Writing Keyblade chronicles (Fan-fic)

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superbla96

I Know Ryu-fu!!
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welcome to Keybladechronicles!

Maker. superbla96 or SB96
helper-Likght manaphy

actors-Matt-SB96
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ok heres chapter 1

Chapter one:What is it?

Matt was sitting on his porch in traverse town(Matt is a 13 year old boy with medium brown hair and traverse town is a town filled with kids and barely any adults!). just sitting there, watching everyone go by. Ocassionally someone would stop and stare but it didn't bother Matt. Matt's best friend Luke came by(luke is 14 and has short blonde hair.) "Hey dude what's wrong? Usually you always want to play!" said Luke. "I just don't feel right today. I got a weird feeling in my gut. Something strange is gonna happen today." said Matt. "Sometimes you can be really strange, dude" Luke said. "Yeah whatever." said Matt. Later that night, Matt was standing in his backyard, watchng shooting stars."Whoa, that one's coming in fast! Wait! thats not a star!" suddenly, the star was a black meteor, and monsters jumped out! "AHHHHHHHHH! What is this?" he looked in his hand and there was a huge key in his hand!
END OF CHAPTER ONE!
 
Okay, time for some constructive criticism:

Way too short. 6 lines will not get you far Im sorry to say. No action. You could describe the characters a little bit, it helps to get a vision of them. The goal of stories are to get people to understand stuff. Now, the readers wont know if Matt is like a 9 foot, 755 pound giant or a teeny weeny baby. You know what I mean, describe the characters so the readers get the vision in their heads. You should also describe where they are.

My two cents.
 
Its not rude. Its called constructive criticism. All Im trying to basically say to him is make it a bit longer and describe the characters and places a bit so you can understand who they are and where they are.
 
One, this really wasnt a chapter it was more of an intro. like a prologue. the real action comes in the next chapter. I do all my fan fics like this
 
NOOO I refuse! Keyblade is copyright of Square! Just joking...
Name:Sora
Background: Lives in Destiny Islands and is a keyblade master chosen to destroy the heartless.

If you did get keyblade of Kingdom Hearts, join my club!
http://www.pokebeach.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=22028
 
superbla, no thankyou, I dont want to be a character. But, I can read each of your chapters and tell what each one needs to make it even better next chapter. How does that sound ?
 
OK heres chapter 2

Chapter 2:Was it real?

Matt realized he would have to use this giant key he had, as one black monster jumped toward him, he swung his blade and ssliced it in half! "Whoa! Awesome!" he said as one hit him in the back, "Hey!" He spun around and hit it with his keyblade. After what felt like hours to him of fighting monsters, a huge one came out of the meteor! "AHHH!!!!!!" He tried his best to fight off the monster, but he failed, The huge monster constantly sent out the smaller ones to kill matt, but he could defeat those with his keyblade. And finally, the monster picked Matt up and right when it was about to eat him, he woke up! "AHHHH!!! was it real, or a dream, what about te keyblade?" Then he leaned back in his bed, and slept.
END OF CHAPTER SORRY IF ITS SHORT!
 
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