Fun Dravinator's Bidoof Only Run: Diamond


Aspiring Trainer

Hello! I am starting my Bidoof only run in Pokemon Diamond! I will be using a starter until I can get a Bidoof. I will also be using other Pokemon for HMs, but they will not use moves with any effect.

This is not a nuzlocke!

Professor Rowan: Welcome to the world of *extreme mashing of A button*... Oh... You've done this before... Are you a boy or a girl?

Me: I'm a Bidoof.

Professor Rowan: I'll take that as a boy! What is your name?

Me: Bidoof.

Professor Rowan: Uhm... Okay? What is your friend's name?

Me: Bidoof. (I'm sorry)

Professor Rowan: *turns to camera* Is he serious?

Me: I can hear you.

Professor Rowan: Well then, leap into the world of Pokemon, and I'll see you when we bump into an edgy blue haired guy on a lake! (Oh wait, wrong game)

I wake up in my room watching the news about a Red Gyarados. I run downstairs (or I would if I had running shoes yet) to see my mom waiting there.

Mom: Bidoof!

Me: *distorted cry*

Mom: Quit imitating a Bidoof and go see Bidoof, Bidoof!

I walk to Bidoof's house and almost ring the doorbell when- THUD!!!!!!

Bidoof: Hey Bidoof!

Me: You just slammed into me...

Bidoof: So? Come to the lake! If you're late, I'm fining you a million dollars!

Me: Ugh, why are you like this?

Bidoof: *running away* I can't understand you, I don't speak late!


Bidoof: Wait! I forgot to take literally anything!

Bidoof grabbed his bag and decided to change his fine to 10 million before running off like a gazelle. I soon followed (still without running shoes, ugh) and realized Bidoof wants to catch the elusive Red Gyarados at the lake.

Me: We have no Pokemon or Pokeballs to catch the Gyarados, Bidoof!

Bidoof: Bidoof, what was the last word you said?

Me: Bidoof?

Bidoof: Exactly! We are the Pokemon! Lets go!

The walk to Verity Lakefront was a tedious three and a half hours without running shoes, and when we reached the lake there was an old dude and a young girl.

Old Dude: Something is different about this lake, but I can't quite place my finger on it...

Gyarados: *jumps out of the water* Do you mean me!?

Old Dude and Young Girl: Aieeee!


(That obviously did not happen, Pokemon can't talk!)

Here is what actually happened:

Old Dude: Something is different about this lake, but I can't quite place my finger on it... It is enough that we have seen it. Come Dawn, let's go.

Dawn: Professor, how are you enjoying being back in Sinnoh?

Professor Rowan: It has been pretty good, but these two idiots named Bidoof... Oh! Speak of the devils...

Me: Hey, you're the old geezer who judged me for naming my friend Bidoof!

Bidoof: Yeah! Wait, you named me this?

Me: Yeah, sorry.

Professor Rowan: Let us pass, please.

Me and Bidoof: Ok.


Bidoof: That girl was nic- *SLAP*

Me: We have a job to do! They left their briefcase behind, so we need to give it back!

Bidoof: Ooh, Pokemon! Can we keep th-

A group of Starly fly in, cornering me and Bidoof.

Me and Bidoof: Let's grab the Pokemon from the briefcase!

I take Piplup because Torterra is the only starter that has no super effective STAB or resistance to normal type, so it will be easiest to fight as a Bidoof. (I'm normally a Chimchar guy though)

I fight the Starly without an item, Pokemon, or flee option to select. I wonder what they want me to do?

I use Pound for half of Starly's health, and Starly used Tackle for 1 damage. I used Pound again and the Starly had fainted. First Pokemon battle won!

Bidoof thinks his Turtwig is tougher than my Piplup, but he is wrong.

Finally, my game froze. I had gone on a hike and left it on, so that was probably the most likely factor. I will have to make it to that point again, but it was a short trek.

Dawn: There's the briefcase! Did you use the Pokemon inside?

Bidoof: *throws Pokeball into water* Uh... No...

Dawn: That Pokeball is empty. Turtwig is beside you, stupid. The professor will be furious! I'll take the briefcase and the Pokemon. *walks away*

Bidoof: What was that about?

