Poll: Should I make more poetry?
Yes! And I'll state reason why below!
No! And I'll state reason why below!
[Show Results]
Note: This is a public poll, other users will be able to see what you voted for.
> HydroCannon's Poetry (New Poems: Post 48)

Has about 37 unique sealed Booster Packs!


Posts: 1,812
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*

Post: #1
HydroCannon's Poetry (New Poems: Post 48)

Hey guys, I write poetry. Its something I learned to do, and I really enjoy it. So, Ill add stuff frequently. ALL feedback, is welcome. I am new, so don't go to hard on me. Big Grin

Also, if you have a preference on a future poem, I am willing to take requests... One at a time please, and Ill do the best I can! Big Grin

Here is a favorite of mine I wrote:

"Not the End; Just the Beginning"

I watch you suffer,
Yet you stay silent,
You seem to ignore the pain,
With your back so bent.

I want to help,
But the chains of reason hold me back,
I want to say comfort,
But voice, my soul, it lacks.

Why won't you let me help,
In your times of need?
I'll help you with your struggles,
And into battles I'll lead.

Watching you crumble,
Like a powerful city falling,
Brings great grief to me,
And it keeps my heart bawling.

But from a distance,
You can sense the tears in my eyes,
Yet you say to be silent,
And then I realize,

Maybe you want to suffer alone,
Because you feel it's for the best,
For soon it shall be over,
And then comes time to rest.

Well, I say it's wrong,
And man wasn't made to suffer alone,
So now I break free of my chains,
And I've come to help, without a groan.

So take my hand,
And let me come to;
We can bear life's hardships together,
And overcome anything bothering you.

I want to be loyal,
And I want to be of some comfort,
When times are painful,
And life's stings really hurt,

So don't let this be our goodbye,
To where we never see each other again;
I really have cared for you,
And honestly, it has been,

The greatest pleasure meeting you,
And getting to know you,
And I thank you dearly for the opportunity,
And hope you never forget who,

You are deep inside,
When times are rough;
I hope you'll prosper,
And forget the times when it was tough."

I'll add more over time. Thoughts anyone?


"Morning Glory"

I wake up in the morning,
And look out my window to see,
The graceful blossoms,
Of the Morning Glory

It sprouts ever so vividly,
Color as blue as the sea,
So delicate to the touch,
that it can't withstand much!

Despite it's frailty,
It's something all should see,
The prettiest flower,
Growing right in front of me!

The sun has passed,
over my head;
The time has come,
For the flower to get in bed!

As it closes up,
for the day,
It promises to rise,
Yet another day!

As night swiftly overcomes day,
I get to bed thinking,
The flower may,
Yet again rise to see another day!

I wake up in the morning,
And look outside my window to see,
The graceful blossoms of,
The morning Glory!

Table of Contents: (Look here for specific poems!!)

"Remember" - Post #4

"Blessings" -Post #8

"You make life surreal" -Post #11

"Life's Tempest" -Post 18

"The Fine Print" -Post 22

"No Name (for now) -Post 37

"Lies" -Post 39

Formerly "BlastBurn"
אדוני המגן שלי

Whose up for making a VG team? If so, PM me and we can start a group. Smile

My Rep Thread (+44 Pos. +0 Negative)
My Trade Thread My poetry!!
(This post was last modified: 11-14-2012 06:41 PM by Hydro Cannon.)
09-13-2011 01:23 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


.


Posts: 3,321
Joined: May 2010
Offline Somewhere :(

Post: #2
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

For the record, you can double post as needed if you want to add more poems (especially when they're not just short poems like haiku and whatnot). Just make links to later ones in the OP to keep it looking organized.

All I can say is that this poetry looks excellent. The first one left me with a real sense of darkness and dispair right in the beginning, which I love. Keep at this!
09-13-2011 02:50 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


Has about 37 unique sealed Booster Packs!


Posts: 1,812
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*

Post: #3
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

Alrighty, Apollo, sounds good! And glad you liked it!

Formerly "BlastBurn"
אדוני המגן שלי

Whose up for making a VG team? If so, PM me and we can start a group. Smile

My Rep Thread (+44 Pos. +0 Negative)
My Trade Thread My poetry!!
09-13-2011 02:52 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


Has about 37 unique sealed Booster Packs!


Posts: 1,812
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*

Post: #4
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

Another Poem:

"Remember"

"Remember some ten years ago,
Some men, obsessed with anger and hate,
Hi-jacked and crashed some planes,
Two of which sealed the Twin Tower's fate.

Remember the firefighters,
The men, and the cops,
Who kept the death ratio,
From 80,000 to 6,000 tops.

Remember the men and woman,
Remember the lives given away,
Remember the atrocities that took place,
Remember the event, honor the people today"

My 9/11 contribute. Bless them all.

