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HydroCannon's Poetry (New Poems: Post 48) - Printable Version

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HydroCannon's Poetry (New Poems: Post 48) - Hydro Cannon - 09-13-2011 01:23 PM

Hey guys, I write poetry. Its something I learned to do, and I really enjoy it. So, Ill add stuff frequently. ALL feedback, is welcome. I am new, so don't go to hard on me. Big Grin

Also, if you have a preference on a future poem, I am willing to take requests... One at a time please, and Ill do the best I can! Big Grin

Here is a favorite of mine I wrote:

"Not the End; Just the Beginning"

I watch you suffer,
Yet you stay silent,
You seem to ignore the pain,
With your back so bent.

I want to help,
But the chains of reason hold me back,
I want to say comfort,
But voice, my soul, it lacks.

Why won't you let me help,
In your times of need?
I'll help you with your struggles,
And into battles I'll lead.

Watching you crumble,
Like a powerful city falling,
Brings great grief to me,
And it keeps my heart bawling.

But from a distance,
You can sense the tears in my eyes,
Yet you say to be silent,
And then I realize,

Maybe you want to suffer alone,
Because you feel it's for the best,
For soon it shall be over,
And then comes time to rest.

Well, I say it's wrong,
And man wasn't made to suffer alone,
So now I break free of my chains,
And I've come to help, without a groan.

So take my hand,
And let me come to;
We can bear life's hardships together,
And overcome anything bothering you.

I want to be loyal,
And I want to be of some comfort,
When times are painful,
And life's stings really hurt,

So don't let this be our goodbye,
To where we never see each other again;
I really have cared for you,
And honestly, it has been,

The greatest pleasure meeting you,
And getting to know you,
And I thank you dearly for the opportunity,
And hope you never forget who,

You are deep inside,
When times are rough;
I hope you'll prosper,
And forget the times when it was tough."

I'll add more over time. Thoughts anyone?


"Morning Glory"

I wake up in the morning,
And look out my window to see,
The graceful blossoms,
Of the Morning Glory

It sprouts ever so vividly,
Color as blue as the sea,
So delicate to the touch,
that it can't withstand much!

Despite it's frailty,
It's something all should see,
The prettiest flower,
Growing right in front of me!

The sun has passed,
over my head;
The time has come,
For the flower to get in bed!

As it closes up,
for the day,
It promises to rise,
Yet another day!

As night swiftly overcomes day,
I get to bed thinking,
The flower may,
Yet again rise to see another day!

I wake up in the morning,
And look outside my window to see,
The graceful blossoms of,
The morning Glory!

Table of Contents: (Look here for specific poems!!)

"Remember" - Post #4

"Blessings" -Post #8

"You make life surreal" -Post #11

"Life's Tempest" -Post 18

"The Fine Print" -Post 22

"No Name (for now) -Post 37

"Lies" -Post 39


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Incinermyn - 09-13-2011 02:50 PM

For the record, you can double post as needed if you want to add more poems (especially when they're not just short poems like haiku and whatnot). Just make links to later ones in the OP to keep it looking organized.

All I can say is that this poetry looks excellent. The first one left me with a real sense of darkness and dispair right in the beginning, which I love. Keep at this!



RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Hydro Cannon - 09-13-2011 02:52 PM

Alrighty, Apollo, sounds good! And glad you liked it!


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Hydro Cannon - 09-13-2011 08:16 PM

Another Poem:

"Remember"

"Remember some ten years ago,
Some men, obsessed with anger and hate,
Hi-jacked and crashed some planes,
Two of which sealed the Twin Tower's fate.

Remember the firefighters,
The men, and the cops,
Who kept the death ratio,
From 80,000 to 6,000 tops.

Remember the men and woman,
Remember the lives given away,
Remember the atrocities that took place,
Remember the event, honor the people today"

My 9/11 contribute. Bless them all.


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Incinermyn - 09-13-2011 08:34 PM

Remembrance poems usually benefit from chronicling events a bit more than right out stating for people to remember tragedy. It's still a good and meaningful poem nonetheless, though a little late given the tenth anniversary of 9/11 was this past Sunday.


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Hydro Cannon - 09-13-2011 08:35 PM

^^ Yeah, I realized it was a little late... I posted this on the "Remember 9/11" Thread... But re-posted it here later on.


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Incinermyn - 09-14-2011 06:43 AM

It's fine. I just usually don't get out of this forum as much as I should for the simple reason this one's easier for me to keep up with things in. Still, it makes sense that you'd have posted this specific poem in the 9/11 thread first.


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Hydro Cannon - 09-14-2011 01:44 PM

"Blessings"

"If you want to do better,
If you want to lift someone high;
Give them a blessing,
And their spirits will fly.

If you are grateful,
If their is someone you love;
Stop now, and bless them,
Humbly and meekly, like a dove.

If you know someone,
Who struggles with life,
Give them a blessing,
And help put an end to strife.

If their is someone,
Whom you work with,
Thank him, and bless him,
And God will thank and bless you too!