Me: What would you do if somebody used your Pokemon, huh?

Bidoof: True... Bidoof, let's get out of here.

I hope you all liked part one (even though there was one battle, and no Bidoof yet)! Let me know if you think there is anything I should change! :)
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Retired retired Mod. Jovimohnaeliackvid.
Oof, I agree with Bidoof on picking Turtwig

Excited to see how the Bidoof run goes! Love the humor you have in your lines, especially when Bidoof was surprised you named him! :p

Brave of you to tackle such a majestic Pokemon, Bidoof is the best of doofs.
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Scattered mind

Competitive VG Forums Mod
Forum Mod
Very enjoyable read! The Bidoof playthrough can go insane with the humor throughout the storey line.
Can't wait to get to the part with the real Bidoof.


Aspiring Trainer
Bidoof Diamond Part 2:

I walk away from Verity Lakefront with my friend, Bidoof, and run into the professor and Dawn.

Bidoof: Hey, it's those people! Is that old guy staring at us?

Me: Yeah, because you're so pretty. We just used their Pokemon!

Bidoof: Oh, right. It's been a little while since the last chapter, I forgot.

Professor: Dawn says you used our Pokemon, is that right?

Bidoof: No, what makes you think that?

Dawn: *facepalm* Turtwig is beside you again, so don't pull any of that.

Professor: Why does Turtwig's back have "Bidoof wuz here" in black and white spray paint?

Bidoof: I didn't do it, I promise!

Me: *snickers*

Professor: I'm going back to my lab! Come Dawn!

Dawn: Wait up! *turns to Bidoof and Bidoof* You should come visit our lab sometime. Ok, see you!


Bidoof: If he was angry, he should have yelled at us... They didn't even want their Pokemon back... Let's go home, I've had enough craziness today.


Mom: What a story! I am glad none of you are hurt! I think you should visit Professor Rowan in Sandgem Town to explain why you had to use his Pokemon.

Me: I don't want to use the Professor's pokemon... How will I get there without using them?

Mom: Endurance and sheer will. Just leave. Oh, have some Running Shoes!


Me: Whatever, they're not my colour. *dying of excitement inside*

Mom: Press the B button and dash further than ever before!

Me: Mom... We're not in a video game, there is no B button!


I run out the door, then I run through the town, then I run through the tall grass (I love this). I am not sure how many ways you can say "I used Pound and they all died" so I will just say that I made it through unscathed.

I found a Bidoof! But I have no Pokeballs! Great...

Dawn brings me to the lab, but a surprise occurs...


Bidoof: Oof! I think I have more brain damage than I did before!

Me: Great...

Bidoof: I like this professor guy! He's a cool dude! Not surfer guy level, but he's pretty up there. Whatever, later! *runs as fast as The Flash outta there*

Dawn: Your friend is a nut.

Me: Yup, I'm aware.

I enter the lab and approach Professor Rowan.

Professor: Welcome, Bidoof was it?

Me: How could you forgot a name like that?

Professor: Trust me, my memory is not as bad as one of my friends. Crazy Oak forgot his grandson's name! How could you forget a name like Satan?

Me: Alright, you got me there.

Professor: Can I see your Pokemon?

*passes Piplup*

Professor: Mwahahahaha! You just handed Piplup over to Team Rocket! *rips off lab coat like Superman to reveal a large R* I am Giovanni, who are you? Oh wait, a dead man. Jessie, get him.

Dawn reveals herself as Jessie, a Team Rocket member who is notorious for failing to successfully capture a single Pikachu (until they defeated Ash over 20 years after they started trying, but that story is for another day)

Jessie: Koffing, use Smoke Screen, then use Toxic!

I faint due to the effects of the attacks, and I wake up with a bright light in my eyes.

This obviously did not happen, I just wanted to get creative.

Professor: Can I see your Pokemon?

*passes Piplup*

Professor: My my, it seems to like you! Keep my very rare Pokemon, insulent child!

Me: I just want a Bidoof...

Professor: Go catch your own Bidoof! Speaking of Bidoof, Bidoof said you battled well, despite it being your first time. I want to entrust Piplup to you because I believe there is a bond forming.

Dawn: I'm so glad you are kind toward Pokemon! If you weren't, I'd have to... Oh, I jusy can't say it...

