Writing "2am Poetry"

VioletValkyrie

You're out of your mind.
Member
"Was"

is one of the worst words

in this torn mess of a language

where even the best words are blades

forged from sharp tongues

with their intentions to hurt,
to scar,
to bleed.


I was once told that time

no matter if it's seconds,
minutes,
hours,
days,
weeks,
months,
years,

will always keep moving

and no one

will ever be strong enough to stop it

and the one person who told me that

was myself.


Now,

everything continues

we live in our present

imagine our futures

and think of the past

about what our "was" truly is,

about all of the gold and the pain

that we've loved and suffered

those we've cherish and hurt

but some of us,

we view things in different ways,

unable to see past the blood on the walls

hiding the beauty

by a single drop

one drop of blood

was all it ever took

because all we can see is the pain

all of the memories of what "was".


And the weight it carries

can't be held by words

like "was"

because

it's all feeling

which is why

it's all been in your head

which is what you've thought

as the blood washes down the walls

drips onto the floor

and soaks your feet.


It rises

one thought

brings another

and the blood passes

your ankles

your knees

your waist

and your chest as you

lift your body

and float along it

because you can't sink

for you'd never wish to drown in blood

any more than in water.


Floating,

we know

that I can look past it all

and rise like before

because this is what once "was"

and you can't fall

not before rising again

and look back to what once "was"

and think about

how there was no

future,

but why can't we

why can't we make it worse

because the past doesn't grow

unless you live it in the present

so we can fall for a while

because what good are golden walls

without a splash of blood?




It's past 2am currently. All you need to know is this was uploaded to PokéBeach due to the site being very relevant to this piece of writing. This had no prior thought but was written just off of emotions and the thoughts that have been influencing me lately.
Feedback is appreciated and I'd be willing to engage in discussion.
 

Professor_jplap

Aspiring Trainer
Member
"Was"

is one of the worst words

in this torn mess of a language

where even the best words are blades

forged from sharp tongues

with their intentions to hurt,
to scar,
to bleed.


I was once told that time

no matter if it's seconds,
minutes,
hours,
days,
weeks,
months,
years,

will always keep moving

and no one

will ever be strong enough to stop it

and the one person who told me that

was myself.


Now,

everything continues

we live in our present

imagine our futures

and think of the past

about what our "was" truly is,

about all of the gold and the pain

that we've loved and suffered

those we've cherish and hurt

but some of us,

we view things in different ways,

unable to see past the blood on the walls

hiding the beauty

by a single drop

one drop of blood

was all it ever took

because all we can see is the pain

all of the memories of what "was".


And the weight it carries

can't be held by words

like "was"

because

it's all feeling

which is why

it's all been in your head

which is what you've thought

as the blood washes down the walls

drips onto the floor

and soaks your feet.


It rises

one thought

brings another

and the blood passes

your ankles

your knees

your waist

and your chest as you

lift your body

and float along it

because you can't sink

for you'd never wish to drown in blood

any more than in water.


Floating,

we know

that I can look past it all

and rise like before

because this is what once "was"

and you can't fall

not before rising again

and look back to what once "was"

and think about

how there was no

future,

but why can't we

why can't we make it worse

because the past doesn't grow

unless you live it in the present

so we can fall for a while

because what good are golden walls

without a splash of blood?




It's past 2am currently. All you need to know is this was uploaded to PokéBeach due to the site being very relevant to this piece of writing. This had no prior thought but was written just off of emotions and the thoughts that have been influencing me lately.
Feedback is appreciated and I'd be willing to engage in discussion.

This is pretty good! It doesn't rhyme, though. This isn't that big of a deal, but poetry is just so much better when it rhymes. Also, use more words no one's ever heard of. This will allow you to be more precise and explain your thoughts better. Keep it up!
 

Celever

Wheeeee~
Member
This is pretty good! It doesn't rhyme, though. This isn't that big of a deal, but poetry is just so much better when it rhymes. Also, use more words no one's ever heard of. This will allow you to be more precise and explain your thoughts better. Keep it up!
That's kind of a pre-school understanding of poetry, no offense. This poem has a consistent lexical field, shift in meter segregated by punctuation, and rhyme, just more complex (and effective) rhyme that apparently you don't understand. And the purpose of poetry is to convey a meaning in an understandable manner; the only reason a lot of poetry uses language that you don't understand is because language has shifted since it was written. A poet like Zephaniah, for example, who's huge in the UK right now uses working class or afro slang in his writing to make the poem seem more conversational, grounded, and relatable, since much of his work is centred around class or racial struggle, and he knows what audiences will care about his poetry. For an example you've probably heard of, Caged Bird by Maya Angelou, one of the most influential pieces of post-war poetry globally (and happens to be American so is flaunted around the American education system), uses no complex language at all, and is still precise in its meaning, as is Violet's poem.

I've been to a good number of poetry readings Violet, and can say with confidence if you read this at one of them you'd get a good applause. Not saying you could publish it tomorrow and get money for it, but it uses language for it to be clear that you had strong feeling and meaning in mind when you wrote it, but that that feeling is within the poem only as a sentiment that can be interpreted by others in a way that applies better to their own experiences. That's essentially the core of worthwhile poetry, which most attempts miss, so kudos for that.
 

VioletValkyrie

You're out of your mind.
Member
This is pretty good! It doesn't rhyme, though. This isn't that big of a deal, but poetry is just so much better when it rhymes. Also, use more words no one's ever heard of. This will allow you to be more precise and explain your thoughts better. Keep it up!

This was written at 2am. I didn't care to put in hours of thought to make every line rhyme.
If I did that, the poem becomes way less about my feelings and more about my word choice which, quite honestly, makes it boring as hell to read.

If I'm given the opportunity to write about a large issue in my life I'm not going to stop and think if it rhymes in order to make the poem less about my genuine feelings.

As for word choice, simple words can be effective as they can reach a wider audience and you can get straight to the point of what you're writing. I make things elaborate in basically everything else I write because I write that formally.

The entire point of this was that it was 2am, I didn't care, and I wanted to express something.
 

VioletValkyrie

You're out of your mind.
Member
I've been to a good number of poetry readings Violet, and can say with confidence if you read this at one of them you'd get a good applause. Not saying you could publish it tomorrow and get money for it, but it uses language for it to be clear that you had strong feeling and meaning in mind when you wrote it, but that that feeling is within the poem only as a sentiment that can be interpreted by others in a way that applies better to their own experiences. That's essentially the core of worthwhile poetry, which most attempts miss, so kudos for that.

Wow, I had really thought I responded to this. When I typed this, I didn't really think about what I was doing, and when I decided to post it I didn't really think highly of it. I thought this would be something I would regret posting or that wouldn't go anywhere because all I had done was simply vent in a vague way others couldn't understand. In a funny way I'm even impressed with myself in the fact that in the state of mind I was in at the time, that I could write something that can be interpreted by others in such a way. That honestly removes all of my "vagueposting" worries, so to speak. I'd never previously tried poetry but I'm really happy I can make something like that just driven by emotions.

I think I'd be okay with a good applause.
 
Top