Formerly "BlastBurn"
אדוני המגן שלי

Whose up for making a VG team? If so, PM me and we can start a group. Smile

My Rep Thread (+44 Pos. +0 Negative)
My Trade Thread My poetry!!
(This post was last modified: 09-14-2011 01:45 PM by Hydro Cannon.)
09-13-2011 08:16 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


.


Posts: 3,321
Joined: May 2010
Offline Somewhere :(

Post: #5
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

Remembrance poems usually benefit from chronicling events a bit more than right out stating for people to remember tragedy. It's still a good and meaningful poem nonetheless, though a little late given the tenth anniversary of 9/11 was this past Sunday.
09-13-2011 08:34 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


Has about 37 unique sealed Booster Packs!


Posts: 1,812
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*

Post: #6
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

^^ Yeah, I realized it was a little late... I posted this on the "Remember 9/11" Thread... But re-posted it here later on.

Formerly "BlastBurn"
אדוני המגן שלי

Whose up for making a VG team? If so, PM me and we can start a group. Smile

My Rep Thread (+44 Pos. +0 Negative)
My Trade Thread My poetry!!
09-13-2011 08:35 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


.


Posts: 3,321
Joined: May 2010
Offline Somewhere :(

Post: #7
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

It's fine. I just usually don't get out of this forum as much as I should for the simple reason this one's easier for me to keep up with things in. Still, it makes sense that you'd have posted this specific poem in the 9/11 thread first.
09-14-2011 06:43 AM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


Has about 37 unique sealed Booster Packs!


Posts: 1,812
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*

Post: #8
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

"Blessings"

"If you want to do better,
If you want to lift someone high;
Give them a blessing,
And their spirits will fly.

If you are grateful,
If their is someone you love;
Stop now, and bless them,
Humbly and meekly, like a dove.

If you know someone,
Who struggles with life,
Give them a blessing,
And help put an end to strife.

If their is someone,
Whom you work with,
Thank him, and bless him,
And God will thank and bless you too!

Even a word,
Uplifting and kind,
Can change the hardest of hearts,
And then slowly you'll find,

Giving a blessing,
Is fun and easy;
Give it a try,
You won't feel queasy,

You'll change lives,
And lift people up;
You'll make them feel special,
And fill hope, to their "Cup""

Formerly "BlastBurn"
אדוני המגן שלי

Whose up for making a VG team? If so, PM me and we can start a group. Smile

My Rep Thread (+44 Pos. +0 Negative)
My Trade Thread My poetry!!
09-14-2011 01:44 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


.


Posts: 3,321
Joined: May 2010
Offline Somewhere :(

Post: #9
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

Well, first off, I went and added links to your little "contents" list at the end of your first post. If you want to do it that way, you can get direct links to posts by clicking on the post number itself and then copying-and-pasting the URL as it appears in the address bar into your OP. To create a link in written passages or text, you can use url-tags such as follows:

Code:
[url]Topic title or general text stating an example[/url]

This is very handy when you're creating a table of contents for your works, and looks more organized than telling people which post to go to to find a poem or chapter.

Anyways, I liked this poem quite a bit. The only suggestion I'd have is replacing those parts where you have semi-colons with commas (or perhaps even periods when you're actually ending a sentence).

Quote:If you want to do better,
If you want to lift someone high,
Give them a blessing,
And their spirits will fly.
It's not a major issue, but you should treat poem verses a little like you would an actual sentence. Granted, where you have a line-break doesn't always require a punctuation in order to signify a momentary ending, but when all else fails, use commas (or periods) over semi-colons since the semi-colon is usually reserved for immediate transitions to another sentence while commas show that the sentence is immediately continuing like you have it here (and likewise, a period just shows that one sentence ends and another one begins the same way it would in regular writing). Hopefully that makes some sense...sorry, but I just have a harder time pointing out and explaining how writing mechanics translate in poems than I do regular fiction...
09-14-2011 02:07 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


Has about 37 unique sealed Booster Packs!


Posts: 1,812
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*

Post: #10
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

Haha its all good! I actually am really happy for the feedback, as I can't get better without reproof. And thanks so much for doing the table of contents... Now, Ill go and "Make it look spoofy" and fun! Big Grin And yeah, I just was gonna do post's for a while, as I don't think I'll make 100+ poems, however, you never know... Plus, yeah, it is more organized! Big Grin And about the semi-colons and commas and periods. I usually type this up on my iphone, as its easier to erase and auto-correct. And I just kinda put whatever I feel at the end of a sentence, commas or periods. But thanks so much for the help! Big Grin

Formerly "BlastBurn"
אדוני המגן שלי

Whose up for making a VG team? If so, PM me and we can start a group. Smile

My Rep Thread (+44 Pos. +0 Negative)
My Trade Thread My poetry!!
09-14-2011 02:16 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


Has about 37 unique sealed Booster Packs!