Me: Whoa, was that a threat?

Dawn: C'mon, wanna scrap, huh?

Professor: Break it up! There is something I want you to so for me.

Me: Shoot, doc.

Professor: I want to know what kinds of Pokemon live in the Sinnoh region. To do this, I need to collect data using the Pokedex. Would you take this Pokedex and explore the Sinnoh region?

Me: I kinda need to to progress the story, so, sure, whatevs.

Professor: I am glad you are going into this with such a great attitude! You and Dawn both have Pokedexes, so feel free to share data. (That should be a feature)
Go explore this amazing world, yadda yadda yadda.

Dawn: My first Pokemon was a Chimchar at the lake! If you chose that, we would be twinsies! See you around!

(I now know that this text never differs other than the Pokemon, as when I played as Chimchar she picked Turtwig)

I attempted to save, but the data could not be written and the game crashed. I restarted and tried again, getting to the point where Dawn guided me around town, showing me the Pokemon Center and Poke Mart (I miss them being separate) as well as telling me I should ask my mom if I could leave. I attempted to save again and it worked!

I healed at the Pokemon Center, then I bought 5 Poke Balls. I was ready to catch Bidoof.

I ran from a Starly, then I found her. My partner. I used Pound twice, then I caught her on the first try. I named her what any sane person who has watched Pokemon Rusty would; PNUTBUTTER. (Hi Dorkly) This was too good a name to pass up. The 10 letter cap sucks, but I made it work.

So, that was part two! I finally caught my partner for this run; a level 2 PNUTBUTTER. I have you have a blast reading this!
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Retired retired Mod. Jovimohnaeliackvid.
PNUTBUTTER is the hero we need in this trying time. Love the story twists and then twists back to normal, it's fun to get played like that while reading :)

Also the running shoes button remaining on in the HGSS interface was such a good idea, I still miss how perfect everything was. Bidoof in Johto?


Aspiring Trainer
Bidoof Diamond Part 3:

I run to Route 202 and get turned around by Dawn. She somehow knew I didn't ask my mom to leave. With the knowledge that Dawn is actually psychic type, I ran back to Route 201 and battled to level up PNUTBUTTER.

I used Piplup for the first battle because Bidoof's health was getting low. This part mainly consisted of going to the Pokemon Centre, battling, repeat.

Bidoof reached Level 4 and Piplup was banished to the PC until I need Surf. I also caught a Starly for later on when I need Fly, and he was also banished to the PC.

I set my game to Text Speed: Fast and Mode: Set because I forgot to do that at the start.

Once Bidoof reached Level 6 (which surprisingly took a little while, I forgot how slow the battles were), I went to tell my mom I was leaving forever.

Mom: Oh, that's great that Professor Rowan asked you to go on an adventure across Sinnoh! *maybe it will finally be quiet in this house*

Me: I heard that!

Mom: I know. Here is a going away gift!

*passes Journal*

Me: What do I do with this?

Mom: You take a pen and write with it, dear.

Me: Can't I use QuickMemo+ on my LG G4? (not sponsored)

Mom: If you don't want it...

Me: All it does is get annoying when SRing for legendaries...

Mom: You have no choice. Take it.

*obtained Journal!*

Me: What was that?

Mom: What?

Me: Did you hear that?

Mom: No...

*Bidoof put the Journal in the KEY ITEMS Pocket*

Me: That!

Mom: I think you should be in a psych ward instead of exploring Sinnoh...

Me: Whatever, bye!

*woman enters door*

Bidoof's Mom: Is my little Bidoof here?

Mom: No, he's not...

Bidoof's Mom: Oh... He must have left already...

Me: Oh, Dawn didn't make him talk to his mom...

Mom: Quit grouching and go, Bidoof! Take this to give to Bidoof!

*obtained Parcel*

Me: How do you not hear that!?

Bidoof's Mom: Is he mental?

Mom: I've been wondering that myself...

Me: Later!

I leave for Route 202, marvelling about the amazing journey I am about to embark on. The one Starly I faced stood no chance against the almighty PNUTBUTTER and her (yes, her) god-like Tackle.