Even a word,
Uplifting and kind,
Can change the hardest of hearts,
And then slowly you'll find,

Giving a blessing,
Is fun and easy;
Give it a try,
You won't feel queasy,

You'll change lives,
And lift people up;
You'll make them feel special,
And fill hope, to their "Cup""


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Incinermyn - 09-14-2011 02:07 PM

Well, first off, I went and added links to your little "contents" list at the end of your first post. If you want to do it that way, you can get direct links to posts by clicking on the post number itself and then copying-and-pasting the URL as it appears in the address bar into your OP. To create a link in written passages or text, you can use url-tags such as follows:

Code:
[url]Topic title or general text stating an example[/url]

This is very handy when you're creating a table of contents for your works, and looks more organized than telling people which post to go to to find a poem or chapter.

Anyways, I liked this poem quite a bit. The only suggestion I'd have is replacing those parts where you have semi-colons with commas (or perhaps even periods when you're actually ending a sentence).

Quote:If you want to do better,
If you want to lift someone high,
Give them a blessing,
And their spirits will fly.
It's not a major issue, but you should treat poem verses a little like you would an actual sentence. Granted, where you have a line-break doesn't always require a punctuation in order to signify a momentary ending, but when all else fails, use commas (or periods) over semi-colons since the semi-colon is usually reserved for immediate transitions to another sentence while commas show that the sentence is immediately continuing like you have it here (and likewise, a period just shows that one sentence ends and another one begins the same way it would in regular writing). Hopefully that makes some sense...sorry, but I just have a harder time pointing out and explaining how writing mechanics translate in poems than I do regular fiction...



RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Hydro Cannon - 09-14-2011 02:16 PM

Haha its all good! I actually am really happy for the feedback, as I can't get better without reproof. And thanks so much for doing the table of contents... Now, Ill go and "Make it look spoofy" and fun! Big Grin And yeah, I just was gonna do post's for a while, as I don't think I'll make 100+ poems, however, you never know... Plus, yeah, it is more organized! Big Grin And about the semi-colons and commas and periods. I usually type this up on my iphone, as its easier to erase and auto-correct. And I just kinda put whatever I feel at the end of a sentence, commas or periods. But thanks so much for the help! Big Grin


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Hydro Cannon - 11-13-2011 05:25 PM

Another poem, for the win! Actually, I wanna make it a song! Big Grin

"You make life Surreal"

As I stare into your eyes,
I think, 'Is this love for real?'
Everything thats happened,
It seems so surreal.

When I see your face,
As you smile at me,
Its like the doors of heaven open,
You fill my heart with glee.

How is it,
That a guy like me,
Won a girl amazing like you,
Am I blessed, or plain lucky?

So as I sit here and write,
My soul just wants to say;
My heart is the inepiration,
And here is what I pray:

I promise to be there,
And dry up your tears,
I'll sing you to sleep,
And save you from your fears.

When we stay close together,
When we talk about life,
When we fantasize stories,
When we make calm amidst the strife,

When I hold your hand,
And you lay your head on me,
When we laugh together,
It feels as if we were meant to be,

As I sleep at night,
And dream about you,
As we fly like weightless birds,
Soaring deep into the blue,

As I sit up in class,
Doodle notes in my book,
I come back to one topic,
And I think about how beautiful you look,

As I come home,
From a long and weary day,
I often look out the window,
And in my heart I say:

I promise to be there,
And dry up your tears,
I'll sing you to sleep,
And save you from your fears.

So when I look at you,
My heart skips a beat,
I want the best for you,
Because, to me, you are quite the treat,

I want to make you proud,
And call me your own,
I want to make you feel special,
And feel good straight down to the bone,

When you lean near me,
And laugh the way you do,
You make me feel warm;
My spirit set anew,

So as I stare into your eyes,
I think, 'Is this love for real?'
Everything that happened,
It seems so surreal.

So I promise to be there,
And dry up your tears,
I'll sing you to sleep,
And save you from your fears!


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - BunnyBuner - 11-15-2011 09:00 PM

love your "Not the End; Just the Beginning" it reminds me of meeting my first couple of friends Big Grin

You should make more poetry because it makes me happy and inspired Smile

Don't quote the full posts of the actual parts of the writings unless you're making a critique, please. Even if it's just poetry, there's no point in repeating the entirety of the last post just to say you liked them in general. Thanks!~Apollo


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Hydro Cannon - 11-15-2011 09:05 PM

(11-15-2011 09:00 PM)BunnyBuner Wrote:  love your "Not the End; Just the Beginning" it reminds me of meeting my first couple of friends Big Grin

You should make more poetry because it makes me happy and inspired Smile
Thanks! I hope to make more like it, and Im glad someone else was able to appreciate it! I wrote a couple more, so check those out if you'd like! Big Grin


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - PokePhD - 12-13-2011 05:00 PM

Wow! This is really good. I especially liked the first one. Keep 'em coming! Big Grin


RE: BlastBurn's Poetry - Hydro Cannon - 12-13-2011 05:03 PM

Ok cool! Glad to know you liked them, SoulWind! Big Grin