, a beautiful girl from another dimension, a few weeks ago, “Soon it will be Judgement, and you will have to decide the fate of not only your world but thousands of worlds” then his mind wondered of to his lips pressing against Yehal’s, blood red, beautiful luscious lips, “Liam” his mum called, if only that did happen, he thought bitterly as he stomped down the stairs. “Please can you feed Oscar?” she asked, as the brown, orange and white tabby cat pushed it’s silver bowl to Liam’s feet, “Alright” Liam replied, as he filled Oscar’s bowl he thought about what Yehal had said, “Soon it will be Judgement, and you will have to decide the fate of not only your world but thousands of worlds”,
“I’m going for a walk” Liam yelled to his mum after he finished filling Oscar’s bowl, as he walked out the door he let it slam behind him.

“It all started at that football match I was about to score a goal, then I was fighting a giant fifteen foot tall monster, then I was back at the football match” he mumbled to himself, thinking of the reptilian creature and the football match. As he turned into another street he thought, I’ll visit Yehal, as he jumped from his dimension to Yehal’s dimension. When he got to Yehal’s dimension he looked across the wasteland, he started to walk across the vast baron rocky wasteland, under the blazing heat of the two purple suns, the heat was unbelievably unbearable it was like walking through a fire, but still he walked on looking for Yehal’s village, after what seemed like hours and hours of torture, he saw the village. He walked into the busy bustling market, he came to Yehal’s stone house, as he knocked on the door, Yehal answered the door, her beautiful raven black hair portraying her angelic face, with those blood red lips, and her darkly tanned skin, “Hi Liam, come in” she told him, Liam walked into the shady house, decorated with many ornaments, “So, why did you come to see me?” Yehal asked,
“Well I…I…came to…to…um, ask you about, about…Judgement?” he stuttered, thinking about Yehal's beautiful lips,
“I’ve already told you about it” she replied,
“Well is there anything else, like when it will be exactly, what I’m meant to do and stuff like that?” he asked,
“There is no way of knowing when it will happen, but you will know when it is time and what to do” she replied, after she had finished talking her eyes and Liam’s eyes met, they started to lean closer to each other, tilting there heads to the sides, there hearts starting to race, there breathing becoming more frantic, “Yehal!” Yehal’s mum called as she walked into the hut, Liam and Yehal pulled away from each other quickly, “Oh, hi Liam staying for lunch?” Yehal’s mum asked when she saw Liam,
“No I’ve got to get going” Liam replied as he left, when he got outside he breathed a sigh of relief, as all the time he was in there he just wanted to kiss Yehal so much, he then jumped back to his dimension, “Oh man” he groaned as he looked down and realised he was now on top of a five story building.

When he finally got home all he wanted to do was go to his bedroom, “Liam where have you been?” his mum asked him,
“Nowhere mum” he replied angrily as he thundered up the stairs and into his room, he pulled out his football from underneath his bed and started doing keepy-upys, “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…” he counted to himself, “Fifty-five, Fifty-six, Fifty-seven, Fifty-eight, Fifty-nine, Sixty” he finished off, he put the football back under his bed, then he flopped on his bed; outside the window the sun set as Liam fell into a deep, deep slumber. The next day when he woke up the sun was glaring through his window; he looked at his digital clock, eleven thirteen Sunday, he read as he got off his bed, he spent most of the day messing about with his football and thinking about what would soon happen to him.

The next day as he woke up Liam had this strange feeling but he pushed it to the back of his mind as he got ready for school, he left before his mum could say anything, another normal day, he thought as he walked to school, as he entered the school gates Big Tony and his goons ran away as fast as there legs could carry them when they saw Liam; Liam remembered the last time Big Tony and his goons tried to beat him up, he sent them running home with no hair left. As the day started Liam just got on with it, Maths was as gruelling as ever, and then he had French, Liam could hardly understand a single word of it, after break he set of to Geography; Mr. Sampson was explaining something about the climate and precipitation, what the hell that was, Liam did not know, but Liam was not paying attention properly, he had the same feeling he had this morning, he did not know what it was but he just had this strange feeling, then in the blink off an eye everything was gone. As he opened his eyes he saw two swirling vortexes, one was pitch black, the other one was white, then he noticed two statues one in front of each vortex, one statue was black, the other one white, “Are you ready?” the black one asked in a gruff voice,
“Ready for what?” Liam asked,
“Ready for Judgement” the white one replied in a womanly voice,
“You know what the consequences of your actions are?” asked the black one,
“Yes” replied Liam,
“Then you are ready” said the white one,
“War, famine, death, hate and destruction is what the world is” boomed the black one,
“Beauty, wonder, life, love and creation is what the world is” echoed the white one,
“So which one is correct?” they both asked, as Liam began to think he thought of Yehal and her angelic appearance, her kind nature,
“The world is a beautiful place” he began to mutter,
“Then you are,” both statues began,
“Wait, wait” Liam begged,
“An answer is final” said the black statue,
“Wait please, give me another chance; the black one is correct but so is the white one…I’ve got to keep my mind clear…the world is both but I have to choose one or do I …well say the world was a person” then it struck Liam, he hoped beyond hope that he was correct as he answered “You are both right” and with that both statues crumbled away and the next thing he knew he was falling from the sky.

When he woke up he was staring at a reddish brown ceiling, he turned his head and saw Yehal sitting beside him, “I did it” he told her,
“You mean?” Yehal asked overjoyed,
“I did it” he replied, and with that they fell into each other’s embrace where there lips met with a passionate kiss, it was better than Liam had ever imagined it would be and to call it a kiss would be an insult to what they both felt, the feeling was so amazing it was indescribable, they wished they could stay like that, in each other’s embrace forever, but as Liam pulled away he asked “How long have I been here for?”,
“About an hour and a half” Yehal replied, then Liam got of the bed and went back to his dimension, luckily he landed right outside his front door, he looked up at the star speckled sky and knew that he was in trouble, he lifted up his left arm to open the door when a searing pain shot through it, “Have to get that looked at” he muttered as he opened the door with his right arm. As he walked into the living room he was greeted by, “Where have you been, the school rang me, you missed half of the school day, and not to mention school finished three hours ago” his mum ranted furiously,
“I did it, Judgement” he just said in response coolly, his mum’s attitude changed instantly, the anger and frustration on her face changed to sorrow and sympathy as her eyes filled with tears,
“I’m so, so sorry, I…I didn’t know” his mum sobbed into her hands,
“It’s all right mum everything is brilliant, just brilliant” Liam told her, remembering the amazing kiss he had just shared with Yehal.
Although unbeknown to them, there is many more wonderful but dangerous adventures and challenges to come for, Liam Sanders.
 
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