I meet with Dawn at the cusp of Sandgem Town and Route 202, and she showed me how to catch a Pokemon.

Dawn: Hey Bidoof! You look stupid enough to not know how to catch a Pokemon, so follow my lead!

Me: ... The only Pokemon in my party is a Bidoof... Which I caught...

Dawn: So what? It's standard protocol. Just watch my minute long tutorial starring my Chimchar!

What appears next is unbelievable... A SHINY STARLY!!! She catches it and flaunts it in my face, singing "Na Na Na Boo Boo, Stick Your Head In Doodoo." I was furious.

I rip the Starly out of her Pokeball and run off, leaving Dawn heartbroken. She though I was her friend, but I'm really a Pokemon smuggler. I sneak shiny Pokemon across the Sinnoh-Unova border and sell them for big money, but I never said I was honourable.

I cross the border on my Level 69 (nice) Staraptor using Fly, then I settle in Driftveil City. Clay is a part of the smuggling job too (and he's also filthy rich), so he buys the Starly off me for an even $5 million.

I live the rest of my life in a waterfront beachhouse, drinking the most expensive wine and having a beautiful boat, (What, you thought I was gonna say wife? Let's be real here, I'm just a smuggler, a 10 year old non-charismatic smuggler) living filthy rich without any regrets. A 10 year old with his own beachhouse? You couldn't pass that up.

That wasn't what really happened of course, but this is;

After what felt like an hour long tutorial starring Dawn's Chimchar (where she caught a REGULAR Starly), I was finally able to continue with my journey.

(I won't be grinding much yet, as this part of the adventure is easy as pie, but later on I will really need to pack on the grinding)

A Shinx appeared, and it was tempting to catch it, but I have to forbid Luxray from my team.

A few Pokemon Center trips were taken (critical hits, ugh) as well as a PokeMart trip, where I got some Potions.

Multiple trainers had fallen before I got the perfect Bidoof to Level 8 (one Level 3 Bidoof got PNUTBUTTER to 1HP with 3 critical hits), but the battles ended when I arrived in Jubilife City.

Dawn: Are you catching any more Pokemon?

Me: Nope, I'm doing a Bidoof only run!

Dawn: Cool! You should go to the Trainer's School, because I think you need education. You've never been to school, right?

Me: Nope, I've been cooped up in my hometown forever.

Dawn: Well, you'll probably meet double of Twinleaf Town's population in that school!

Me: No doubt. Don't catch any shinies while I'm gone!

I don't go to the Trainer's School, but I instead immediately make a beeline for the next route, Route 204, where I battle the inhabitant trainers. (Because why not)

One Youngster believed his Dad gave him amazing Pokemon, but one of them could only use Splash.

PNUTBUTTER demolished each trainer, destroying their dreams with the only move that matters; Tackle.

The Level 9 PNUTBUTTER learned Defense Curl, which is really just a slightly better Growl in her case.

The end of the Route encompassesthe Ravaged Path, which I remember being blocked by boulders from Platinum, so I turn back to Jubilife City after grabbing an Antidote and encountering a Level 6 Zubat.

Part Three comes to an unfortunately abrupt end. I would usually prefer not to end a post by encountering a Zubat.

Less dialogue will most likely continue throughout this journey (at least until Dialga) as there is less conversation.
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Aspiring Trainer
I enter Jubilife City from Route 204 and make a beeline for the Trainer's School, as I remember hearing Bidoof was there. (at least I think I'm in the Trainer's School, I never really paid any attention to it before)

Bidoof wasn't there, so I searched for the real Trainer's School. I arrived at the Trainer's School (seriously this time) and GuEsS wHo I fOuNd!? If you guessed Bidoof, slather me with butter and call me a bagel.

Bidoof: Hey Bidorkus, what are you doing here? I thought you were too cool for school!

Me: Well, I'm not here for education, I'm here to deliver your parcel.

Bidoof: My what?

Me: *sigh* Your baggy bag...

*passes Baggy Bag*

Bidoof: Score! It's a Town Map! Wait, why are there two in here?

Me: Well, obviously one is for you to keep, and one is for you to eat!

Bidoof: Ha. Ha. Ha.

Me: One is for you, one is for me.

Bidoof: Alright, here you go.

