Writing Pokemon Fanfic: Ash's Unova Region Tournament Challenge

Discussion in 'Creative Works' started by DerpyMartian, Mar 23, 2011.

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  1. DerpyMartian 6th Generation... Is AWESOME!


    Hey! Here, I will be posting chapters of what I think is going to happen to Ash in the Unova League. I will be posting the first chapter tomorrow, but for now, here is his team:
    And the other Pokemon from the other regions. I will post tomorrow!

  2. I'm allowing this on a trial basis for now as LillipupFTW did PM with his idea and it seemed fairly decent. Once the first chapter's up, I'll be able to make a better decision whether to let you continue in this thread or have you rewrite things, LillipupFTW. Just make sure you get the first chapter up in the next day or so like you said, alright?
  3. DerpyMartian 6th Generation... Is AWESOME!


    Alright, here is the first chapter:

    "Oh, cool!" Ash exclaimed, as he ran into the building to enter the tournament.

    "What a kid," Iris sighed, as she walked in with Dawn and Cilan.

    Ash was thinking hard on what Pokemon to use for the tournament. He was thinking about all of his he bonded with on his journey: Emboar, Serperior, Samurott, Scrafty, Unfeazent, Leavanny, and the newest one, Zweilous. He had heard that when he evolved, he would become a powerful- Dragon type. Ash knew that his friendship with Zweilous would make him powerful.

    Ash signed up for the tournament, and was given a key to his and Cilan's room, and Iris and Dawn got theirs. Dawn was invited by Ash to come to see him in the Unova League tournament. Ash did tons of training that day, and all of his Pokemon got stronger. He also asked Professor Oak to bring his Pokemon from the other regions, too. He did, and Ash also trained all f those Pokemon too.

    Right before he went to bed, Ash let out all of his Pokemon for a pep talk. "Everybody," he began," We don't all know each other here, but we have to get along for the tournament. I have been in all of the region tournaments so far, and I have won none of them. I really think that with our powerful new attacks, we can win!"

    All of his Pokemon cheered, and went back into their Pokeballs, and Ash headed back to his room. On his way, he stumbled into Trip. They wished each other good luck, and went away. The last thing that Ash said to Trip was," See you in the finals!"

    Trip smiled and walked away, smiling.

    The next day was the beginning of the tournament. Ash was so excited, he barely slept. His first opponent was Jayden, a Dragon master he had meat earlier in his adventure. They both went to the field, and the battle started.....

    To Be Continued....
  4. Cinesra obsevitative


    I could have sworn there was a rule about 1k words per chapter.
  5. ^Yes, there is.

    Sorry, but I'm going to have to close this... Don't think you're being being punished. All I ask is that you rewrite this and expand on things.

    First off, you could easily make up for the skimpy-ness of this chapter by adding some sort of description. I know you're using pre-existing characters from the anime, but just mentioning their names doesn't help people envision them and their actions in your stories. The fact that they're already out in the media should actually make describing them easier for you. This goes for Pokemon themselves too as well as the setting (where things are taking place).

    Likewise, I'd recommend building more on a little bit more of the backstory pertaining to how Ash and company got to the Unova League Championship. It doesn't have to be elaborate, but at least give some sort of recap. Also, you could perhaps try adding a bit of a prelude before suddenly starting with Ash running into a building (presumably a stadium, though that specific detail was left out).

    If you have questions or just want some coaching on this, PM me and I'll try to help. But for now...

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