Posts: 1,812
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*

Post: #11
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

Another poem, for the win! Actually, I wanna make it a song! Big Grin

"You make life Surreal"

As I stare into your eyes,
I think, 'Is this love for real?'
Everything thats happened,
It seems so surreal.

When I see your face,
As you smile at me,
Its like the doors of heaven open,
You fill my heart with glee.

How is it,
That a guy like me,
Won a girl amazing like you,
Am I blessed, or plain lucky?

So as I sit here and write,
My soul just wants to say;
My heart is the inepiration,
And here is what I pray:

I promise to be there,
And dry up your tears,
I'll sing you to sleep,
And save you from your fears.

When we stay close together,
When we talk about life,
When we fantasize stories,
When we make calm amidst the strife,

When I hold your hand,
And you lay your head on me,
When we laugh together,
It feels as if we were meant to be,

As I sleep at night,
And dream about you,
As we fly like weightless birds,
Soaring deep into the blue,

As I sit up in class,
Doodle notes in my book,
I come back to one topic,
And I think about how beautiful you look,

As I come home,
From a long and weary day,
I often look out the window,
And in my heart I say:

I promise to be there,
And dry up your tears,
I'll sing you to sleep,
And save you from your fears.

So when I look at you,
My heart skips a beat,
I want the best for you,
Because, to me, you are quite the treat,

I want to make you proud,
And call me your own,
I want to make you feel special,
And feel good straight down to the bone,

When you lean near me,
And laugh the way you do,
You make me feel warm;
My spirit set anew,

So as I stare into your eyes,
I think, 'Is this love for real?'
Everything that happened,
It seems so surreal.

So I promise to be there,
And dry up your tears,
I'll sing you to sleep,
And save you from your fears!

Formerly "BlastBurn"
אדוני המגן שלי

Whose up for making a VG team? If so, PM me and we can start a group. Smile

My Rep Thread (+44 Pos. +0 Negative)
My Trade Thread My poetry!!
11-13-2011 05:25 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


Pokémon Trainer


Posts: 106
Joined: Jun 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*
Post: #12
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

love your "Not the End; Just the Beginning" it reminds me of meeting my first couple of friends Big Grin

You should make more poetry because it makes me happy and inspired Smile

Don't quote the full posts of the actual parts of the writings unless you're making a critique, please. Even if it's just poetry, there's no point in repeating the entirety of the last post just to say you liked them in general. Thanks!~Apollo

I recently discovered a new website that is very popular. What you do is complete FREE offers and surveys, during that time you gain points redeemable on amazon (Eg:100 points is $1)
Since offer payout is high, earning is fast.
The Staff are very helpful and friendly and there is a shoutbox at the ready for a little chat or if you are in need of help!
I loved this website and have gained many points and prizes I hope that you enjoy it too!
sign up under the link below and get a 250 point sign up bonus!
Free Amazon Items - Click Here
(This post was last modified: 11-15-2011 09:04 PM by BunnyBuner.)
11-15-2011 09:00 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


Has about 37 unique sealed Booster Packs!


Posts: 1,812
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*

Post: #13
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

(11-15-2011 09:00 PM)BunnyBuner Wrote:  love your "Not the End; Just the Beginning" it reminds me of meeting my first couple of friends Big Grin

You should make more poetry because it makes me happy and inspired Smile
Thanks! I hope to make more like it, and Im glad someone else was able to appreciate it! I wrote a couple more, so check those out if you'd like! Big Grin

Formerly "BlastBurn"
אדוני המגן שלי

Whose up for making a VG team? If so, PM me and we can start a group. Smile

My Rep Thread (+44 Pos. +0 Negative)
My Trade Thread My poetry!!
11-15-2011 09:05 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


PokéBeach Verified Seller


Posts: 3,362
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*
Post: #14
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

Wow! This is really good. I especially liked the first one. Keep 'em coming! Big Grin

Selling Wild Blaze Singles for CHEAP!
My eBay Listings | Sale Thread
Trading Corner Rules | Buy Thread
12-13-2011 05:00 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply


Has about 37 unique sealed Booster Packs!


Posts: 1,812
Joined: Aug 2011
Offline Somewhere :(

*

Post: #15
RE: BlastBurn's Poetry

Ok cool! Glad to know you liked them, SoulWind! Big Grin

Formerly "BlastBurn"
אדוני המגן שלי

Whose up for making a VG team? If so, PM me and we can start a group. Smile

My Rep Thread (+44 Pos. +0 Negative)
My Trade Thread My poetry!!
12-13-2011 05:03 PM
Find all posts by this user Like Post Quote this message in a reply



Forum Jump:

User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)