*passes Town Map*

Me: Thanks!

*Bidoof put the Town Map in the KEY ITEMS Pocket*

Me: How come I'm the only one who can hear that?

Bidoof: Your mom is right, you should be in a psych ward. Oh well, the map says Oreburgh City is the closest place to go next. They have a Rock type Gym too, so good luck beating that with a Bidoof!

Me: See you around!


Bidoof: Hey... That's my line...

I leave the Trainer's School and walk past the Pokemon Center when a strange man approaches me.


???: Oh, oh, oh?

Me: Wut?

???: You call yourself a Pokemon Trainer, and yet you have no Poketch? (Pokemon Watch)

Me: I don't need fancy schmancy electronics to be a Pokemon champion, I just need my Bidoof!

Poketch Salesman: Well, it's free.

Me: You have a new customer! Sign me up!

Poketch Salesman: You have to find three clowns around town and answer their quizzes to get this lit watch.

Me: Clowns? *Supernatural flashback*

Poketch Salesman: They won't beat you up, Sam!

Me: You mean Son?

Poketch Salesman: I don't care if your name is Sam, Son, Jimbo, or Sonny Jim Boy Jimbo, just go get that Poketch!

I proceed in the Poketch quest by interacting with some weird clowns, asking questions preschoolers could answer such as "Can a Pokemon hold an item?" and "Just like Pokemon types, the moves of Pokemon also have types?" (also, that last clown isn't great with grammar)

I couldn't find the final clown for the longest time because of the glare on my DSi screen in the car (for anyone concerned, it's not the car that broke down last time), but I finally found him in the middle of the road in front of the Poke Mart.

"Does a Pokemon grow by defeating others and gaining Exp. Points?"

The word "grow" may not be well used here, as some Pokemon never evolve and therefore never gain any height or other physical traits, but their stats do raise, so I'll say yes. I think stronger would be a better word here, but grow works.

"Ding-ding! You're absolutely correct!"

Thanks clown man, I appreciate it.

I approach the Poketch salesman with intent of getting a free watch, but his newly acquired hunched posture and slightly nervous figure unsettles me.

Me: So, I answered those easy questions from the clown, you got the watch?

Poketch Salesman: I was hoping that would take longer... I'll be right back.

Me: *lifts black object out of pocket enough to be visible* No, you're staying right here.

Poketch Salesman: Wh-wh-whadda you want, kid? Money? Watches? I'll do anything, just don't hurt me!

Me: Both sounds great.

Poketch Salesman: *opens wallet* Let's see, I've got-

Me: Whoa, a $500 EBGames gift card! I'll take that instead! You got an Edge Platinum card too?

Poketch Salesman: Yeah... But I need that... My kid's birthday is coming up and-

Me: Well, mine is too, and I could really use a boost. I'll take those, keep your stupid watches.

I go around the corner to the conveniently placed EBGames and buy a Nontondo Swontch (copyright) with Spuper Mayro Mayker 2 for when I go to other cities with PNUTBUTTER (first mention of her, wow. no battles yet either).

So, that's the story about how I got a Nontondo Swontch by talking to creepy clowns and threatening a man with a Black 3DS!

which didn't actually happen btw, this is what happened

I approach the Poketch salesman and request my Poketch in return for the tickets from the clowns. I get my Poketch and change it from the clock (which was 12 hours off) to the party HP tracker.

I leave for Route 218 to Oreburgh City, and I soon realize that it's not the right route, so I re-enter Jubilife and leave through the right side of the city; Route 203. Bidoof was there, and he challenged me to a Pokemon battle. I personally thought he was more of a Yu-Gi-Oh! guy, but I was wrong.

*Did I grind enough?*

My level 9 PNUTBUTTER fought Bidoof's level 7 Starly and level 9 Turtwig, and while you may think I was underleveled, I only had to use 2 Potions because yeah I was underleveled Bidoof's Pokemon hit a critical hit each, one of which hitting a whopping 20 damage. (I won, if you couldn't tell. Good job PNUTBUTTER)

Bidoof: Waah! What do you mean I lost to a Bidoof!

Me: Who are you talking about? Me or PNUTBUTTER?

Bidoof: I'm talking about myself. *sarcasm alert* Of course I'm talking about your Pokemon!

