Clock-Man. (fanfic,If popular I will publish)

Is this Fanfic Good?

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CarnivineCreator

CarnivineCreator

MINI-MOOSE WILL RULE YOU ALL!!!
Member
This is the story,About an ordinary man,He works at the Lightbulb
factory.His rivalry with his partner is strong...Until he hears a strange
ticking noise...then his life changed forever.

Chapter 1
Jeff Butcherman
Meet Jeff Butcherman.A bald, plain, ordinary guy.Here he is in the middle of an intreview for a job at the Lightbulb Shack.A large building with a man,walking over to a desk,sat down and said:
"Come in". Jeff then walked into the room, and took a seat at the desk."So Josh,...what makes you think that you are Lightbulb Shack material?" Asked the man.Jeff looked at the gold plate in front of the man.It read: "Colinson Manny".
"Err...It's Jeff sir,Not Josh,...a-and I want to work here because I love science,and how electricity can power up a glass bulb! and-"
Jeff was inturupted by Mr.Manny saying:
"Okay Jearmy,Your hired".
Before Jeff could say anything,Mr.Manny started mumbeling to himself about it being so hard to find good help theese days.
But then when Jeff was about to say something,he was inturupted by
the door suddenly opening.
A Blond-Haired man with a blueish,thin shirt,with a tie walked in.
"Hello Boss, I am Justin .T. Kecloon.Here is my resume."
Said Justin as he handed two clean peices of paper to Mr.Manny.
Mr.Manny held up the peice of paper to his eyes.He read it carefully,
then his eyes opened wide.
"HOLY MOTHER OF MEAT!!,this is amazing!!!,your hired!!!" said Mr.Manny pretending Jeff wasn't there.
"Thank you boss, I will work my hardest"
Said Justin as he bowed slightly.Justin then walked towards the door,
But as he was near Jeff,he whispered in his ear:
"I'll OWN this company before you actully atract Manny's attention,...
loser".
Then he walked out.
"Huh?...BUTCHERMAN!!!,Stop standing there like a confused dear,and get to work!" Shouted Mr.Manny.
Jeff could tell that it was going to be a LONG year.

And that's the end of Chapter 1!
REPLY!,REPLY!,REPLY!
 
Well, if it were to be published, the chapters will have to be longer. Also, good story! Detailed, long for a fan-fic, 8.90/10!
 
yeah,I'll add more things like: Mr.Manny then put his feet up on the desk and put a toothpick in his mouth"
or something like that...
 
Cool Story!
I love how you like give alot of detail and like say his life changed forever, long year and etc.
 
okay, I might publish once the FULL version is done.
Chapter 2
The Strange Ticking
It was Saturday,September 16th, 6:24 AM.
"Yawn!...But Mr.Manny,How come Justin doesn't have to work weekends?"
Said Jeff.
Jeff looked really tired,and you could tell that he worked overtime every day.
"Sigh...Listen Jack,...Justin doesn't have to work weekends because
his resume Strictly says: I get Saturdays and Sundays off, A-and besides,Guarding this very building is a BIG
Responsability"
Said Mr.Manny.
"Wait...So you anet staying here?"
Asked Jeff.
There was an akward pause between the two.
"HA!!!...Do you think that I Would be staying? I'm going home!
but just incase...I'm leaving Robo-North with you"
Said Mr.Manny.
But before Jeff could say anything,A small circle popped out of
Mr.Manny's coat pocket.
The Strange Circle landed on the floor,then it went to the left,
then the right,
Until the circle glowed with light,and grew up to Jeff's Chest.
"Greetings...Jeff...I am Robo-North,It is my duty to guard you,and-"
Robo-North was inturupted by Mr.Manny saying:
"Ya,-Ya,Okay,Have a good day,boys!"
Then he walked out.
"Well?, Get to work Butcherman!,Chop-Chop!"
Said Robo-North.
Jeff obeyed,and when he was 4 feet away from him,he mumbeled to himself:
"Sounds like Manny in a robot suit..."
**********
It was now 4:56 PM,
Jeff was working all day.
Until He heared a strange:
Tic!-Tic!-Tic!
Jeff then thought to himself:
"Where could that noise be coming from?
we have no clocks in here because our Rival Shop is:
The Handy-Little hand Clock Shop.
And Mr.Manny doesn't want us representing them by haveing those:
Big White Math Circles.
That's what Mr.Manny calls them anyway...-
Jeff Stoped thinking for a second,Because Robo-North started to yell
at him for not working.
"But the Ticking Sound! Don't you hear it?"
Asked Jeff.
"Huh? what ticking sound?...SuperHearing Mode-GO!"
Said Robo-North as he grew long metal things growing out of his ears.
Super Sonic Blue light came out of them,But then they dissapeared.
"No ticking noise J-eff,Now get back to work!"
Yelled Robo-North.
Jeff could still hear it, But it was driving him mad!
******
By this time,it was already 8:46 PM,
Jeff had to go see where the ticking noise was coming from.
 
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