"Darkend Emerald" A Brand New Fan Fic

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SnorlaxShamen

Dude don't Lie I'm Awesome!
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Hi Everyone, I have returned with all new ideas and am ready for a new Fan Fic and now to begin the story here is the prologue to my new fan fic Darkened Emerald...

Prologue
YEAR: 2101
DATE: NOVEMBER 5
TIME: 12:01 AM


"You can't hide from us for long Alex!" yelled the sergeant.
Sargent.png

"O Yeah Chief is that the best you got?" Alex replied bumbling his way down Main Street.
Alex.png

"Come back here!"
"No can do Chief!" Alex said hopping over a fence.
"I'll get you someday Alex! You and that ring!"
"As long as my lucky emerald ring stays lucky you don't stand a chance!" Alex said as he jumped into the darkness.

"So, do you have it?"
"Right here boss." Alex said putting the bag of jewels on the table.
"Good, Good, now it is time for your payment!"
Alex suddenly felt a sharp pain in his back everything went black...

Location: Old Chemical Plant, Downtown
Time: 2:50 AM


"What was it the boss said?" asked Mel
Mel.png

"How should I know I'm not some kind of computer just call him." Folly replied.
Folly.png

"Oh, right." Mel said hitting BOSS on his speedial.
"What is it you bumbling fools?" said Jasmine.
Jasmine.png

"Uh...what was it we were supose to do with Alex's body?" Mel asked the mob boss.
"Dump him in the tank labled 'ACID' you dingwads!" Jasmine said as she hung up.
And so the two bumbling idot dingwads made their way to the tank.
"Let's just dump him and get out of here." Folly said to Mel
"Why him, Folly, why?" Mel said begining to cry.
"Be quite you! You never know when the cops might show."
"But why him?"
"Cause he has a soft spot for cirtian people and the boss don't need a wussy on our side, right?"
"I...I guess so."
"Good now that we understand each other help me get him over this ledge and into the tank."
The two began to dunk Alex into the tank head first they had gotten to his wrists when the cops came and jumped the two and rescued Alex and so the story begins of worry, triumph, and the power of the Darkened Emerlad.
Hope you enjoyed this prologue and enter the world of Darkened Emerald
 
RE: "The Ring" A Brand New Fan Fic

Its kinda 'meh' at the moment. There is very little to it. Fan-fictions shouldn't just be talking parts. Also, write this as if you were getting a grade on it, the grammer needs help. Also, you have a few vivid verbs, but they need to be used in the right places. Lastly, change the title, I thought it was about the movie The Ring.
 
Thanks for your very constructive response I have now finished the prologue and will post the first chapter sometime soon I have also edited the first half of the prologue and added character pics where they first appear.

SS out:D
 
It is really good! One last time to get it off me, remember Thanksgiving when your brother and I thought it was Lord Of The Rings? LOL!!!
 
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