Me: Well, no need to be a-

Bidoof: I'm gonna beat the Oreburgh Gym, then I'm gonna be the Champion!

Me: Lol, sure.

Bidoof: See you around!

I grinded with my now level 10 PNUTBUTTER, getting her to level 12, but not before buying 4 Potions, bringing my total number to 7 Potions (if you need to ask how many I had before, I think you need to go back to school).

How one of the many visits to the Pokemon Center during this grinding session was very strange, and it also "influenced" my Pokemon career path.

Nurse Joy #47: Would you like to rest your Pokemon?

Me: No, I'd rather see her suffer. Of course!

Nurse Joy #47: That'll be $500.

Me: WHAT!?

Nurse Joy #47: Pokemon healthcare has been privatized.

The three other citizens in the Pokemon Center heard this statement and joined me in locking Nurse Joy #47 in a closet, and while many other Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny tried to stop us, nobody could stop the wrath of Bidoof, Schoolkid Jimmy, Youngster Sally, and Ace Trainer Mary.

We soon realized that the closet capacity was 30 people, and that we couldn't fit all 83 Nurse Joys and 34 Officer Jennys in the same closet, so we told some other boys to come out of their closets so we could heal our Pokemon freely.

I took it upon myself to take over the Pokemon Center, forcing my employees to look exactly like me to create the illusion that we were similar to the Nurse Joys. (Oh yeah, most of them also worked for relatively low wage. Not many people use the online services anymore, so they just sit there on their phones.)

That story didn't happen unless you played some bootleg Pokemon game, in which case you had a weird childhood.
So, guess who lied about less dialogue?

It's been a while, but I'm glad I got back to this.

Also, there is two "not real" story sections. I felt somewhat creative.
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Aspiring Trainer
Looking back on this, I'm amazed that I was able to stretch such a small section of a game into 4 parts. I assure you that the rest of this journey will be somewhat reasonably paced, unfortunately at the cost of dialogue (as long as I can control myself). Seeing as it took me 4 hours to clear that section of the game while writing the script, I would say that it is quite a time sink. In the pursuit of efficiency, I will try to provide brief summaries in the future.

PNUTBUTTER is still fine, even after over half a year of patiently waiting for Bidoof (Me! Just in case you forgot.) to return to Pokemon Diamond. The Level 12 Pokemon was raring to go to Oreburgh City, but first she would have to battle some trainers on the next route, which had a cave section as well as a grassy area.

Spoiler: They posed absolutely no challenge whatsoever. The almighty Tackle strikes again. A hiker gave me HM06: Rock Smash, which will be VERY useful against the first gym.

I arrived in Oreburgh City and was greeted by someone who was either a tour guide or has nothing better to do with their life than talk to every stranger who comes out of a cave. He brought me to the gym, where Bidoof was standing outside the Oreburgh City Gym with his trusty Turtwig.

Bidoof: "Sup, Bidoofenshmirtz?"

Me: "Been watching a bit too much Phineas and Ferb, have we?"

Bidoof: "Yes, it's getting to the point of an addiction. That Perry the Psyduck is a real hoot!"

Me: "So... can I go into the gym, or what?"

Bidoof: "Nah, the Gym Leader, Roark, is out in the mines. I just beat him, so I bet he's taking a moment to ponder how someone not using the godly Pokemon, Bidoof, could ever beat him."

Me: "Seems like a real organized guy, though I admire his respect for the ultimate Pokemon."

Bidoof: "He stormed by me, mumbling something about having a smoke and taking a break from these idiot 10 year olds challenging him. I wonder what's got him all riled up?"

Me: "You. I can barely stand two minutes with you, imagine how a self-respecting adult feels? Losing to you would be an utmost pity as well, even I beat you easily."
(sure, I beat him with a god, but as Reggie Fils-Aime would say, "Please, no Johns")

Bidoof: "Wow, harsh..."

Me: "Not as harsh as the number of times your mom dropped you on your head as a kid. See you around!"

*runs toward the mine*


I run into the mine and run down the staircases (which are very well made). I enter the hallway, which splits in two, and travel right. Walking by the multitude of Machops and Machokes moving the excess rock, I notice that the walls don't seem very structurally sound...

At the end of the hallway, I spot a man in a red hard hat. This man RADIATES important character energy, he's got a custom overworld sprite and all that jazz. I approach the man, who seems to be surrounded by large rocks.

???: "Ugh, another kid!?" the man groaned in a gravelly voice, "I came down here to get away from you!" The man drew a deep puff of his cigarette, then exhaled a perfect ring.

Me: "Hmm... so you're Roark?"

Roark: "Yeah, what's it to you?" *cough* *cough*

Me: "I'd love to have a gym battle, unless you'd prefer sitting in isolation with your helper, Machoke."

Roark: "Fine, it is my jo-"

An abrupt shaking in the mines drew my attention away from Roark, and it seemed to change Roark's train of thought as well.

Me: "Uh... should this be happening!?"

Roark: "Not at all! Get out, go! I'll take care of the Machops and Machokes."

I ran up the stairs, but not before glancing back at Roark to make sure this was the right decision. Was I leaving Roark with a death sentence?

The shaking grew more intense by the minute. The ceiling began to crack, the ground fissured... this was an earthquake! I had to get out immediately!

I ran toward the exit and made it to the Pokemon Center. I could still feel the ground quake beneath my feet. Roark's yelling persisted in the background, so much so that it was jarring to hear it stop completely. A faint crumble in the distance, followed by the entrance to the mines caving in.

Silence ensued.

That's not actually what happened of course, but this is;

Me: "I'd love to have a gym battle, unless you'd prefer sitting in isolation with your helper, Machoke."

Roark: "Fine, it is my job after all. Wanna see Machoke break a rock first?"

Me: "Do I have a choice?"

Roark: "Of course not! This is a video game after all, what do you expect?"

*Machoke breaks a rock*

Roark: "Good boy!" *pat pat* "I'll meet you at the gym..."

Me: "Bidoof."

Roark: "Two Bidoofs? Wow, Twinleaf Town people are uninspired."

After resisting the temptation of mouthing Roark off for saying such a thing, I remember that Twinleaf Town people really are notorious for naming things badly. Two Bidoofs, Mom, Bidoof's Mom, and the people without names!? Laziness I say, laziness!

A level 12 Bidoof against a Rock type gym with level 12-14 Pokemon? This should go well.

I enter the gym to see a familiar face.

???: "Howdy! How's it going, champ-to-be?"

Me: "I'm doing great, Jim Gai! How are you?"

Jim Gai: "How did you know my name?"

Me: "You're famous! Everybody from Generation 1-4 knows who you are! Keep on being awesome!"

Jim Gai: "Thank you so much! Also, did you know Rock types are weak to Water?"

Me: "Don't patronize me, Jim. Do I look like I haven't played every Pokemon game?"

Jim Gai: "You look 10, so yes."

Me: "Blast it! Curse this young body!

I skip both trainers preceding Roark with ease. Why are they skippable? One of society's most imperative questions needs an answer. Roark now stand before me, a determined look in his eye and the stench of cigarettes on his breath.


Roark: "Wait... you're named Bidoof, and you have a Bidoof?"

Me: "Well... yeah! It's my only Pokemon, but it's the best Pokemon ever so you're going down."

Roark: "I hope you've heard of type advantages."

Me: "Of course! Bidoof type beats every type, including itself!"

Roark: "Perfect, you've already memorized them all."

A perfect strategy has formed in my mind. A strategy entirely undefeatable, impossible to lose with. A strategy that will rival the likes of Jrose11 in solo run effectiveness. Defense Curl 6 times, then spam attack using the super effective Rock Smash. With PNUTBUTTER's godlike 250 BST, this plan couldn't possibly fail, right?

It failed. Miserably. Even with the use of Potions at many points to increase PNUTBUTTER's longevity in battle, Rock Smash's PP ran out too quickly, and Tackle was an unviable alternative due to Rock type resisting Normal type attacks.

One run ended at Onix, who fainted PNUTBUTTER quick and painfully after two Screeches. Another ended at Geodude, who scored a critical hit. A complete lack of Leppa Berries and X-Attack not being accessible until at least Route 205 means that I will either have to rely on grinding or luck for this battle.

I prefer beating important events in solo runs at the lowest level possible, so it looks like I'm going to ask Lady Luck to be on my side.

Deciding to defeat the first two trainers in the gym worked out well in my favour, as I could employ my strategy of using Rock Smash, then Rock Smash, then Rock Smash again on the unsuspecting Geodudes without any worry of failure. While the second Youngster's Onix proved to be more of a challenge due to it's higher defense, it still fell to the monotonous task of tapping Rock Smash until it phased through the floor. (This has always jarred me. Where do the Pokemon go? Yet another one of society's unanswered questions.)

One MAJOR factor that I completely forgot about may impact this entire run, and that is that PNUTBUTTER learns Rollout at level 13. Bidoof levelled up to level 13 after defeating Onix, so I replaced Growl with Rollout. This move will likely have no significance in the battle against Roark, seeing as it is 0.5x effective against Rock types, but after a few turns it could be more useful than Tackle.

The fourth attempt against Roark's pride began similar to the past few. Geodude only used Rock Throw for what felt like an eternity, and PNUTBUTTER used Defense Curl until she was at +6 Defense. I pity any Starly entering Roark's gym. After using a Potion, 2 Rock Smashes brought it into yellow. I thought I was in the clear when Geodude missed a Rock Throw, but then it hit a critical Rock Throw (who would have guessed) and PNUTBUTTER fell to her... stumps. That did more damage than I expected.

*It was at this point that I researched Roark's team on Bulbapedia, and I found that Geodude and Onix each have only one attacking move; Rock Throw.*

The fifth attempt couldn't possibly go any worse than the fourth attempt, I'm sure of it. Geodude leads with Rock Throw, which I'm sure is quite the surprise. After using Defense Curl until PNUTBUTTER had +6 Defense, I used a Potion and continued to assault Geodude with Rock Smash. Geodude... kept pelting me with Rock Throw, then when it's HP was low enough it used a Potion, which was annoying to say the least. A total of 6 Defense Curls, 6 Rock Smashes, and 1 Tackle, Geodude was defeated.

Roark sent out Onix, which immediately used Screech. That reverses two Defense Curls, but I'm hoping with the brute force of Rock Smash taking it out that it won't matter too much. Luckily, it doesn't so far, as Onix still only does 3 damage per Rock Throw. Onix misses Screech, and PNUTBUTTER hits a critical Rock Smash, which puts Onix into... healing range. After using a Potion, PNUTBUTTER takes out Onix in 3 Rock Smashes and 1 Tackle. Unfortunately, Onix managed to get out a Screech before dying, leaving PNUTBUTTER at +2 Defense, 2 Rock Smash PP, and 20HP for Cranidos.

As any rational person would do, I used a Potion to bring PNUTBUTTER's HP from 20 to 38. One Headbutt from Cranidos brings PNUTBUTTER down 10HP, which does NOT look good if I want to use Rollout later on. HOWEVER, PNUTBUTTER hits a critical Rock Smash, and Cranidos is in low yellow health! I use another Rock Smash, and Cranidos goes for Pursuit. Joke's on them, I can't switch! With Cranidos in very low red health, one Tackle takes it out with ease.

With Cranidos defeated, PNUTBUTTER rises to level 14, and Roark has no choice but to hand over the Coal Badge and cry in the corner about how he lost to a little kid. He gives me Stealth Rock as well, which won't be useful in this run whatsoever, but I appreciate the thought.

Get dunked on, Roark. I definitely didn't reset my save multiple times to beat you, pffft, who do you take me for? *eyes shift away*

Team Summary:

Lv. 14
Nature: Bashful
Ability: Unaware
Move 1: Tackle
Move 2: Rollout
Move 3: Defense Curl
Move 4: Rock Smash
HP: 41
Attack: 20
Defense: 19
Special Attack: 17
Special Defense: 19
Speed: 18

To say that it's been a while since I last updated this thread would be an understatement, but I intend on finishing the run this time. Bidoof not learning Curse in Diamond may prove more of a challenge in the late game than I thought, but it is how it is. Thanks for tuning in to see PNUTBUTTER conquer a floating muscular rock (can they really count as muscles?), a rock snake, and a Jurassic Park knockoff!
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